


Don't let me go

by Clah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Almost underage relationship, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood and Violence, Bottom Castiel, Canon Related, Case Fic, Dean in Denial, Denial of Feelings, Destiel - Freeform, Drama & Romance, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Human Castiel, Kevin Dies, M/M, Minor Injuries, Oral Sex, Sam Ships It, Season/Series 09, Serious Injuries, Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Top Dean, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-02-28 06:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 70,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2721989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clah/pseuds/Clah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is still human after his encounter with Aprill. While he and the Winchesters talk about life and death in Bobby's Junkyard, Castiel states that before he never  experienced feelings in a profound way like humans do. Thunderstruck by his new senses, he says he always felt something for Dean - although as an angel, it was difficult to comprehend their meaning.

Now Dean must deal with two things: the new case they found, and Castiel's confession.</p><p><br/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An smell of junkyard

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Não me deixe ir](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/86240) by Myself, but in the portuguese web site you can find me as: xYumex. 



At the old junkyard, sitting on a car hood balanced high up on others, nine feet from the floor, or so, the trio were looking over the horizon beyond them. Hours have passed by as they stand still remembering good things about Bobby. A nostalgic feeling float in the air, almost like a sacred enclosure, and for a tiny moment, everything seemed eternal:  
  
“And when you came back?” Sam stated with a smirk “Bobby did everything! Even throwing holy water at you!”  
  
“The bastard!” shout Dean, but he had a smile in his face “I’ve already had cut myself with a silver knife!”  
  
Laughing, both brothers toast, hitting the beer's necks. Castiel was still quietduring the conversation, a beer in his hands, static cold, but he hasn’t drank yet. Dean poked him with his elbow and Cas awoke from the trance:  
  
“What’s the problem Cas?”  
  
“I was trying to visualize Bobby Singer at these past times.” confessed in his serene voice “He always appeared to me a man full of joy.”  
  
Agreeing, Dean poured the liquid in his throat, sucking air through his teeth when the alcohol hit his empty stomach. They needed to eat something, after all, it was a tribute meal over the hunter, friend, father like and companion: Bobby Singer. Another year since his death and even with instabilities, they’ve found themselves here to celebrate in the way Bobby would've liked to be remembered, with good memories.  
  
“Gonna grab some lunch.” Sam told them, throwing the empty bottle at the small bulk beneath the cars.  
  
“Don’t forget the pie!”  
  
Yelled Dean, pulling another beer from the ice bucket, snapping the cap in the fabric of his shirt. He slurped the booze keeping his emerald eyes lost in the mid-day sky. When Sam came back with lunch they’ll be having dinner. The clouds were scattered, but they provided a delightful shadow above Bobby’s old house. It had been restored, at least a small part, since the fire, but most of it was still rotten. Bobby really took care of the place back then. Despite the fact they had a few mattress to fall asleep tonight, it didn't cease the feeling of a long gone 'home'.  
   
The junkyard was, well... Full of junk, not changed at all. Maybe the only difference was Castiel’s presence, the now fallen angel, friend and part of the most bizarre hunter family in the region. If only Bobby were alive, ah! The four would have a great time together! And Dean liked to imagine his life this way, for many, many years to follow. He, Sammy, Bobby and Castiel, killing things and saving helpless ladies – taking them to bed in the aftermath. Smiling to himself, he poked Cas arm again:  
  
“Frying your brain with what Cas?”  
  
He teased after seeing Castiel's lost face. The ex-angel hoved his eyes at Dean in a calm mien, adorned with an askew smile, saying:  
  
“I spent a short period of time with Bobby Singer, compared to you and Sam. But I considered him a virtuous man.”  
  
“He was.”   
  
“Bobby Singer died soon.” he kept going, staring Dean “However, he did all in his power to protect Sam and you, which he will always have my respect.”  
  
Turning towards the former angel, Dean fixated his eyes on him in a dispirited longing look. His lips swigged down as he did when thinking what to say while twisting his head to observe the sun again:  
  
“We’re family Cas.” he finally says “Sam, me, Bobby, you; it’s what we do, it’s what we'll always do: protect each other.”  
  
He sighed rubbing a hand behind his neck as he deliberate on his own words. _‘But I couldn’t protect Bobby’_ , was the thought poking in his head after another beer sip.  
  
“Remove this weigh off yours shoulders, Dean.” Castiel said putting one hand in the hunter's biceps, knowing exactly what was in his mind “It was not your blame, nor Sam’s.”  
  
Air flowed through Dean’s nostrils and he assents with Cas, getting lost in his thoughts again. However, before letting the ‘weight of the world’ afflicts the hunter once more, Castiel pulled a new topic:  
  
“The world is a good place, after all.”  
  
“What?”  
  
Dean refuted, almost making fun of the former angel until he realized his serious – and somehow calm – features. He let his eyes drift over Castiel, as he started a monologue:  
  
“There are good people dwelling on Earth, as an example of Bobby Singer. Even Sam, with all the past plights has a noble nature. And you, Dean, someone willing to protect others.”

Dean allowed a quick sarcastic laugh out:  
  
“I’m no saint, Cas. Have done a lot of shit and sins, the worst ones, and you know it.”  
  
Waggling negatively his head, Cas swung his glare to Dean:  
  
“Yes, it’s true. But I never said you’re perfect, I simply believe you have a good heart.”  
  
Embarrassing a little after Cas's statement and (why not) devoted smile, Dean curved his elbows over his legs. He threw the almost empty bottle palm to palm until he finally – being moved by the alcohol and a unique sincerity moment – speak to the ex-angel:  
  
“Thanks Cas. I’ve never thought I would have friends, not after Bobby. I mean, I have Sam, but now you are part of our small superfriends group.”  
  
“Superfriends?” Cas frowned, while Dean grinned with his own joke.  
  
“Oh yeah, we even have a fan club and commemorative cards!” he giggled “A real secret good versus evil society! Just don’t wear full colored tight pants.”     
  
Castiel’s head tilted to one side, as he did when not aware of what one was speaking, but he soon put away the confusion, being moved by Dean’s laughter. It must be a silly joke, he supposes.  
  
“I believe…” Cas stoped mid speech, wandering his blue iris side to side “I believe these are some of the reasons I grow fond of humankind.”  
   
“Because of my jokes, unique and amazing sense of humor?”  
  
“That too.”  
  
The cars started to creak due Dean’s rough movements. He was holding his belly as he laughed so much it hurt, imagining when Cas rebelled against the angels years ago: ‘Sorry, I’m gonna stay down here, there’s this guy with really good jokes.’     
  
“Cas, seriously, don’t ever change!” he said in the middle of giggles.  
  
As Dean recovered his breath and calmed down, Castiel retake his speech as if it wasn’t interrupted:  
  
“Because of humans in all manners. I’ve spent much time here; as the world advanced through eras, living, witnessing, observing, like no other angel had opportunity before. I fought alongside people like Bobby Singer, accompanied Sam’s redemptions, continuously insisting in return to the light. And you Dean." He pauses, gaving the hunter a half smile "I stayed at your side, seeing how humans are capable of great deeds, altruist and sincere acts; a pure sacrifice, beyond everything. I fell in love with this grandiose mortal world, full of those incredible existences. For me Dean, you are the most important of them all."  
  
Changing his body to a soft position, Dean arranged himself on the hood, just staring at Castiel. He didn’t understand at all how an angel (former angel) could think someone like him is worth of any importance. However, if they got into that discussion, the day in memory of Bobby would be ruined, so he choose to stand still.  
  
“Do I seem… Selfish? When I exposed those impressions?” Castiel asked.  
  
“‘Bout me? Ha!” he smirked “No, no, I know I’m irresistible!”.  
  
“It’s because it’s true.” he continues, for even if humanity scout the former angel now, he still had conserved some purity in his words and actions “I believe it is true to speak I was doubtful over the motives of the Lord to save you from hell, yet I accepted His orders with good will. Nevertheless, despite the clashes, you showed yourself a worthy human being, in a way others can be but chose not to.”  
  
He stopped to take a deep breath before retaking his speech:  
  
“Continuously I observed at distance, men and women, with the same opportunities and chances as yours preferring the other side, the perdition. I thought humanity was long gone lost, and it saddened me, seeing the most beloved creation of the Lord desecrated. But then I met you.” He paused, with a calm smile on his face “You, Dean, chose a tortuous path, but are proud of it. For this I respect you, for this I say you’re the most important one to me. I now believe God gave you to me to show me hope.”    
  
Dean cleaned his throat feeling his cheeks burn a little. He never thought all of this about himself, neither wanted to look like a ‘redeemer’. However, the angel (former angel) pronounced each syllable as a prophecy – something right and unique; concise. Castiel was certain of his choice, for deciding to stay on Earth, for choosing Dean instead of the angels, even knowing about the hatred he would receive. Dean took a deep breath feeling ungrateful towards Castiel’s esteem of him. He was, so many times, saved by his friend, that he lost count. Cas was more like his guard angel or something. Spreading his lips in a tight smile, Dean flattened his hand on Cas’s back:  
  
“Thanks Cas”.  
  
Castiel agreed, facing the horizon again:  
  
“Being human is… Complicated.”  
  
“Ah! Yes! That’s true!” Dean agrees, drinking his beer.  
  
Dean threw the bottle away and laid down on the hood adjusting his hands under his nape. The sky was in an orange like color as the night approaches. Sam had send a message about his delay, because he knew Dean got apprehensive if too much time had passed without any warning – a habit acquired after all the destiny's punches. Dean felt his body getting lighter, almost falling asleep, until he noticed his personal space being invaded.  
  
“Dammit Cas! I already told you ‘bout being this close!”  
  
“Sorry, it’s a habit.”  
  
He said, retraining his torso up. Dean stared at him and frowned, not understanding Cas attitude until - finally - asking:  
  
“What’s the matter?”  
  
“It’s eery.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Humans sensations.”  
  
Castiel said leaning his blue eyes down towards his hand. He opened and closed his fingers as if he was looking to a precious object. Dean seemed apprehensive, because Cas was acting weird - more than usual. He lifts his elbows establishing his weight, but he stopped middle way. Castiel opened his mouth again still staring at his own hands.  
  
“I get... What’s the word? Startled, sometimes.”  
  
“Startled? A guy who destroyed thousands of creatures just with his presence, startled?” he smirked.    
  
“It’s all recent to me Dean.” replied the former angel with anxiety “I feel… For the Lord, I feel!”  
  
He wheezed, realizing now how even his timbre and phrases had changed. Emotions were uncharted to him, nothing similar to what humans experience during their lives. Castiel only obeyed orders. However, he was now capable of developing his feelings as a human, without being retracted by his angelical essence; with nothing holding him back.  
  
“Confused thoughts are usually formulated in my mind.” he continues “With feelings and antic fussiness.”  
  
“Fussiness? Okay, now you sound like a ninety old lady.”  
  
“As when we're talking.”  
  
He presses his fingers over his right palm, still thrilled by the shiver the soft touch provoked in his own sensitive skin. And Dean almost united his eyebrows, as he squeezed them. What the hell the angel (former angel, dammit!) was babbling about? Nothing made any sense:  
  
“Talking? What this has anything to do with feelings, Cas?”  
  
“Sometimes I think I’m going to die.”  
  
“Die?!” Dean sat down quickly, with a stunned face.  
   
“Once I read, in one of your books at a library. ‘The human body’ was the tittle, at a time I fetch to comprehend more about humans functions.”  
  
Agreeing, Dean let him continued:  
  
“Muscles, nerves, electric signals, humans are moved by this constant pulse that originates in the brain and controls the body. I thought that this was the most important part, but then I read about the heart. It described the blood pumping through the veins as the living nourishment of humans. I got doubtful and fascinated at the same time.”  
  
“Cas get to the point!” he shouts already impatient.  
  
Turning his attention to Dean, Castiel kept his eyes fixed on the hunter’s green orbs, and Dean needed to admit to himself that those blue globes of the ex-angel had always made him distracted:  
  
“I also read that the heart should beat at least eighty times per minute, and a value over that might indicate dieses, even fatal ones.”  
  
“Cas, what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense!” Dean scratched his nape nervously “What do you mean?!”  
  
In a sudden movement, Castiel held Dean's wrist putting a hand on his chest. Dean bounced surprised, however stopped with the feeling of a high speed beat resounding inside the former angel:  
  
"What the-"  
  
"It does this ever since I started having human feelings.”  
  
“Cas you should have said earlier! You gotta see a doctor!” he stated, really worried.  
  
“But it’s intriguing."  Cas goes on, already letting go of Dean's wrist  "It doesn't do that all the time"  
  
"When then?"  
  
Staring deep into Dean's eyes, Castiel half open his mouth as if he was going to let an answer loose in the air:  
  
"When I'm near you."  
  
Startled, Dean shoved his head backwards. He tried not to let his thoughts overflow in his mind, but it was almost impossible not to. Did Castiel have any idea of what he was saying? No, he didn’t, he nearly knew what was going on with him.  
  
“It also happens when I think about you Dean, or when you call me. I hear you saying my name and-”  
  
“Okay, okay!” Dean interrupted “Cas I got it, you don’t have to say anymore.”  
  
“You understand what this is Dean?”  
  
He could’ve known something, but he was afraid his brain had melted. Castiel's experience about feelings, and humans in absolute, where rusty, and he was probably confusing things:  
  
“Look, Cas…”  he stopped without any idea where to start.  
  
And to make it worse, the former angel keep staring at Dean, tilting his neck to one side, dubious. The hunter closed his eyes, trying to ignore the innocence in Castiel’s eyes. Gosh, was he really going to have this kind of conversation with him?  
  
“Cas have you... You know... Had this feeling with someone else? Sam or maybe a chick?”  
  
“Not Sam or other.” affirms “Oh, but now that you mention it…”  
  
Dean sighed, relieved. Yes, it was all a misunderstanding from Castiel lack of experience – or he hoped so:  
  
“I felt something similar with Meg, and after that one night with Aprill.”  
  
Meg and Aprill! Of course! Must be it! Just a maze of incomprehensible feelings, since, as Cas have said, he had an enormous respect towards Dean, and those things ended up in a whirl in the former angel head:  
  
“So, Cas, I-”  
  
“But it didn’t beat so strong. Neither provoke dizziness.”  
  
“D-dizziness?”  
  
“Seems like a disease. I should have read more of that book. I’m sorry to bother you Dean.”  
  
Standing still, the hunter had no idea of what to do or say. He sighed scratching his neck in a visible discomfort. Not because Castiel practically confessed to him, but because… Well! It was Cas! For the love of- he didn’t finish the sentence. Breathing, Dean looked at his watch wanting to know where Sam was. It would be a good time to show up.  
   
“Dean?”  
  
Castiel called and despite his ashamed state, the hunter looked back at him:  
  
“What?”  
  
“Is it awry? Those feelings, I mean?”  
  
What to say? If it was strange to Dean? Yes, absolutely, but he just couldn’t throw this all over Cas, after all, his friend was being the most sincere here, without any bad intentions. Castiel was stilladapting himself, so he needed guidance. In another sigh, Dean took a better position on the hood, trying to gather all his patience:  
  
“Look, Cas, it’s not wrong. It’s just a little strange for me, ya know? ‘Cause I don’t like dudes. Got a few flirts, but never hooked up one.”  
  
“Dude?” he repeates, a little disordered “I was an angel, Dean, a creature of light and grace I’m not a ‘dude’.”  
  
“Well, you’re wearing this 'MIB meat dude’ suit over there, and now you’re human, so you’re a ‘dude’ Cas, get used to it.”  
  
“But this… Crave… I and my brothers shared before, this gentle imprint. Although, never afore I possessed a physical body to express it.”  
  
“You… Shared this feeling with the others feathery ass angels?”  
  
“Yes. It was similar to when we felt touched by the Lord. A warm, cozy and kind feeling. However, inside this vessel I fell more, react more, and only to you. And it is… Curious.”  
  
“Right, you talk ‘bout ‘God’s touch and sharing warm things.” Dean snorted “Sure this is not strange at all compared to now!”  
  
“For me it wasn’t, never was Dean. Understand, an angel does not aply to any Earth bondary. We are existences of light, nothing else.”  
  
“Sorry to say, but things changed, Cas.”  
  
“But what I feel for you persist.”  
  
He countered, and Dean’s ears heated up a bit.  Not for his words, but for Castiel’s honesty, his pure confession that only carried admiration in the way he looked at Dean – almost not blinking.   
  
“When I was an angel I felt linked to you, a connection that made me… Made me blissful. I still carry those feelings, but they appeared stronger now, and it have developed these past moths.”  
  
Dean eyes got wide. What to say? What to do? He didn’t have the slightest idea. If it was a woman ah! He would’ve get her naked right way. Yet Dean wasn’t disgusted by Castiel, on the contrary! The hunter even understood how his friend must be confused and, in a way, believed Cas had turned their bond into something more profound. But Dean hadn’t. And Cas didn’t know how humans function at all, or how they react to some circumstances. For his lack of experience, so, Dean had no reason to be upset or get away from him. But it didn't cease his discomfort:  
  
“Cas I… uh… Appreciate, for real man. But you gotta put those ideas in place, dude. We’re friends. And that’s it.”  
  
“You don’t feel anything for me Dean?”  
  
Get by surprise, the hunter let his lips split, not forming any word, and he seriously pondered about drinking another bear:  
  
“I… Feel the same as Sam, Cas. Told you: we’re Family.”  
  
Castiel assented, turning his face back to the almost black horizon; however, Dean was capable to distinguish the small tip of sadness adorning Cas’s eyes. A wool of air stopped in his throat and the hunter saw himself in a uncomfortable and strange position. They’re friends, nothing else. He couldn’t give hope to Castiel, but he didn’t want to get away from him. Breathing deeply, Dean thought about how Cas’s ‘sensations’ - was he really thinking all of this?! - would dissolve with time, and this day will become just an amusing memory.     
  
Sam came back with the so deserved lunch-dinner, and they went to the half burned kitchen in Bobby’s house to eat burgers, stuffing themselves with cholesterol. With Sam there the talking became joyful and even Castiel participated, starting to understand some references the brothers made. He laughed here and there, but his mind still vaguely far away.  
  
Passing midnight they decided to get back to work with the usual research until they found something about a city three days distance. Early morning they would raid there, and so it was bed time. Sam and Dean stayed on a shared mattress, so used to this already, and Cas took the other single one. Half the living room had enough space - and a better smell - than any other place, creating the perfect place for 'camp'. Saying goodnight, the trio fell asleep in no time. Sorta. Castiel really wanted to, ‘cause he soon learned how necessary it was for humans to rest after a long day. And he would’ve done it, if his mind wasn’t a pool of inner discussion focused on Dean.  
  
The way he laughs, mostly. His sarcastic looks and jokes made him possess a lighter air around him. But above that was his kind presence. Dean suffered so much in his life. Lost his parents, gave his life for Sam, taking him away from all the problems, saved so many people, and still, after giving so much for the cause, he insisted, he wanted to keep going forward this path until his final days, if he could. Maybe it was because of the burden he carried.  
  
Cas knew the weight pushing down the hunter, over and over again; all this pain and whimper, and because of his nature he would never be able to stop, not when he knew others might suffer the same. Dean was a incredible human being, Cas believed.  
  
However, could he be satisfied only with this? Cas needed to learn many things about his new life, but about this matter he was convinced, it was the only certain he held from his past as an angel. He liked Dean, his friendship, the person he is. Castiel wanted to be by his side, and sometimes, after he fell, nervousness hung in his chest always when around Dean. In the books they called this passion.  
  
Castiel took a deep breath noticing how this act of saturate his lungs with oxygen helped him become less distressed. He needed to comprehend countless situations, live other experiences in his brand new human life, but about this passion he understood very well. He loved humans, their complexity and shatered way of fixing problems.  
  
And Dean was the one he most loved; the person he left everything for. Closing his blue eyes he slept beneath the fixed image of Dean in his mind, hushing down.  
  
Humans possess family, bonds created since birth. In another category were friends, with rapport of trust that go outside the bloodline kind. Beyond that, Castiel knew about lovers, those which you relinquish your body and soul, embracing a mortal nexus that travels between family and friends, to a connection leading to a profound link, sharing sensations and emotions, exchanged in touches skin to skin.  
  
And, if Castiel focused his thoughts about Dean he was sure that this was exactly what he wanted, this exchange. Become Dean’s friend, family, and lover, able to touch him and spread all this burning heat thru his fingers inside the hunter.  
  
Cas could get used to this for the rest of his human life, as long as it was together with Dean. In all senses of this confession.

  
   


	2. Whisky sincerity

 

Castiel’s information’s from yesterday gave Dean a little bit of discomfort. The former angel didn’t mention anything again, so Dean guessed it was better let it be; don’t push the trigger. After all, like Cas’s said, it should’ve be a confusion because of the new human feelings. _‘When I was an angel I felt linked to you’._

Dean backed off Cas’s words before his mind started to overthinking. The trio were doing great in the impala, driving for the next city where they’d find innumerous missing’s and deaths cases. Castiel came along ‘cause, well, he was already there in Bobby’s memorial day. And an extra help sometimes was good, although the ex-angel still resented the lack of power he had now. Nonsense.

For a moment or two, Dean thought he saw a disaprove galre coming from Sam - or better, that thing inside him, but chose not to ask Zeke about it. It was a hunt, they did it all the time, period. And Castiel were his friend. It was bad enough he had to expel him from the Bunker, so he wouldn't let this jerk dictate who he talked to.

At last in the city, they rented a motel room and started a research. Visiting houses, disguises, questioning witnesses and a small amount of holy water in the rights places, but no luck at all. Coming back to the bedroom, they buried their heads on books looking for a solution, but soon got drained out as no result seemed do appear:

“Well, I’m tired.” – Sam said stretching his arms – “Let’s go out or something. See if we hear any rumor at the local bar.”

“Sam, sometimes I'm proud to be your brother.”

“Weren’t you proud of him before, Dean?”

Castiel asked, and the brothers laughed dragging him out the room with old cheese smell. The bar was not the best one in town, but it was crowed. Castiel still needed to get used to the beer taste while Sam and Dean was in the second mug.

“Hey, that one over there is giving you the green light." - Said Dean poking Sam’s arm, and he soon got up adjusting his hair backwards:

“Observe the master”. – attested with a smile.

“And who taught you?”

Sam gave his brother a small punch on the shoulder. He could've get some information with this girl, after all. Waving his head Dean smirked, taking another sip. Then he notice: it was the first time he and Cas where alone after the talk at the junkyard, three days ago. The hunter cleaned his throat wishing that Cas avoided the subject, and for that he engaged a small talk:

“Have any clue? Of what this might be?”

“A demon probably.” – answered Castiel drinking the bitter liquid – “The victims presented symbols sculpt on the chest, like a ritual.”

“A conjuring ritual, maybe?”

“Perhaps, but we must be certain, to avoid unexpected surprises.”

“Relax, we’re awesome.”

Dean chuckled finishing his beer and grabbing another. It was impressive his speed in drinking such a thing. Castiel preferred not to delay this much with the mug, swallowing the rest of the booze. Coughing, he wrinkled his eyes, putting the mug back on the table:

“Easy there.” – Dean said, amused – “For an ex celestial being you know how to drink, Cas.”

“Sam and you seem to enjoy this, but I’m not found of the drink yet. The taste is quite strong.”

“Strong?” – smirked – “You should taste whisky! That will give you a headache!”

“I do not desire a headache.” – replied.

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s a good headache, the kind that relaxes you and makes the problems go away. Alcohol industry is ruled by that.”

“By problems?”

“No, people with problems.”

Castiel pondered for a while. He sure was in need of an unwinding time, most because, although what the hunter have told him, Cas mind constantly drew him to thoughts about Dean, numerous times a day, and those where thoughts slightly… Impure.

He wanted to know what Dean thinks of him, of what he had said, if he could at least consider a chance of... What again? What Castiel really wanted? Not even he was sure, and this frightened him. However, the worst was not having a closure from Dean.

Askance, he saw Sam with his hands rested on the waist of the woman flirting with him. They were really close, she with her skinny fingers flattened in Sam’s chest, the mouths moving during the conversation, but almost glued. Castiel could picture himself like this with Dean, even if for only a short moment. Dean and he talking, lips so close nearly delivering a kiss…

“I want a whisky.”

He attested lastly, watching the surprised and pleased look in Dean’s face while he got at the bar taking two glasses of the brown drink. Cas rubbed his hand over the black hair staring at the empty seat where Dean was. He remembered the night he spent with that woman; Aprill. The embraces, the tenderness, a fever spreading from his insides, and suddenly a greed of touching Dean the same way inflated in him like an insane desire. The hunter was back putting the glasses over the table, sitting down:

“To dirty bars, and cheap alcohol!”

Dean toasted, turning the whisky down on one go. The former angel stand still looking at his full glass in hands, gathering courage - more to drive away his thoughts than the pleasure of drinking - and mimicked Dean, felling the blazing scalding down to his stomach. He was barely aware of the narcotic effects in alcohol, and how much his inhibitions would begin to dissipate. He coughed, dropping the glass clumsily on the table while Dean watched, holding a laugh:

“Common, be a man! This’s not a pussy drink!” – mocked, seeing the twisted looking in Cas’s face.

“Dean you really enjoy this?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Will you have another dose?” – inquired after he got control over his mouth again, feeling a little dizzy.

Staring at him, Dean was unsure if it was wise to let Castiel drink like that. Well, they were in a bar after all, having fun. Blast it! What harm could it make?

“Cas, welcome to the hangover world.”

And he went to the bar again bringing more glasses.

 

\-------------------------(...)-------------------------

 

At the fifth dose, Cas had found his limit. Vision went blurry and his fingers tingled, while Dean was giggling, having fun with Cas’s funny looks:

“This reminds me the first time I got hammered.”- said, drawing Castiel’s attention:

“I was fifteen, maybe. Dude, I drank it all, ya know? My father didn’t had a clue that I went to a show with a fake ID. Luckily I seemed older than my age.”

“What you did there?” – Cas was able to formulate the sentence still hearing an insistent hum in his ear.

“Ah! I got blasted. Wanted to try out everything. Beer, vodka, whisky, rum! Ha! Ha! Ha!” – laughed – “I was destroyed. But I was able to make out with some girl. She was stunned when my father came into the table and pulled me out yelling that I was only  fifteen. It was hilarious man.”

“Your father was caring.”

“Yeah, is his way.”

Dean’s eyes collapsed in a hollow space at the table, thoughtful. John, despite his mistakes, was a good father and friend. Instructor in this hunter life, but above that, a man who worried entirely with him and Sam. Dean missed him.

“I’m sorry.” – Castiel said in a concerned tone.

“Nah, it’s fine.” – Dean shrug letting go of the empty glass.

“I know this must be difficult…”

“Cas, relax.” – countered – “Talking ‘bout my dad once in a while is a good thing. Sometimes it seems I forget him.”

“No, Dean, you would never forget him, and he knows it.”

His green globes hover over Castiel’s blue gaze. The oceanic vast in them appeared to transmit an instant of peace and kindness towards Deans. And he liked those moments, when he got lost between those calm and serene orbs of Cas’s. It was one of his best qualities, being able to deconstruct Dean with one stare to afterwards remodel him in a repaired person.      

“I like talking to you Cas.” - admitted, enlarging his lips, turning his face over the bar carefree until he heard and answer:

“I also appreciate talking to you Dean.”

“A toast to that!” - he said swallowing the rest of the whisky.

“I like you Dean.”

Castiel now learned about the effects of a strong drink. The words came fluid through his tingled tongue and drift among the two of them for a few minutes. He was being the most sincere ever. Cas became static after what he said, and even more after seeing the glare Dean was giving to him. He didn’t know for sure what Castiel have said, or better, in what meaning was he speaking, so Dean answered at what he believed it was:

“I… Like you too, Cas.”

He liked him, he liked Sam, both where part of his life in full time, but something was alerting Dean that this wasn’t going to end well.

Cas looked around watching Sam rising his hand to the girl’s face kissing her. They were speaking the whole night, exchanging touches, stares and impressions, leaving him and Dean alone. Castiel was happy for spending some quality time with the hunter, and he would’ve enjoy even more his company if the alcohol effects where less enlightening of his desires. Still staring the kiss between Sam and the girl, he turned back to Dean with his eyes fixed in the hunter mouth, making him a little uncomfortable. Then, shocking Dean completely, Castiel split his lips with a lustful glare:

“I would like to kiss you Dean.”   

It was delivered with all the letters, and the hunter just widened his eyes astonished. He choke with his own saliva, praying that this were only a momentum lapse of his head playing with him. No, Cas didn’t just said that! Impossible!   

“What did you said Cas?!” - asked in an imposing tone, almost as if he was attacking the ex-angel with words, however before getting an answer, Sam came back, excited:

“I found something, let’s go, hurry!”

Dean blinked a few times before getting up. Castiel followed ignoring what just happened and tried to figure why he said that. The sentence was formulated in his mind, but he didn’t had any intention to speak out loud. It was a greater force that pushed each syllable out of his mouth – called whisky.

And the mood between him and Dean couldn’t be worse.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, whisky? Love this! hahahaha!
> 
> Soon more emotions, soon more troubles, and making out a litlle!
> 
> Kissus! Leave a comment if you're liking it!


	3. Bad taste of blood

 

 According to the girl, Katie, Sam found a small connection between a house on sale in the town with the missing people.

Apparently the brokers were trying to find a good deal for about six months, and besides the great location, no good offers showed up. Sam remembered the research they made earlier and connected the bizarre air surrounding the house with an old farm community that lived there centuries ago. The farmers did everything to collect a decent harvest, buying strong slaves, and worthy materials. All so damn perfect to be just an coincidence. And the house was situated right on the city limits that linked it to the old farm – now a larger amount of prosperous land – seven keys locked by the owners. Obviously Sam took notice, whiling to give it a try.

“Let’s break apart.” – stated Sam – “I’m going to the second floor you guys check the first.”

“Cas can go there, I’m gonna go to the basement.”    

He agreed, without noticing the surly tone in Dean’s voice. But Cas did. Dean was fucking pissed – best emphasis to describe him in this moment. The former angel crossed a line saying he wanted to kiss him. Well, he really wanted to, but would never have spoken out loud if the alcohol wasn’t working. He promised himself never to drink whisky again. Cas them just nodded going to the kitchen while the two brothers dispersed. Weapons in hand, holy water and salt bullets in the pockets, the basic stuff, just in case.

Down the basement stairs, Dean turned on the switch revealing a meager light, slowing getting inside in the yet tremendous dark room. He was looking for symbols, conjuring signs, a trail, anything, however his mind only could focus on the bar, in Cas and his words. Everything was gradually sinking to the vile direction possible. Dean didn’t know what to do. He owned his life to the man! And at the same time he really liked Cas, but not in that way, not how the former angel wanted. Common… He couldn’t! Right?

And what if Cas’s feelings were real? If he really liked Dean in that way? The sudden realization made the hunter legs unsteady. He took a deep breath, rubbing his eyes, ‘cause he had work to do and he had to concentrated on it, not be thinking those… Insanities!

In the middle of the cellar he saw nothing, needing to grab a lantern. As far as he could tell, no abnormalities. Shelves and more shelves stuffed with rubbish, garbage no one used a long time, a washing machine, a dryer, and a large heater in the back, apparently turned off.

Even so Dean was sweeting, and the night lied cold. He got bothered, frowning his brow, and so he turned around when a strange movement caught his attention right behind him. Something wicked was going on there.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

On the second floor Sam got stuck with the same feeling as Dean: the house had an odd atmosphere. He looked over the rooms and bathrooms for any singularity and the only thing drawing his attention was a small statue of the size of his hand. Is was a saint, or at least appeared like one, with the mantle covering its body entirely while a gold halo adorned the head. Sam stretched his hand wanting to grab it for a better analysis, and in the same very instant the bedroom became warmer – very warmer.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Castiel just entered the kitchen. The windows stayed locked without any sign of burglary. All the cabinets were empty with just a simple amount of pans hanging above the stove. He looked over the huge balcony forming a ‘u’ around the place, but the kitchen seemed to be pretty normal. Except for the small statue supported in one of the wall cabinets, and the quick heat crawling from the floor up to his head.

It all happened at the same time, Sam’s and Castiel’s encounter with the statues, and Dean’s brunt with the entity dwelling in the cellar. Dean was tossed to every corner of the place, causing his voice to grown hoarse by the heat, buises covering his torso and arms:

_“Hunter, hunter, there’s a hunter here…”_

The supernatural voice whispered as if each word was mixed in others mutters. Dean wanted to call Sam or even Cas – though his reluctant in talking to him any time sooner – but the unknown creature had sealed his voice. If this kept going, he might end up dead.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Sam was still analyzing the strange statue, however only after he surrounded the room, attesting his loneliness. He thought it was better reunite with his brother and Castiel, but when he got closer to the door it shut down in a slump.

“Dean! Cas!”

Yelled, grabbing the pommel, regretting it right after. The metal was scorching, burning his skin and making him droop the gun while he pressed the forearm against his belly. He got isolated in that space that started to heat up even more - like a stove.

Castiel heard Sam’s shouting. It was like the house was alive, or possessed. He snapped his tongue not believing their mistake. Objects – and houses were objects – could suffer certain kinds of possession. They should’ve had thrown holy water on the entrance and, remembering that, it was exactly what he did. Up two feet’s on the balcony Cas’s was on the same height as the statue, launching holy water. Smoke rise around it slowing down the temperature in the kitchen.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

At the basement, the creature stopped playing _ping pong_ with Dean putting one of her twisted hands against her head, feeling pain on the same place Castiel had launched holy water on the statue. Dean couldn’t clearly see her, ‘cause she resembled a distorted image, but was capable to recognize female features. He tried to shout again, but just an uttering and weak scream escaped as he felt his throat burning, with a taste of iron rising to his tongue. The heat dried his trachea leaving him deprived of air.

Cas didn’t heard Dean, wasn’t even able because of the distance and the basement closed door. Still a greater force inside him grew in an uncomfortable presence, as if a vestige of his grace alerted him Dean was in danger. Jumping off the balcony  he splashed holy water in the way with scorching waves hitting him, but rapidly Cas was on the basement door. The pommel shined a bright yellow-red incandescent glow, and the former angel poured the rest of the water in it. With his hand around the shirt fabric he rolled the pommel going down the stairs in a concerned euphoria. The weak light gave him a small distinction between objects, however the guttural voice hatching through the corners of the room made him apprehensive.

_“One more! There’s one more in here! Common, Common! They came after us!”_

They chanted in choir envolved in a dreary melody. The entity appeared before Castiel, blurred and static, wearing burned clothes; black hollows over a putrefied body, with its head moving in twirls, as if it was broken and tried to stay in place. She stretched her hand revealing long fingers in claw shape. Demon? Ghost? Entity? What was that? Cas couldn't discern. The only certain was that he needed to help Dean. He was struggling on the floor, cantilevered against a few shelves, pulling his shirt collar down in an attempt to release the tension in his chest. Castiel walked slowly, turning face to face to the creature, stopping between Dean and her, pointing the gun at the monster. It was Dean who taught Cas to shot, and even if he needed practice, at this distance he would be able to hit it.

_“One, two, three hunters! Three in here! Common, Common, Common after them! Let’s go after them!”_

They repeated in a successive chant. Castiel pulled the trigger seeing the bullet pass through the creature. Snapping his tongue angrily, he stepped back. The entity appeared to be laughing and came in a jump towards him. At the same time, Cas grabbed the small flask of holy water from his pocket. Throwing it at her, the creature cried in a sharp and melancholic tone, squirming his body in pain.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

In the second floor, Sam dragged up to the dresser where the statue was. He pulled the holy water and sprinkled on his face felling relieve instantly. The heat settled down and he slapped the saint figure, making it fell from inside the circle were it was.    

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

The creature in the basement hissed putting the two hands over her head, jiggling it in a bizarre distortion.

 _“Bad Hunter!”_ – shouted her – _“Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!”_

Echoed the roar until she couldn’t take it anymore, vanishing. Castiel took a deep breath hearing a rough cough coming from Dean. He crouched reaching the hunter head, resting his back weight on his lap:

“Dean?! Dean!”

He called, but Dean’s eyes were orbiting behind his eyelid from side to side in an attempting to wake up from the faint, in vain. The hunter heard his name, someone was calling, but who? The voice was familiar, looked like Castiel. Ah! Yes! It was Cas. The dude with the stubble and shaggy hair. His savior angel, his friend, the now human Cas. _‘I would like to kiss you Dean.’_

The sentence erupted Dean’s sleepiness and he widened his eyes, gulping with the so, so close sight of Cas. He growled a little apprehensive and disoriented, without knowing what happened or where he was, or better: how he ended up on Cas’s lap! His head was spinning in doubts and memories of the bar and then, confused, he delivered a heavy punch on Castiel jaw.

Cas let go of Dean falling siting on the floor with his hand over the mouth, a bad taste of blood. He narrowed his eyes graving this unpleasant blazing feeling of the punch in his consciousness, not wanting to feel it again.

“The fuck was that?!” – Dean shout, breathless.

Opening his mandible to crack the bone in a loud noise, Castiel answered:

“You were unconscious Dean.”

“I was... I faint and you come this close?! Staring at me?! What’s your problem?! Am I the freaking sleeping beauty or something?!”

“I wanted to wake you up and-”

“Ah! Right! Wake me up! Dammit Cas, you’re messing up everything!”

Castiel tried to open his mouth to explain himself, but Sam entered the cellar in the middle of their yelling:

“You guys okay?! Cas?” - he exclaimed after seeing his pain face.

“I am, it was just an unexpected closure."

Dean stand quiet pressing one hand in his forehead trying to organize what was happening. He needed to separate the times correctly in memory. They weren’t on the bar anymore, it was the suspicious house. There were a creature in there, they fought. And Cas busted in facing the entity, saving him and… Oh crap! What have him done?!

“I found this in the bedroom on the second floor.”

Stated Sam cutting Dean’s reasoning, showing the small statue:

“There was one in the kitchen as well.” – said Cas.

“I tried to pull it from the dresser, but the bedroom became really hot.” – continued Sam – “Needed to drag myself and when I tapped it, everything went back to normal.”

“Maybe it happened at the same time I threw holy water on the creature.”

Agreeing, Sam turned to Dean:

“You okay?”

Waking up from his dizziness, Dean cleaned his throat crossing his arms while surrounding the basement.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

In a hidden corner he saw a small red sign with the statue they’re talking about:

“This thing?” – he asked grabbing the piece.

“Yes.” – said Sam – “It’s seems that each level of the house has one, and by the position they’re put in the same vertical line.”

Dean sniffed, placing his hands inside the leather jacket. 

“Let’s get outta here.” – snorted going to the stairs – “We have more and more research to do.”

Sam and Castiel agreed leaving the God damn house for good. Dean kept his distance, looking over his shoulder towards the former angel, having the image of his face so close – the long eyelashes that adorned Cas’s blue orbs and the plush lips - engraved in his mind. Angered with himself for being such a dumbass and not thinking straight, ending up hurting his friend.

Cas didn’t deserve that...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promissed some hot scenes, but they'll take a while to start. See end notes for more info about that!
> 
> Hope you guys like this chapter, I'm trying to create a atmosphere here!!!
> 
> like I said, Smut time WILL happen, but not now, not in the next chapter. There will be jealousy and intriguing revelations, but the romance will take place only in chapter 132 - I am translating It! Soon... pretty soon guys!
> 
> I like to have a background, what can I say? When things move slow but in a good rythim, everything is better!
> 
> Soooo Is the translation good? Anything wrong? You guys can tell me!  
>    
> See you soon!


	4. Personal space

 

“A harvest spirit?” - Queried Dean, rubbing his nape.  
  
“Exactly.” – affirmed Sam.  
  
“Didn’t we kill one of those things already?”  
  
“This’s different.” – he turned the book towards his brother – “Look the coincidences. During Christianity conversion, pagan entities were turned into catholic saints so they could gain more congregation members. This explains the statues we’ve found in the house, it must be the image adopted by modern church.”  
  
Dean read the book paragraph aloud, craving his green globes into the beautiful – and wicked – shadowy, bloodshot figures:  
  
“Each sixty six years, six victims to be relinquished for the sixtieth sixty day of the season… My freaking God! The hell kind of fetish those things have for number six?!”  
  
“The number is considered an imperfection towards God’s creation of Earth and Men in seven days.”  
  
“Gee, thanks for the bible lecture Cas, but this’s no church children class.”    
  
Despite the asperity Sam notice in Dean’s reaction – clearly inappropriate – they had few time to solve the mystery. Six deaths, it stands. They’re in fourth. Which means they required to figured out who was going to be the next one.  
  
“Let’s trace a pattern from the last attacks and try to establish a link.” – stated Sam grabbing the book back.  
  
“Sixtieth sixty day of the season…” – Castiel recited frowning – “Winter already commencenced , according to the intend, the  final ritual will be perfomed in fifteen days.”  
  
“Day eight of December.” - concluded Sam.  
  
“Ah! Hell!” – Dean huffed – “We’re gonna be in this forsaken town for fifteen fucking days?”  
  
“If we find out who is doing this we’ll leave early.”  
  
Sam’s logic stimulated Dean. His brother went to the library, as the good nerd he was, but Dean only notice his mistake once the presence of Cas was alone with him in the bedroom. His head was functioning a hundred percent now, allowing yesterday details to get organized, and creating an immense guilty feeling inside him. He punched Cas, and he was wrong. Dean didn’t like to apologize, but he also hated to be a dick. Cleaning his throat he stepped near Castiel – who was staring at the computer with a intriguing look:  
  
“Cas.”  
  
He turned his neck, making Dean resent at the sight of the redness in his friend’s cheek:  
  
“Yes?”  
  
Scratching his nape during a nervousness crisis, he puffed, saying brusquely:  
  
“Sorry ‘bout the punch Cas, I didn’t mean it. I was just a little dizzy and-“  
  
“Do not concern about the matter Dean, I comprehend.”  
  
Freaking gigantic blue orbs hazed over Dean’s green eyes, deranging him. Purity emanated from the bright indigo glare, making remorse grow in Dean’s belly, in a coarse disgust. How Castiel was not pissed at him?  
  
“Still, I’m sorry. That shitty spirit messed me up like a fucking blender.” – grinned – “Night hours got shuffled, and I only remembered the bar, the drinks and… Everything else!”  
  
Acquiescent, Castiel raised from the chair reclining his back at the wall. Glaring a dirty spot on the floor, he discerned that - without alcohol in his veins - he felt less inclinable to talk. But then his chest ached just thinking about Dean and what he was saying. Taking a deep breath, using his calm mind, he began his speach – accepting that there was no turning back:  
  
“It wasn't my intention to disturb you Dean, I apologize.”  
  
Surprised, the hunter waved a hand in the air, gusting away the tension:  
  
“Cas, relax man. I should’ve warn you ‘bout whisky!” – he laughed – “But dude, you're really hammered! I mean, you talk a lot of crap…”  
  
Dean laughed, pushing away Castiel’s perspectives or any kind of misunderstanding they could have. However the former angel, despite his humanity, couldn’t lie. Cas didn’t know how to be insincere. He did what was part of his nature, angel or man. And Castiel assumed it was time to cut all lose ends:  
  
“Dean, I spoke sincerely.”  
  
Uttered, with a crocked smile, making Dean bewildered, lost in a abstracted surprised mien. But before saying something, Castiel lead on:  
  
“I would never deliberately said it if i wasn't… How you described? 'Hammered'."  
  
Dean could’ve chuckled of Cas's speaking, if his mind wasn't aware of his confession:  
  
“I deliberated about that, I… Before, I must say. More than one time.”

“What?! That you wanna kiss me?!”  - shout between a uncertain smile, almost begging for a negative answer from Cas.  
  
“Yes Dean, exactly.”  
  
Paralyzed, the hunter teeth grit as a chill spread right up his spine. Oh, hell! It was lost, all of it. There was no way he could correspond to Cas’s feelings. Impossible! And at the same time... At the same time he didn’t wanna be a reason to upset Castiel, to cause sorrow for the ex-angel; his friend, a person so important in his life.  
  
“Nevertheless, do not worry.”  
  
Blinking twice, Dean woke up from the lethargy, frowning:  
  
“What do you mean Cas?”  
  
Castiel rise his eyes meeting Dean’s and then, after few seconds of silence, he stretched his lips with a dispirited face:  
  
“We’re friends. You positionated yourself distinctively, twice.” – he grinned at himself – “I’ve… Grab it. Is that how you say it?”  
  
“Catch.” – Dean correct.  
  
“Oh! Right. I’ve cath it.”  
  
Frustrated against Cas’s extensive monologue – the ex-angel always talked too much – Dean tried to detour the situation, in the best way he could manage:  
  
“Cas, dude, look what ya saying.” – started, taking a deep breath, not believing what was about to come out from his mouth – “Do you like men? Haven’t you slept with women before?”  
  
“Yes. And I felt it pleasant… The women.” - answered, sincere, despite a small portion of embarrassment in his cheeks.  
  
“Then how can you say that. You know… That you like me?! You’re confused!”  
  
“Never afore in my existence I was so sure of something, Dean. Even when I was an angel.”  
  
“Dude, I told you, we’re friends! Nothing more!”  
  
“Yes, and therefore I won’t persist on this topic. I do not desire to cause you nuisance. I will… ‘Respect your personal space’.”  
  
Choking, Dean snap his tongue not liking the way Castiel distorted his own words:  
  
“What I mean Cas, is that you need to find… Someone who likes you that way." - he waved towards Cas, feeling uneasy in this conversation - "A dude or a chick, dunno! Man! This talk is fucking hard! Find someone this important to you Cas!”  
  
“I already have you Dean.”  
  
The hunter stopped again, distending his green spheres. The air seemed thicker, failing his lungs and even if he tried, he couldn’t breathe. Castiel just avoided his glare releasing Dean from his vision. Staring at the grimy floor, finally saying:  
  
“I do not say it to oppress you. Just cognize: I’ve dedicated an impressive amount of time casing under a inner conflict. I was a naive angel, versed in nothing about human feelings, and suddenly, I grow fond of a mortal!” – shouted, returning to his calm and rough timbre seconds later – “I choose you over heaven Dean, and it was when I finally realized. I understood once and for all the reason.”  
  
“Cas...”  
  
“Because I...Fell for my protected one.”        
  
Dean’s feet seemed to float without a floor, without sustain. A taciturn wind seized him destroying all of the relationship with Castiel. It was impossible to match Cas's feelings. He couldn’t, he didn’t felt this way, he didn’t liked men! Impossible… Ducking his head, Dean crossed his arms trying to avoid Castiel glare. Then he turned around going to the door, kicking a chair on his way.  
  
“It’s alright Dean.”  
  
Cas made him stop with a hand on the pommel, however he remained quiet, staring the wooden door:  
  
“It was my fault. There is no oblige for you to accept anything. I merely wanted you to comprehend. Also, understand that I won’t importunate you anymore. I still cherish our friendship; and I will follow your advice in pursue someone who likes me in that way. After all, it’s what humans do, right?” – concluded, smiling.  
  
Bu Dean just grunted parting the room, leaving Castiel there, alone. He needed to divert, put his head on place!  
  
Needed to talk to Sam. It was all too much for Dean to handle alone.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then, Dean is blasted! hahaha!
> 
> Now I have more time to translate, so I hope before the end of the year i'll post all 15 chapters in here =p
> 
> And... The others after I write them! hahaha
> 
> yes... This will be a long fic. Not that I wanted it, just happened!
> 
> Okay, see you guys soon!
> 
> Coments? =X


	5. What brothers are for

  
  
Emerged in books, the youngest Winchester didn’t notice the cellphone vibrating inside his pocket. Only after the fourth call he answered in the bathroom:  
  
“What’s the matter Dean? Found something?”  
  
“No, I just…” - Stopped not knowing how to begin.  
  
“Dean what happened?”  
  
“Just meet me at yesterday bar Sam, I’m going there.”  
  
Agreeing, he dropped the research halfway. Whatever it is Dean sounded really unsettled and Sam knew it took a lot to do this with his brother. Speeding as fast as he could, he made it to the bar, sitting on a chair in front of Dean. He was drinking in the morning – another not good sign.  
  
“Any results at the library?” – asked Dean, so he could start the talking.  
  
“Nothing. You?”  
  
“Zero.”  
  
“Then what happened?” – queried, seeing his brother frowning – “Dean?”  
  
Snorting, the brown-haired man bashed the glass on the table almost breaking it. How to explain, how he was supposed to discuss something like this with Sam? Maybe it was a bad idea. It would be better forget all at once. But still he knew it was impossible purely pass through this out of the blue. And Sam, well, they’d promised each other not to lie again, right? Also… So much laid down unanswered – so many things Dean kept a secret... Taking a deep breathe Dean used all his inner courage to narrate the whole story since the junkyard. Sam heard everything soundlessly, just expressing the common surprised aspect.  
  
Half hour later, Dean lightens his limbs as if they’re made of silk, waiting for his brother consideration. Sam rubbed his hands over the table looking to nowhere, words failing him. With a loud breathe, he stared at Dean:  
  
“Well, he said so himself he was going to put things apart, Dean.”  
  
“Sam that’s not the point.” – replied angry – “How am I going to work with the guy, looking at his face every freaking day knowing…”  
  
Clogged in a whiff, scrubbing a hand through his face. His attention drifted from his younger sibling to the few people at the bar. Sam remained quiet knowing his brother could use some time and his own space. Whatever it was, Dean will surpass. 

Nevertheless there was something odd. Dean was unsettled, but Sam couldn’t see any small drop of disappointment in his brother. For a moment it looked more an skepticism, as if he was unable to believe in Cas’s feelings. As if it was impossible that the former angel liked Dean in that way. Cleaning his throat, Sam got Dean’s attention, considering very carefully the words before initiating a panic attack in his brother:  
  
“Dean, when Cas told you this what did, you know, thought?”  
  
“What’d ya mean ‘what I thought?’” – countered, folding his forehead – “That he got mental, confused, dunnow!”  
  
“I get that, but what I mean…”  
  
“Mean what Sammy?!” – he spit the question in a hoarse tone, getting impatient towards Sam’s delaying and his disquietude.  
  
Adjusting his hair behind an ear, Sam gazed Dean. Breathing, he puked out the sentence, not allowing spaces for pauses:  
  
“Just appeared to me that you are more cynic than angry. Like, the fact that Cas likes you was something impossible to happen. But at the same time doesn’t make you unhappy.”  
  
“The fuck you talking ‘bout Sammy?!” – ramped, hitting his palm on the table.  
  
Sam exalted for a brief second, retreating his body, but remained firm in the chair:  
  
“Just saying what I notice Dean, nothing else.”  
  
“Notice a shit, stop talking crap!”  
  
“Dean! Listen to me!”  
  
Sam called, but Dean throw a few cash over the table getting up. Sam followed him trying to avoid an scandal in the middle of the street, yet Dean made things so much difficult.  He knew how his brother hatted talking sentimental, even more when it was such a complicated relationship between him and Castiel.  
  
“Dean!” – yelled, holding his arm forcing him to turn around.  
  
“You wanna get punched Sammy?” – said, voice ironic, closing his fist.  
  
“Look. You wanted my opinion and I gave it. Now stop acting like the alpha male and listen to me: Cas might be a little mistaken after he became human, but I think you’re too.”  
  
“Me?! You son of-”  
  
“Let me finish!” – he ruptured –“You spend too much time hidden in hunting world and lock yourself from people around you. You did this to me, with Bobby, God, even with Liza!”  
  
Pulling abruptly his arm, Dean pushed Sam against a wall making him cough due the impact. Shoving a finger at his face, Dean made sure he looked as pissed as he felt in his guts:  
  
“Don’t ever talk ‘bout Liza. You have no right.”  
  
“Okay, got it, sorry.” – replied – “But it’s what I think Dean; it’s what I see when you’re close to Cas and when he’s close to you, like, if there’s something not said between you too and-”  
  
“Enough! I just wanted to put things out, not hear you shit through your mouth. Get back to the research and forget this talk!”  
  
Sam snapped his tongue unconsoled, but chooses to finish the fight. People were looking at them with a double check. Dean backed off a few steps sticking his hands at the jacket pockets:  
  
“Gonna walk around and see what I find Sam. Do something useful as well.”  
  
The younger accorded heading back to the library, just asking Dean to call if anything showed up. He didn’t reply, getting inside the impala and heading off the small town, emerging in his own contemplations - with Sam’s words floating in his mind. Squeezing his fingers over the steering wheel leather, he drove to the highway, needing to unwind, and the best way would be in a slight drive.  
  
To the city limits he went, visiting again the arborized zone. Earlier, Sam and Castiel were with him, enjoying the bland weather, engaged in a talk deprived of any sense, but that made the three laugh for nothing. For so long it was only him; Dean looking after his father until patching things up with Sammy. They went through so much shit and mistakes, more than he could remember. Got mixed up in trouble for Sam, always saving his life and in the end, by leaps and bounds, both were still there, one for another. Then Cas came along, beginning to fit in the same scenario. It didn’t felt like this many years had passed since the day apocalypse became a reality in his life. Dean remembered perfectly how he met Castiel, the disbelief when he attested being an angel, and how much he questioned why he was saved, why he was so important in the, oh, so important plans of the magnificent God. Cas used to say he quite didn’t understand either. Deep inside, the angel only knew one thing: he believed in the word of the Lord, and even more he believed in Dean.  
  
Castiel was always capable of seeing deep into the hunter, in his most intimate place, proving Dean's good will. Those blue eyes perused his soul, seeing him uncovered with all his flaws and qualities – which Dean for long alleged didn’t existed. He was cursed, he thought, damned to an embittered life. Even if Sam or Bobby told him the opposite he never convinced himself. The only ought was to work and help as many people as he could. For he knew better than others what a life full of supernatural shit can do. It breaks you in millions of trifling shards. Dean wouldn’t allow this kind of destiny spread and destroy families – how it happened to his.  
  
Even so, every time he viewed himself in the mirror he only saw hopelessness. It was when he met Castiel, and only then, that a little bit of his skepticism submits. Castiel was one of a few that continuously believing in Dean, even when he was sank down into a well, lost and forsaken. An angel, with a mission to save him; he, this wiry broken hunter.   
  
Angels were... A bunch of know-it-all-douchebags, worse than many others demons. All but Castiel. He tripped, yes, sometimes, but Sammy tilted to the enemy side too and came back. The angel did the same, blaming himself so much, trying to fix his faults and sins, promising to redeem himself to Dean.

  
When the Leviathans took over Cas, he thought he would never see the angel again, keeping his trenchcoat like a memory of the ‘lost soldier’, of his friend. And how happy he got to encounter him again! Cas was his wingman. Sammy would be his little brother for the rest of his life, but Castiel conquered his trust beyond blood tie.  
  
He liked Castiel. It was the angel who helped them in all this mess, that chooses to save Dean going against superior orders, always, always intercepting on his behalf. The hunter felt sadness seeing Cas difficult choices, but also an odd bliss came along; because the angel had chosen him, because he was worthy a shit in the eyes of his friend.  
  
Blinking quickly his eyes, Dean scolded his thoughts, hitting his palm against the steering wheel, swearing. Speeding up the car he yearned to get rid of this tight disturbance in his chest, muddling his head.  
  
In a click he remembered. It was in a road like this, while driving, that he had sights of Cas figure wandering, right after accepting his death. He saw him everywhere, all the time, thinking he got mad. And the relief when he found him alive was... Immeasurable! He missed Castiel, the silly way he lost himself in his jokes - not understanding them - his sincere aid, his altruism, the fact he never lost hope and was capable of  renew the ones in Dean. It seemed that Dean wanted to tell the angel those things all the time, reassuring the importance of Cas in his life. However, even thinking ‘bout it, Dean would never let himself swept away by emotions.  
  
And that’s when Sam’s voice stick in his head, again and again, the same sentence, like a prayer: _‘it’s what I see when you’re close to Cas and when he’s close to you, like, if there’s something not said between you too.’_  
  
Widening his globes, Dean woke from the trance. Breaking the car after noting how fast he was, he skidded in the wet asphalt, caused by a middle day rain. The impala left the road, going to a dirt sideway, locking the wheels in the mud before thumping in the trees in front of him. Astonished, Dean groaned, throwing his head back - nape reclined in the bench. Letting go one hand from the steering wheel, he rubbed his face eying the impala leather roof. Sam voice broke out in repeated sentences, echoing in his mind non-stopping: _‘the fact that Cas likes you was something impossible to happen. But at the same time doesn’t make you unhappy.’_  
  
Unhappy? No, far from that. It didn’t even went through his head to get depressed. It was more like… A moment too unreal. Castiel barely knew what he was talking about in the junkyard. He confessed to Dean without realizing it. Then, at the bar, came the confusion, blamed on the drinking; and the so well received punch at the house – ah! Dean still regret terribly the punch. But then, in the motel room, things became tangible to Dean for the first time.  
  
Cas likes him; more than he should, more than friendship barriers allow. And even if Castiel were a naïve person, he would never be misguided about this. Taking a deep breath, the brown-haired hunter covered his face with both hands hiding himself in this small shadow: _‘Cas might be a little mistaken after he became human, but I think you’re too.’_  
  
“Dammit!”  
  
Roared, hitting his fist against the steering wheel. Dammit! Why Sammy had to be so direct?! Talking bullshit. Dean just wanted to unburden, that’s all! Nice crap of a brother Sam was! Shit! Shit! Shit!  
  
The weather went colder suddenly and Dean decided to leave the road as fast as he could. Enough self-pity, there’s no time for this kind of thing. He needed to solve the case before somebody else died: _‘You spend too much time hidden in hunting world and lock yourself from people around you.’_  
  
Dean grunted an angry yell, not wanting to hear Sam bitch-voice anymore, stepping deep in the reverse, heading back to town - hating his damn brain insistence on reflections ‘bout what his brother said. He couldn’t let himself get lost over it, he shouldn’t. 

Everything was gradually changing, and Dean could not accept this. He inhaled deep again securing his eyes in the asphalt. He might better find some clue for the case, or he would end up drowning in his own dilemma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean is in a dilema! Sooo good! hahaha
> 
> I'll start the next chapter nowww! Might post it today ;)
> 
> kisses!


	6. A break for the hunt

 

In the way back two things caught Dean’s attention. The first was the farm extension going towards town. It covered almost the entire perimeter, even invading some of the modern urban constructions, appearing to aggregate with it among extensive tree roots. The second thing was the small entrance covered by branches in the middle of the road. After some time looking at a computer and the frustration in the mysterious house, they had a truly chance do understand better what happens in the region.  

Parking his car in the motel, Dean went to the room stopping a hand in the air centimeters away from touching the pommel. Castiel could’ve be there alone, and entering in the bedroom after talking to Sam made him a little apprehensive. Winging his head getting rid of this torpor, he ducked in at once. That was beyond childish behavior. For his relieve Sam was there with the computer glued to his face, while Cas read a few books retrieved from the library:

“Were you’ve been?” – Sam asked staring his brother with an uneasy glare.

“Looking for cues and I think I got something.”

Castiel and Sam got interesting about Dean’s findings, the hunting work speaking louder than any personal issue. They arranged the materials before leaving to the farm pronto.

At the passage Dean spotted early they start arming themselves. The same things as before: salt, holy water, crosses, amulets and an exorcism book, just in case. Sam thought better to bring the statue found in the house, for maybe it could be useful. They advanced, at last. Dean stood ahead followed by his brother and Cas. The former angel still had a lack of experience in hunting so it was better for him to protect their back than going straight to danger.    

At the tombstone silent night, lights at the farm ignited in lamp posts. According to the ritual it was needed a place near dirt and night light were the altar should be raised, thus offered one organ from each victim to the entity: a stomach representing hunger before the harvest, the skin as the flesh sacrifice, lungs and the air who nourishment, an uterus as the crib of creation, one phallus that seed life and for last the heart responsible for feeding the body with blood. While Castiel read the references shivers run thru the trio just by imagining each item exposed in an altar – especially at the fifth relative to a masculine part that, let’s say, the three would really miss.

Despite the light pole spread in the plantation, one area of soft dirty led to a barn emerged in darkness. Bingo! It was there logically. Progressing slowly with guns at hand they sneaked at the shadows until reaching the old red wood construction. The front gate was locked with a huge chain, forcing them to open it up. Castiel surrounded the walls finding one axe reclined on a wood stub, handing it to Sam, who manages to smash the lock while Dean and Cas guarded him.

First level there was fuul of hay, grubbers, a strong smell of dung and a few pigs complaining about the noise the hunters made. Despite that nothing abnormal; but Cas’s coldness. Dean had notice how much the dark-haired man was downcast, even before their talking at the motel. He was avoiding him, not walking around Dean or directing his glare – like he used to – and the hunter realized how pissed Cas was.

It troubled him mainly, when he noticed the miss over that small liaison with Castiel. He huffed while leading upstairs to the second floor. It was a hunt, no time for inner crisis, especially keeping questioning why Cas’s distance caused such disconfort – even more: why did Dean was craving to be near Castiel.

Whilst, Sam and Cas analyzed the shelters dispersed in the four corners of the barn, Dean grew unfocussed searching for clues, and soon they appeared:

“Over here!”

Called, shutting down his brain from the last thoughts, and soon both were standing at his side, covering his noses due to the filthy smell exhaled from the decomposing body ingrained in the hay pile:

“I’d say its five days.” – stated with a disgusting grimace.

“Dates the last victim.” – finished Sam.

“If this body is here the others must be too.” - concluded Sam.

Castiel searched around the second floor looking for corpses, getting exited – in a morbid way – when he found it. Each had the chests opened with a vertical cut in the neck dawning down to the lower belly. Its inner was searched thoroughly when they notice the lack of a few organs, and an unknown symbol was slashed in the skin at the chest left side.

“Okay, we’re in the right track.” – confirmed Sam – “But where’s the altar?”

In unison the three turned around after hearing the barn door crack. They spread hiding the best they could, but whoever was down there knew about their presence:

“You’re not welcome here hunters!”

A feminine voice burst. The woman was carrying a shotgun.

“Show yourself! Or we go after you!”

Sam stared at his brother sighing with his hands. He understood the code, knowing that a strategic exit was the best option, even more when other people came behind the woman:

“They must be gone by now.” – said a man with grey hair and a small belly under a blue button shirt.

“I doubt it. I just locked the barn Rick, and the chain is broken.”

“Who are they?!” – a third younger person, a boy with black hair and eyes with jovial smooth figure appeared, speaking nervously, sounding alarmed.

“Hunters, son. You’ll would learn about them sooner or latter.” – the woman answered.

“Will they disturb us?” – asked in a shaken voice.

The older man put down his gun raising his head. Eyes narrowing at the second floor analyzing every suspect inch of the familiar barn, but he found nothing.

“If they are smart, they’ll leave the city now. Common, we’re running out of time.”

He said, calling his wife and kid, parting the barn. An annoying silence came back among the hunters, leaving the trio wonder if it was safe to go.

“What we gonna do?” – queried Sam in a whisper.

“We must acknowledge who they are.” – attested Castiel.

“First let’s leave.” – Dean boost up the hay slowly – “The bodies are here, but it’s not where the ritual happens. They just spawn the carcass.”

“I think they feed the pigs with it.”

Castiel frowned his brow in disgust after Sam statement.

“Anyway, let’s go.”

“How do we know if they are not expecting us Dean?”

“It’s a risk Sammy. But we don’t have better options.”

Sam and Castiel acquiesced. Staying in the farm, only waiting for the morning, would be stupid. Moreover, the now farm owners knew about the hunters, however they seemed not acquaintance with their identities – or the motel room at this point would’ve already become their grave.

Taking the lead – as always – Dean went downstairs. Through a door hole he peeked outside only seeing the still blinding lights of the poles, with cicada sounds in the background. In a jump the hunters ran out of the farm quickly. Nobody followed their steps, and that was odd, making they stood halfway.

“They just threatened us.” – spoke Sam – “Why? They could’ve killed us!”

“Perhaps…” – Castiel interrupted in wonder – “Perhaps they have the fifth sacrifice.”

“If yes, then we’ll go back.” – concluded Dean not hearing complains. They know it had to be done, even if it was dangerous.

As the problem involved humans, mostly, they preferred to not carry mortal weapons. Salt bullets would manage to stop then, if necessary. The trio risked going to the big house near the barn. If those people lived there, then most likely the altar would be inside. With caution, they went to the back door. Sam grabbed the pommel, but before opening it he listened a hinge crack. The boy with black hair stared at then with fear in his eyes hiding clumsily a piece of paper in his pocket, trying to drag a small dagger from his waist. Sam didn’t even needed to fight – he was bigger and stronger,holding the boy's hands behind him:

“L-let me go!” – yelled shattering the words in his mouth.

“Be quiet.”  

Dean threatened, gluing the shotgun in his chin. The boy's chest went up and down in a nervous motion, and a small portion of tears started to emerge on the corner of his eyes. The teenager could only predicted his death. Sensitized by his fear, Castiel reached the shotgun making Dean lower it. The brown-haired man did it, uneasy, observing Cas’s actions:

“We won’t hurt you, we just seek answers.”

The boy pressed his eyelids wanting to get away from Castiel figure, but then his hand held his insecure fingers, making the boy unable to ignore the strong presence of the former angel. Obliging his body to calm down and, at least, he opened both eyes, staring Castiel – he as his blue globes emerged in a serene face. The teenager stopped fighting right away, and Dean’s eyebrow arced uncomfortable with the approximation between Cas and the boy.

“I don’t wanna die...” – whined as Sam let go of his mouth.

“We just want answers.” – Cas repeated.

“No… You don’t understand…”

Said, getting nervous again. Gun shots echoed within the house, and the hunters dispersed at the backyard.

“You have to leave!” – the boy warned them.

“Come with us!” – Castiel held his hand up. It was visible the boy’s fear, as if something really mischievous was going to happen.

“They’d kill me.” – he murmur chocking a cry.

After that he turned around back in the house. The blonde woman showed up holding a shotgun, pulling the collar of the teenager shirt:

“Were are they?!” – shouted pushing the boy against the door.

“I don’t know! I don’t know!”

He covered his face waiting for a ‘slap’, but instead he got threw on the floor, being held up by the grey-haired man:

“Stop it Tania, we have to finish…”

“I know Rick, I know! But the hunters…”

“They’re harmless. Common.”

Huffing, the woman went inside the kitchen. The boy followed them rubbing his wet eyes, giving a small look behind him before closing the door.

“Hurry up Louis!”

Tania called, turning her back, without noticing the smashed paper Louis took from his pocket, leaving it fall on the ground. In silence again Dean step forward on the door side. There was nothing in the kitchen, just lights on. Strange. Why did they retrieved again?

“We’re going in or what?” – Sam asked grabbing the pommel.

“Wait Sammy, something’s wrong…”

At that Sam’s arm was compelled behind him, being twisted by an invisible force. He fell on his knees, holding his elbow strongly as Dean held him up. While they helped each other, Castiel took the piece of paper analyzing a spell formula described in it.

“Dean, Sam, it’s a protection spell. The boy must’ve be preparing it when he left the house and found us.”

“He left it there on purpose?” – queried Sam in a pained hiss.

“I believe so.”

“So what?! We can’t get in the house?!” – Dean snorted putting Sam on his feet – “And what do we do?!”

Examining the symbols and words labeled in the paper, Castiel recognized most of it, managing to form a way to get through the barrier.

“Give me cover, I’ll find a way.”

Cutting his palm Castiel started drawings on the wall. Apparently the house only repelled invaders from the outside. If he was right a few enochian sigils would solve the problem. He Inscribed each one of them as fast as he could on the front door, reciting some of the words. Even without his grace the knowledge of the language was enough to break the spell. And that was what happened. A weak white light appeared under the door cracking in a short blow. Castiel pushed it without being compelled, entering the kitchen slowly. Dean and Sam followed him searching the place.  

“They must be hidden...”

Sam attested, but, for his surprise, the whole family was reunited in the center of a huge lounge. They only had time to see a table in front of a fire, with a red fabric over it. A young man covered in blood waist down laid on it, and Tania was sided with the altar singing in a strange language. Rick, beside her, hold a golden table filled with distort pieces of… Human flesh. Candles and other symbols spread through the place. The boy, Louis, widened his eyes after seeing them. It seemed he was crying in a corner far away from the grotesque scene of sacrifice.

Impulsively, Dean shot against the old man. The salt bullet hit his shoulder throwing him at the wall, losing the golden table. Tania opened her eyes surprised, stopping to recite what it looked like the enchantment.  

“Don't stop!”

Ordered Rick raising a pistol at the hunters, firing it. The bullets ricocheted at the kitchen door frame without hitting them, as Tania went back to singing.

“Dean, I’ll go to the other side!”

Sam warned grabbing his shotgun heading to the other entrance towards the lounge. Castiel followed him, crouched, leaving the gunfire to Dean and Sam. 

“Louis, do something!” – barked Rick in a crisped tone.

The boy grunted, displeased in taking a gun, aiming at Sam’s direction, and he needed to be fast in hiding behind the sofa. At the other kitchen passage, giving access to the lounge, Dean shot again, this time hitting the woman. She screamed in pain with the burning salt shattering on her skin, almost falling, however she stood still, singing one more time.

“Louis!”

Rick yelled. The boy left the cry emerge while lifting himself from the floor. In two steps he was in the kitchen, but before going any further he stagnated with Castiel presence staring at him:

“You don’t have to do this.” – said the dark-haired man, empathic with Louis suffering.

“I-I have to…” – stutter, with the gun trembling in hands.

He aimed Cas’s chest, however he stood still.

“We can help you Louis.”

“Shut up! Don’t tell my boy…”

“Tania! Back to singing!”

Rick ordered her, shooting at Sam. The capsules crossed the armchair without, luckily, hitting the younger Winchester. In the middle of the gunfire Dean handled to hit Tania, who staggered. Sam at the same time went forward at the old man hustling his huge body against him. Louis remained in the middle of the room not knowing what to do.

“It’s over, put it down.” – Castiel asked slightly touching the boy’s hand.

Crying, he did it, facing the former angel eyes:

“You have to leave… She’s here.”

Those were his last words before the windows exploded. Everything happened so fast that Dean nearly had time to think straight, only seeing Castiel in his eyesight. Cas was near the glass and would end up hurt if he stood there and Dean, since the day he saw his vulnerable condition now in human form – the constant chases of the angels, or the day he needed to save him from Aprill – he thought it was unbearable the simple hypothesis of his friend getting hurt, and so his body was driven by its own will in his direction.

Only seeing the distance between them, the damn distance that was bothering him!

He held Castiel’s arm taking him to the floor. They anchored in a kitchen corner while windows still crack and shatter, exploding one by one. Grabbing Dean’s shoulder, Castiel hide his face in the hunter’s chest, listening the fanfare of glass breaking at the living room. When things calmed down, Dean held one of Cas’s arms while his other hand somehow slide to his shoulder, girding in a grip his torso. The former angel dragged his face through Dean’s collarbone until they stared face to face – small inches putting they apart and the dark-haired man’s breath warmed the hunter cheeks.

In that infamous space between them, Dean froze with an glare fixed in Cas’s lips. So close and moist...

“Dean?! Cas?!”

Sam called and in a abrupt movement Dean backed off from the smaller one, felling dizzy. What was he thinking? It wasn’t time for this kind of thing. Wait… He shouldn’t even think about that!

What the hell he was doing?!

“We’re fine Sam.” – was all he said reaching his brother, seeing a few scratches along his arms – “And you?”

“I’ll live.”

Castiel helped Louis up when he noticed a sudden heat change. The boy seemed to feel the same, becoming nervous. Behind the altar a laugh came along, prolonged and sharp, while Tania got up with a bloody face:

“We did it… Finished just in time…” – the woman spoke.

Among the hunters and Louis the entity appeared. It solidified from a dense smoke into a physic presence, better defined, as if the ritual gave her more strength. Sam shoot and the bullets popped on her skin without causing any harm.

Rising one of his hands she pushed Sam with a kind of telekinesis energy. Then turned back at Castiel, but Louis stood in front of him and, for a second, the creature hissed backing off.

“I’m from the family, she can’t hurt me!” – the boy talked – “Now leave!”

Dean took hold of Castiel’s elbow going backwards. Sam dragged himself against the wall following the same path. The creature steeped further a few times, but Louis interceded, forcing it to retreat. When they got outside the entity disappeared frustrated returning to the living room, where she should consume the victim organ offered. When they got rid of her, Tania and Rick, the boy arched his torso feeling heavy.

“My mother’s gonna kill me…” – trembled, wanting to cry again.

Castiel only realized Dean’s grip on his arm when he steeped further. He slightly touched the hunter’s hand to let it go, making him embarrassed for the extreme protection dedicated to the former angel. Castiel got closer to Louis putting one hand on his back – without noticing how the small act burned Dean’s face in a feeling strange to the hunter. What the hell was happening to him?!

“We have to go.” – said Sam – “The entity is stronger and we must find a way to kill this thing; we can’t do nothing today now.”

They agreed while Louis tried to recover his breath.

“Louis; your name is Louis right?” – Cas asked.

He shake his head affirmatively fixing his body:

“My name is Castiel. We came here to aid therefore, please, come with us. We can protect you.”

“Cas he’s one of them.” – Dean interrupted, thinking the idea of the boy coming along unnecessary.

“I don’t want to be like them.” – Louis admitted, facing Castiel.

“Help us then, and let’s end this once and for all.”

For a long moment, Louis stagnated hovering Castiel’s words and even more his bright eyes, transmitting such a security sensation. And, well, the dark-haired really caught attention for many details, like the shape of his well draw face, the incoherence and innocent looks and his shaggy hair that fit him so well. Louis was emerged in this quick thinking while staring at him.

Snapping his neck Dean felt uneasy towards the scene with the intense glares exchanges between Castiel and the boy, thinking better to step in:

“Look if you wanna help decide it now.”

Louis turned his attention to Dean, wondering the hunter proposal and, at least, resolved he was tired of his family and all this craziness:

“Okay, I’ll go with you.”

He said, walking along side with Castiel – shoulder to shoulder. Dean huffed repressing a strange will to put himself between them, cutting this proximity. Scratching his nose tip he shaked his head a little, Dean’s wonders were popping fast in his head without restrains – not able to define this anger swirl sprouting after seeing the two like this; Louis grabbed to Castiel’s arm while the former angel just let it.

Sam nothing said, observing his brother troubled features – yep, it was exactly what the younger Winchester were imagining, however he never dared to touch the subject or Dean would probably panic. But Sam also thought it was time his brother ended this mummery. Dean was the only one who didn't notice what even his enemies had seen.

Sighing, Sam got amused with the way Dean masked his worries and at the same time his childish manners revealed more of him than the hunter thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, when I said i was going to post a new chapter soon... I was a lying piece of shit! And I'm sorry for taking so long, but I'm finishing College, writing my final paper and stuff, so I don't get much time to translate it. Sorry for that. I'm gonna try to do it, though, and I hope you guys be patient with me. 
> 
> Now, now, Dean and jealousy.  
> Sam is like, a freaking shipper for Destiel xD
> 
> Kissesu guys! I hope to see you soon! (Seriously, I really hope o_o)


	7. If more than one say so, it must be true

 

At night, too tired for any arguing, the hunters decided to sleep, renting a room near theirs for Louis. The boy got a little insecure, but in the end gave up. Eight ‘o clock next morning the trio was ready to hear the boy’s story while eating a simple breakfast:

“My family is descending from the originals owners of these lands, from the beginning of colonization.” – he narrated taking a sip from his coffee – “We have many realty along town, like the house at sale you visited.”

The three frowned with memories of the damn house, and how they felt like fried chicken in an oven.

“I grew up hearing stories about how noble and strong our blood is; that we owe everything to the harvest spirit who give us wealthy, luck and good materials. For centuries we do the same thing, after sixty six years, feeding the entity. My mother says its tradition, that every member of the family must participated…. This was my initiation year.”

“So, the last ritual was held sixty years ago?” – queried Sam.

“Yes.”

“Okay, it’s Always the same thing? I mean, cutting peoples meat for barbecue?” – Dean asked with no boundaries.

“Well… That’s it.”

“How the victims are picked?” – Sam continued noticing the boy discomfort.

“Randomly. Can be someone young, old, it doesn’t have a patter. But my family always thinks about the best for the city, about people that could disappear avoiding future problems.”

“And why you don’t wanna be part of their small club?” – asked Dean.

“You’re kidding?” – shouted, widening his eyes – “This is insane! It’s murder! I never agreed with it. But my mother… She always was persuasive.”

“How?”

“Threatening my school friends, threatening me!” – shouted nervous – “She wants, she have it. And she’ll do everything to keep the ‘tradition’ alive.”

The phrase appeared to die alongside the boy. Castiel touched his shoulder. slightly smiling, whereas Dean snapped his neck, hands tingling to take off Cas’s arm from there. And the brown-haired man didn’t had the slightest idea of the reasons leaning him to this.

“Anyway” – interrupted Sam after feeling the room’s tension – “We have to figure who will be the next victim and destroy the entity.”

“I don’t know if there’s a way, she’s ancient.” – stated Louis.

“We’ve dealed with ancient beings before, believe, we can help.”

The former angel comforted him, and Louis’s lips spread in a shy smile remaining focused on Castiel glare. Dean coughed piercing his hands on the jacket pocket before they started to act without his will.

“To the library Sam.” – he said – “Cas, you and I gonna grab some stuff to kill this thing.”

“Wait! I don’t want to be alone.” – Louis lowered his shoulders in a defeat motion.

“Dean we have to protect Louis. If his family comes back they might kill him.”

With a deep breath the hunter controlled his disquietude agreeing with Castiel. The three went together to the impala then, collecting everything they might need, spending the morning stuffing salt in bullets, cleaning guns, enchanting amulets and blessing water. Louis looked at the equipment fascinated, but mostly because of Castiel. The dark-haired did everything with a deft delicacy, too serenity focused on the work to realize the boy’s admiration. Yet Dean had, twisting his lips, annoyed.

It bothered him seeing Castiel act in such a natural way towards the boy, when he was being fully ignored. And the worst was to know the former angel dedication to hold the world, and save everyone, without considering how this noble side of him made him… Vulnerable. Same thing happened to Aprill, and look where it got him? Almost dead. The thought of it still brought cold chills on Dean’s spine. And Louis, this boy, they couldn’t just go ahead and blindly trust him. Also he was practically eating Castiel with his eyes! Ridiculous.

In a snap, Dean perceived what was going on in his head, leading him to a small inner convulsion of panic. What was this constant discomfort possessing him? He didn’t felt like this when Castiel and Sammy stay alone or talk, so why Louis made him so uneasy?! Sighing with a scratch on his nape Dean wished to put an end to this bullshit:

“Cas I think you should help Sammy in the library.” – said, trying to look indifferent.

Arching one eyebrow, Castiel stared him tilting his neck sideways – with that muddled aspect:

“But the weapons still need to be prepared.”

“I can handle it. We need to find a way to kill this thing and you understand more of this shit than me.”

“Can I come with you Castiel?” – Louis probed.

“You stay in this room until second order.” – interrupted Dean – “You can’t walk around with a chance to be see.”

“But…”

“He’s right Louis.” – pondered Cas – “And I truly believe I’m capable of helping Sam, so stay here in safety.”

Louis made a grimace but didn’t argue.

“I’ll keep you informed Dean.”

The hunter agreed watching Cas leave the room. Now it was just him and the boy, much better. If Castiel remained so close to Louis… Oh! Shit! Why his mind insisted on thinking about it?! Snorting in anger, he sinks on the bed while an old show was on TV.

“Don’t you need to prepare the guns?” – asked the boy visibly dispirited after Castiel’s abrupt leave.

“’It’s almost all done kid, relax.” – replied opening a soda can.

“My name is Louis. And I’m not a kid. I’m seventeen.”

“Right.”

After ten minutes of awkward silence among repetitive TV shows the boy got bored. He wanted to get rid of his problems so much and Dean’s hush bothered him. But still he had notice the stiffness on the hunter shoulders while he talked to Castiel. Louis didn’t like it, ‘cause he had grown friendly with Cas, and Dean’s attitudes, if nothing better, told him there was something between the two of them. Inhaling some courage he turned to the hunter not measuring words:

“What’s your relationship with Castiel?”

Almost choking with the soda, Dean sat down on the bed not understanding the reason for the sudden question:

“Why you wanna know?!” – exclaimed, troubled.

“Don’t know.” – shrugged – “You two seem pretty close.”

“We’re friends, we know each other for a long time.”

“Just that?”

“’Course it’s just that! What else could it be kid?!”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to annoy you it’s just…” – stopped with a deep breath – “Back there you looked jealous.”

“Jealous?!... What the… Kid! Shut up, you know shit!”

Speedily getting up Dean grabbed his jacket, putting the keys on his pocket:

“Stay here kid. If I know you got out I’m gonna tie you up to this chair! Got it?!”

He just assented, feeling threatened by Dean’s strong presence. Slamming the door behind him, the hunter closed the lock and marched over the lunch machine. He wanted – needed – a pie.

Jealous, what the hell! Just because Castiel was treating him indifferently? Just because he got distant from him?! Just because he was corroding from the inside after seeing Cas so attentive towards Louis, when it was him the one Castiel used to worry about?!

Oh, well, basically yes.

He punched the machine sideways sensing the pain exploding through his bones. Cursing every swear possible, denying himself over and over again what Louis insinuated. He was talking shit, that’s right! Just like Sammy…

 

–----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

“Dean sent you here?” – Sam surprise in seeing Castiel at the library was nothing, as he imagined his brother acting like a child, kind of understanding his motives to cast the former angel away from Louis.

“I can help you find an exorcism ritual, or even a weapon to kill the entity.”

“Well, that’s true, you know a lot about this stuff.”

Pulling a chair, Castiel joined Sam starting the vast read of books picked up by Sam and spread over the table. However, although Sam knew the severity of the situation in hands, he worried about Dean and how he was dealing with all this pressure those last days – in what Sam believed was a big denying from his brother. Cleaning his throat, he heard the librarian asking for silence, and, in a low voice, says to Castiel:

“How are you Cas?”

Tilting his head he gazed Sam:

“I’m fine, thank you.”

He didn’t understand the subtext. Oh, what Sam was expecting? Sighing, he went direct to the point, or the two would spin around this wheel forever:

“I asked because…” – coughed – “Dean talked to me and, well, I just wanted to make sure.”

“Oh, he told you?”

Ducking his head, Castiel gloat the table with a small fluster. He barely became human and already hated the fact his emotions was so apparent on his looks:

“It was just… An wreak for Dean, don’t be mad.”

“I’m not. I know him well enough, he must be very unsettled.”

Sam agreed turning one book page:

“Maybe I’m a bit insistent, but will you really be okay with this?”

Castiel float his orbs through the library hall seeking an answer. No, he didn’t have one, ending up with a deep breath loose from his throat:

“Dean was very clear with me, Sam. And I was also sincere. Now we must carry on. And that’s it.”

Admired with Castiel’s deduction, Sam notice a small sadness disguised in the former angel voice, knowing that Cas wanted to cover the bitterness coiled in him, thinking it was better to end the conversation.

“It’ll be alright Cas.” – concluded.

Slightly smiling, both got back to the research and, a few pages later, something useful appeared in what could’ve be a way to kill the creature:

“The origin blood conveys the curse.” – Sam read out loud.

“The family blood. Perhaps Louis will be able to help us. Let’s meet him.”

“Won’t be necessary.”

Sam stated, pointing outside the window where the boy stood on the sidewalk.

 

–----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Three pies later Dean still contemplate the unutilized motel pool. He ate like that wherever he got pissed, or without ideas of what to do. Castiel’s sudden confession, the talk with Sam, the turmoil sensation growing from nowhere inside him just by seeing the kid; Louis, staring at Cas with those pleading eyes and…

“Fuck!” – exclaimed throwing the pie pack on the trash. He wanted another, but thought better to go check on the kid.

Jealous…Towards Cas?! Please! Never; ever; no fucking way! He didn’t care the former angel were distant since the discussion at the motel, he didn’t care about the constant worries Castiel had with Louis – something Cas used to give him, instead of a complete stranger! And, more than this, he didn’t care at all his blue eyes never hover at his green orbs like it usually did…

Dean kicked the trash can before heading to his room. He was acting in such a… Peculiar way. Huffing while grabbing the keys he turned the lock and stood on the door frame in front of an empty room.

“Son of a bitch!”

Almost yelled going after Louis. If he found him, ah! At least he would discount some of his frustration.

 

–----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Louis left the room through the window after realizing Dean wouldn’t come back so soon. And to be honest, he wanted to be near Castiel. They ended up in a diner far away from the downtown, where they could talk in peace:

“Dean is a little… Intimidating.” – admitted, amid coffee sips.

“Intimidating is the right word.” – agreed Sam.

“Louis we were in need to speak with you.”

The boy gave total attention to Castiel, after all, how could he resist those blue globes?

“Maybe there is a solution to end the ritual.”

Louis widened his eyes, shocked:

“Really?!”

“Well, we’re still studying it, but it seems that the blood from a heir can be used in a spell to cut down the connection with the entity.” – stated Sam.

“We just need to know if this spell is correct and everything will be over.”

Releasing a grasp breath, Louis arched his body, resting the forehead on one hand:

“I tried, searched for years! Since the day I knew what my family did. If… If I can end everything…”

“It will Louis.”

Castiel’s voice made him tranquil. It must be something on that hoarse, bland timbre; whatever. All Sam notice was how the boy gazed Castiel in such an admirer way. He couldn’t blame Dean for having an impulsive angry reaction. His brother was really dumb for not seeing how he cared about the former angel. Cleaning his throat, Sam touched Cas arm:

“Let’s go to the balcony grab more coffee.”

He agreed following him. Standing up beside the cashier, Sam scratched his nape. He needed to say something. Castiel appeared not aware about how much the boy was clingy to him. And if it continued like this Dean would’ve end doing some crazy stuff:

“Hey Cas.”

“Yes Sam?”

Twisting his lips – not knowing where to begin – Sam averted his eyes, contemplating the cups in front of them:

“I see that Louis is very… Fond of you.”

“He’s very grateful.” – he said – “He told me nobody before cared about him.”

Sam agreed turning his head towards Castiel:

“You know, you’re kind new in this hunting thing.” – sighed – “But sometimes the victims tend to… Become very stick to us, maybe ‘cause we try to save them, or they don’t have someone to talk to.”

“I have notice it on others hunts you and Dean done.”

“Well, there you go, so it’s better for you to be more careful around Louis.”

Castiel tilted his neck parting his mouth a little not understanding Sam’s suggestion. The hunter just huffed lowering his head:

“I mean, the boy is really close to you Cas, because of this mess with his family. And maybe he’s confusing things, so be careful, ‘cause he might want to say or do… Something.”

“But Louis seemed just grateful for our help.”

“Maybe yes, maybe not.” – Sam dragged his long hair behind his ear a little unsettle about the conversation – “But he may also have hopes Cas. So just talk him out already.”

“Oh, I understand. Okay Sam, thank you.”

Sam acquiesced heading back to the library, after all they had left the research halfway there, and he wanted to end this case for good. Moreover: Sam wanted to leave this town, for he felt a heavy air surrounding it. Other places provoked the same kind of chill, but this one in particular… Something in his guts was telling him that bad things were about to happen.

 

–----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

The lost feature in Louis as he looked at Castiel reached an extreme level. Even the former angel was able to note what Sam alerted him. The boy had no one outside his family to talk to, and Castiel’s presence ended up becoming all the comfort a traumatized boy needed.

Quickly drinking his coffee, Cas let the strong drink settle on his stomach taking a deep breath as he knew he had problems with human interaction – even more when dealing with a younger person:

“Louis I need to talk something serious with you.” – said at once.

“It’s about my parents?!” – exclaimed fearful, but Castiel shake his head negatively.

“It’s about the fact that you… Like me.”

Blushing a little, the boy lowered his shoulders becoming abashed. Castiel sighed comprehending now the boy’s intentions:

“Louis, I…”

“No, Castiel. I-I’m sorry. I know that you, Dean and Sam are just helping me because it’s your job. I just! I don’t know…” – he shrugged – “I’m a little lost.”

“It’s alright. I just want you to understand. I’m here to help, we are here to help. And… We’re… Friends.”

Louis accorded with his glare far away from the table, his black globes darting to the sidewalk outside the dinner. There was just one thing Louis notice earlier and he needed to be sure:

“Castiel, may I ask you a personal question?”

The former angel frowned intricate, but allowed him to keep going:

“I wanted to know if… Maybe… You like… Dean?”

Resting his back on the bench Castiel froze. It was so obvious? Even after the hunter repel at him? Okay… Perhaps it was Castiel who couldn’t accept this fact yet.

Sighing, Cas adjusted himself on the table. He let his orbs drift before staring Louis again. What harm would it be telling the boy?

“Dean and I are friends, Louis, but yes, I like him.”

The boy’s eyes almost weep. Castiel felt misplaced inside the situation. He was on the other side of the matter last time, so he knew very well how devastated the boy was:

“Louis...”

“It’s okay Castiel, really.”

The former angel tried to say something, but words went missed within his head. The empathy towards another feeling developed since his fall from heaven. Yet if he was still learning about his own humanity, dealing with others problems seemed even more complicated.

Everything he could do – or think of – was extending his hand over the wood table, touching slightly the boy’s fingers. Louis received his endearing, pressing faintly Castiel hand. Louis displayed a calm aspect, and his black eyes matching the dark thin hair made him look relaxed.

Castiel hand was warm and cozy. Louis smiled a little blasted away, lost inside the blue globes in front of him:

“Your eyes are beautiful.”

He said impulsively, and Castiel just stretched his lips accepting the compliment as something innocent:

“Thank you Louis. And believe me: it will cease, after a while.”

“Have you got over already?”

Locking his breath the former angel let out a rapid laugh. No, he hasn’t got over, and he didn’t know if it would happen anytime soon.

He held feelings for so long towards Dean that now, accepting the fact he confessed and was shut down right after, appeared to be the most difficult thing he ever done. Even if he was prepared to take an obvious ‘no’ from the hunter it was complicated for him - at least - to get over so swiftly.

Not realizing it Castiel compelled his hand with Louis’s receiving a gentle caress in response. Cas left gloomy eyes plunge over the table, the same as Louis. They comprehend each other; both filled with unrequited feelings:

“Thank you for comprehending Louis.” – Castiel spoke.

“No, no. Thank you for being honest with me Castiel. And mostly for all your help.”

Bygone the tension the two ‘broken hearts’ meet a small amount of time where they could mourn and find comfort in the other. With Louis knowing he had zero chances with Castiel, of with the former angel finally stricken away with an acceptance of his relationship with Dean. They were friends, and that’s all he could hope for with the hunter.

And it was okay; it was more he had before.

The talk on the table took another course, most of it about Louis life at the town, how his parents caused so much trouble and how he was forced to leave his friends. Castiel heard everything like a therapist or something, already letting go of Louis hand.

However he hadn’t done it before Dean glimpsed at the scene from the other side of the street, where he stood static, seeing the smiles Louis fling to Castiel, the friendly exchange of words and… The hands encounter over the table.

Dean just remained there, motionless, not knowing what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I likeLouis! Really! HE1s just a confused kid!
> 
> hahaha!
> 
> Kissus guys, see you soon!


	8. So far away

 

It was strange. He didn’t want; he had denied Castiel – twice - and their last discussion ended in the worst possible way ever. They barely talked, unless matters about the hunt. He was convinced, right about his choice. Then why it hurt do much see Castiel smiling like that to somebody else? Why rage inhaled his inners like poison? It was Dean who told Cas to be happy, find someone that made him feel good.

 _‘I already have you Dean.’_ Castiel replied with his confused features, and Dean just brushed the former angel hopes away. _‘Dude, I told you: we’re just friends. Nothing more.’_ And his sentence attacked Cas like a building falling over him. Dean was harsh, he knew. 

But Castiel too didn’t understand completely the origin of his attraction to Dean, neither if it was something more as he pondered. However, if he debated with himself, if he considered what he learned about humans and used his experiences, for example, the night he slept with a woman for the first time… Yes, he could picture him and Dean that way, hugging, bringing him to a tender kiss.

He wanted do kiss Dean? Yes, and not only kissing him, but indeed all the kinds of exchanges humans liked to do with touches, because Dean was his important person. Nevertheless, the hunter made it clear already.

Funny how he still saw himself in his ethereal form instead of the human cocoon he wear now. Still he remembered those mortal moral rules, and how complex they were. Not an angel anymore, but a man he was. And Dean didn’t like man.

Castiel might live with that. None was to blame. It was him who ‘fall into temptation’, in the best use of biblical terms. If he could stood beside Dean, helping, protecting, then he could maintain their friendship, being happy in his own way, having only the tiny bit of Dean – even if this never fulfill the emptiness taking over him.

He tried to forget these issues while in this town, where he had total attention from Louis. It was wrong getting close to the boy, after all, they saved his life and this gratitude was linked to it. But Cas only grieved with thoughts dedicated to Dean, being compelled to a strong selfish will to be together with Louis in moments like now, where he could forget the discussions with the hunter, erase this desire that consumed Cas everytime.

What the ex-angel didn’t perceive, especially without his grace, was Dean’s presence on the other side of the diner seeing it all, thinking how surreal this scene presented itself. It was really Castiel there, talking freely with the boy? Holding his hand? Where the awkward Cas who didn’t have people skills?

_‘I only feel this way when I’m with you, Dean.’_

Cas’s sentence stuck in his head like a glowing billboard. Was Castiel, like… Shy and stuff only around Dean? No, common! He need to focus, he was rambling too much over the situation. No way Castiel acted like a teenager girl on a crush towards Dean like this. He would’ve have notice. He thinks… Whatever!

If Cas wanted to spend time with the kid, fine! Well, Louis was only a boy! There was nothing between them. And Castiel would never consider the hypothesis of giving Louis hope. Still Dean got bothered with their proximity. But why?! What’s the reason?” Why? Why? Why?!

Because before all of Castiel attention was exclusive his.

No, no! Dean didn’t mind. Not so much... Maybe... Okay, he was a little grumpy, but… But it was good to see Cas forgetting about their fights, the conflicts and mischiefs. With all in the past, they could’ve be back being friends, ignoring the last turbulent days. Yes it was for the best that Castiel forget the crazy idea he liked Dean.

It was for the best he forgets Dean.

Huffing in frustration, Dean punched the air turning around. He needs a drink, a strong one.

When Castiel gazed upon the sidewalk Dean was already gone, and Cas sit there, finishing his coffee.

–----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

The last two weeks that Castiel worked with the Winchesters remained the same. The trio had fun – jesting and watching movies – or went to a hunt. When they had a break they looked for a place to drink until morning. Dean, Sam and Castiel. But that night, Sam stayed in the library and Castiel was still out there ‘saving a soul’ or something, babysitting Louis.

Dean, on the other hand, got drunk since the end of afternoon and tried to get luck with some girls at the motel. Two ended up finding each other on the hall, while heading to Dean’s bedroom. Offended with his lack of shame, they gave him a proper slap on the face, leaving right way. Dean had fun with it, thinking how much he liked girls– a lot. He didn’t care about guys. Not at all.

But he liked Castiel.

He cursed, frustrated for not being able to get some with those girls without thinking about Castiel, or the fact he wasn’t there. Why this loneness bothered Dean? He got used to the presence of Sam and Cas? No, it wasn’t that. Sam stayed out before and he handled very well. The problem was Castiel, and Dean missing how much the dark-haired stayed close, but now… Now since yesterday he dedicated his day hours to Louis only.

Putting his memory into work, despite the alcohol, Dean was able to connect the empty sensation in that room with another moments, in which he and the former-angel got separated for days. Angst; a lost feeling. He was able to discern those fragments. However there was something more, something he had ignored for a long time, but after what Cas said at the junkyard, a new kaleidoscope of ideas emerge - also, the the drinking was a hell of a help for awakening his hidden thoughts . He missed Castiel’s presence almost all the time, even in the same room and they couldn’t be near each other.

Dean spilled the rest of the beer in his throat, looking for more. Then he got back to his room throwing himself into bed, wanting to sleep and he did so. But still, images of Cas wandered his mind.

 

–----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Castiel arrived at the motel nine p.m., feeling easy. The day with Louis was great. He left the boy in the room besides his, receiving a strong goodbye hug:

“Thank you for everything Castiel.” – said close to his ear.

“You are a good boy Louis.”

“Please…” – he stepped back, blushing – “I’m seventeen, I’m not a child anymore.”

Although through the eyes of such an ancient being he was, but Castiel just nodded in agreement.

“Alright. You can call us if any distress appears.” – he turned but stopped, as his wrist was grabbed by the boy.

“Wait Castiel.” – his voice trembled.

The dark-haired stared at him confused. Mere feet’s away in the oher bedroom, where Dean rested, Castiel didn’t notice the noise coming from inside as the hunter dragged himself from the bed to the bathroom to wash his face. Regaining part of his senses Dean heard voices, frowning. He wandered to the door glueing his ear to it – not knowing the reason for the curiosity eating him up. The first to talk was Louis, and the hunter snapped his tongue - too tired of the kid:

“Castiel I…” – whispered.

“Yeas Louis?”

Gulping, Louis raised his face staring the ex-angel:

“Y-you and Dean have… I mean, you’re just friends? Really? Just friends?!”

The question was a little indiscrete, Dean thought, almost opening the door in a slam to confront the kid. But truth is – and he had no clue why – he wanted to hear Cas’s answer. Castiel also womdered about Louis inquires, after all, he already told him earlier, but he answered anyway:

“We… Yes. Only friends.”

Carried a conformity in his voice, Castiel felt for the first time an acceptance of what Dean kept saying the last days. His body weighted in a pain ache, but the facts must be recognized; that Dean would never see him in any different way.

Almost falling in the middle of the room, the hunter stepped away from the door getting wobbly, panting in a feeble breath. But why Cas’s sentence tighten his chest? Dean had told the very same thing to Louis, still why it seemed horrible listening it coming from Cas? The idea that his friend had just… Gave up on him? As if Dean wasn't worthy no fight.

The room twisted and Dean got hold of the drawer to stand, going back to bed - face buried on the pillow. That was a dream, it can only be! A odd, bizarre dream where he give a damn about what Castiel said. He didn’t; he couldn’t.

Louis held Castiel hand seeming nervous, but less apprehensive. He showed a glassy glare, feeling his cheeks burn:

“’Cause… I wanted to thank you Castiel.” –said babbling.

“It’s alright Louis, you don’t have to worry.”

Waving negatively his head, the boy lessened their distance:

“You saved me from my family… No one cared about me before.”

Taking a deep breath, Castiel put a hand over the boy's shoulder, attempting to transfer a kind of comfort. Even without his wings and all the splendor of an angel, he still acted like one, steeling for himself the sadness of others, wanting to fix the problems of humanity – the humanity he loved.

“Everything will be better from now on Louis, only remember to follow the right path. Always.”

Assenting, the boy tried to hide his face, turning his neck side to side; however the puncture in his belly pushed him on the other direction: against Cas’s mouth. Castiel didn’t react; he just widened his eyes surprised. Louis’s lips whacked quickly in just a snap junction of the moist flesh, and then the kid backed away, ashamed:

“Thank you for everything Castiel!” – shouted, turning around entering his room in half second.

Castiel lowered his arms to his sides. Then he brushed his forehead huffing. He wasn’t expecting his day to end like this, but what to do. It happened, and he was too exhausted to dedicate any thinking to it. Louis would understand after - definitely - that the kiss was inappropriate.

Entering the room and removing his light blue coat, he notice Sam haven’t come back yet. But then, lying on the bed was Dean. The former angel walked towards him slowly, not making any sound, sglaring at a small collection of beers bottles near the bed. He took a deep breath, thinking the hunter should’ve stop drinking so much. After looking at Dean a while longer Cas wanted to touch his brown hair with a gentle caress – analysing how the short and light strands gave him a rebel aspect – so he could wake him up to take a shower, however he retracted his hand right way. Dean would complain about the touch, so he decided to take a step back, calling his name:

“Dean.”

The hunter grunted, but keep emerged in the pillow. Perhaps if he continued pretending to be sleep Cas would come closer, maybe shake his shoulder or something. But the patient ex-angel called him again, and again, until Dean started cursing siting on the bed:

“Shit, what is it now?!...”

He stopped after seeing Castiel – far away – looking at him:

“Oh, back already?” – mocked – “Tired of babysitting uh?”

Queried with a trail of happiness in his voice, but it was undone with Castiel answer:

“I left Louis in his room. We had a pleased afternoon.”

Dean scoffed:

“After what we know ‘bout his little family you had fun with the occultist pulp?”

Despite the last minutes in the motel corridor, Castiel had no resentment towards Louis. The kiss was just a… Very affectionate way to show gratitude.

“Louis is a good kid. I like him.”

 _‘Like’._ Dean repeated mentally and it seemed like a punch in his stomach. Then he regretted the feeling, risking to stood up, in vain. He was too tense and furious, not knowing what to do or say. He lost the control over the words popping inside his head: ' _He liked him. Castiel will meet him again tomorrow and they’ll keep staring non stopping. He stays more with the kid than helping with the case; Cas just stays away now, he… He’s not going to be around anymore?’_

But the real desolation came to Dean in the following thought: _‘Cas can leave anytime he wants.’_

“Dean, I require a shower. When you fell less discomposed do the same.”

Castiel stated in a consternated direct tone. He entered the bathroom leaving Dean alone with his monologue growing insanely in the four corners of his brain. Cas had a life now, a human one. He could chose, he could make his own way if he wanted to, not needing to obey anyone. Not that he did it before, but now… Now he was truly free. He even got a job! This hunt was just a big coincidence, since they were all together in Bobby’s junkyard. But after it… Everything could happen. And in a awareness stroking Dean’s chest, the idea of Castiel away from him again made his stomach hurt with a deep turmoil. He had felt it since the day he banished Castiel from the Bunker. It had to be done; still he got angered with himself so much.

Castiel saw the human world by himself; discovering how to work around it. He could leave, if he wanted to; like when he did as an angel, always leaving Dean behind…

His chest aches again.

It was something similar when his father appeared for brief days just to leave him again with Sam. Therefore, his brother left too. He was alone, always alone. Castiel will leave him anytime soon, not with a wing beat, yet with a worst departure: by just turning his back and living a life Dean have no right to be part of.

 _‘Castiel can leave, sure. At any moment.’ –_ he started to think this over and over again _– ‘He just needs a chance, something or someone to dedicated his attention to. Like Louis and his stupid  Private Ryan’s Rescue! And who wouldn’t want Cas?! He is a nice guy. Talking with him is easy. He’s like… A big hug bear that wanted to redeem from his sins; like any human does. Cas is a cool guy, really. He could have any woman or even a man…’_

He stopped in the last sentence feeling his face burn. Shaking his head he got over this dangerous idea, blaming the beer for it:

 _‘Cas is nice, and he deserves someone nice.’ –_ concluded in his mind _– ‘Who would say no to him?’_

Dean did, and for a minute a tremendous remorse as nothing before engulfed him. The breath went heavy as if water filled both lungs. Dean wanted to throw up; off with the beer and the crazy thoughts, but it was difficult to force a vomit for something like this.

Castiel would choose another person, anybody, but it wasn’t him. After all the difficulties crossed together, Dean made pretty clear that they will have nothing else, never, and blamed himself not understanding why, ‘cause he didn’t like man, had no attraction for the same sex.

Even so, even so! There was Cas!

The dark-haired left the bathroom with clean clothes drawing the hunter attention from his thoughts. Castiel observed Dean staring at him non blinking, frowning his face in incomprehension:

“You’re feeling indisposed Dean?”

Asked, and Dean knew what was going to be Castiel next action: get closer, eliminating any vestige of personal space with a consternated expression adorning his calm features, and blue eyes would fall over his green. Dean waited, a tiny bit anxious for his touch. That didn’t come.

Castiel stood distant, almost avoiding him, just waiting for an answer. Cleaning his throat, Dean got up from the bed:

“Nothing; gonna shower.”

Lied, moving away from the former angel, who made no motion to touch him, to rest a hand on his shoulder like he always had. Dean locked the damn door, supporting his hands on the sink, as the mirror reflected his tired face:

 _'He’s going away…’_ – repeated in his brain.

The feeling made him want to shatter his teeth in a mix of anger, and real desperation taking over him. He would’ve broken the place apart if it was possible to do without alerting Cas. Twenty minutes later, Dean left the scalding bathroom feeling tranquil as the booze was removed from his body. Now it was time to sleep and forget the unusual night. Sitting down on his bed he saw the mattress beside him – where Cas was sleeping those past days – empty. He jumped to the one closer to the window, on the other side of the room, with his back facing Dean.

Again it came. The same nothing as before, that void sucking from inside out; anger and a deep distress provoking a new sickness. Dean wanted to be closer to Cas. He had this will, and at the same time he didn’t, almost punching the wall in frustation.

_‘You’re going away... And it’s driving me crazy!’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, late update! I know I'm lame T_T
> 
> Still hope somenoe reads it o_o! Kissus!
> 
> Comments and kudos? maybe? xD


	9. It was all for you

Five extensive days passed by and the trio lingered in the town trying to solve the damn case, with no accomplishment. By the end of the week a picture of the fifth victim appeared on the local newspaper. Apparently he was a journalist that got blended into Louis family business.

And dearest mother - Tania - never showed up, probably hidden after the encounter in the barn with the hunters, licking her wounds and picking the next sacrifice. Somehow it worked for both sides: the hunters didn’t have to worry about Louis family and on the other hand they could recover inside the farm. Louis warned Sam about new spells Rick and Tania must’ve secured their home now that they knew who the hunters were. For now, time was fundamental. The next sacrifice was the last one and it needed to be done in a specific day, so no concerns for the moment.

Meanwhile, Sam wanted to visit the dead journalist acquaintances. Dean tried to go along but his brother blocked him:

“I don’t know what’s your problem Dean.” – he spoke fixing his suit before leaving – “But your temper will only help when we face this thing. Just try to find a way to kill it.”

Dean wanted to argue, however he needed – reluctantly – to agree with Sam. He was on the cliff of a breakdown, even more ‘cause his mind keep remembering Cas’s actions, their strange distance and those thoughts only made him angry. It was all different, everything changed since Castiel opened his damn cake hole at the junkyard.

Annoyed, Dean – with great disgust – guessed it was better not to see Louis and Castiel together. They stayed in the room analyzing Sam’s books and, maybe, they’d found how the boy’s blood could help.

With this Dean went to the bar again. He could’ve drive, but he needed to stay close if something happened. Truth be told, he was not the brain here, and even if he helped with the research, his head was too heavy turning around Castiel over and over again.

 _‘Cas, Cas, Cas! I can only think ‘bout that asshole!’_ – complained with himself, swallowing another whisky dose.

Whisky… That’s what Cas drank when he told Dean he wanted to kiss him.

Dean waved his head backing off the memory. But after it another one popped up. On the farm, when the windows started to shatter, he and Cas crouch side by side, and his face got so close to Castiel’s. He swore that the ex-angel warm breath, puffing from his parted lips, brought to him the taste of that pink flesh that was Cas’s mouth.

Startled, the hunter got up from the table sweating icy. Was he… Was he really considering it?! That… That he wanted to... Kiss Cas?!

In rage he grunted, while walking fast to the alley near the bar resting his back on a wall where the trash was being disposed. The nasty smell discharged him from that madness. He was thinking about Castiel in a… Different way. And, noticing only now, this was happening since the junkyard – perhaps even before that.

That night in Bobby’s old house Dean slept thinking how everything was just a misunderstanding, and in the end both would laugh about this stupid story. However, instead, his dreams betrayed him creating images of the dark-haired with blue eyes. Dreams and memories mingled in his unconscious, about the so many times he lost Cas as well as the bitter feeling that came crescendo in his chest. Like when the Leviathans took over him. And at the purgatory, he knew Cas was alive, but still the distance among them was practically unbearable. The days after his solitude departure were even worse – seeing Cas ghost everywhere, trying to convince himself what he felt was guilty. But now; now Dean pondered if it wasn’t something else, something more.

The most recent memory, though, appearing on his dream - the one that made Dean woke frightened that night - was the memory of Cas’s eyes closing as Aprill stabbed him. He was dead, for real, right in front of Dean, and there was nothing to be done. His heart stopped for brief seconds, only pounding again as Ezekiel healed him, bringing Castiel back.

In the junkyard night he dreamed about Castiel, his calm features and his naïve ignorance, his kind and endearing personality, but that was capable to discern the right time to lose control – most of them to protect Dean, or put some sense into his head.

Cursing, Dean wanted to shout. Not even surrounded by garbage he forgot Castiel. He pretended to ignore that dream for days, but even after two weeks he still remembered the confession, the mien in Castiel face, and how he felt after knowing Cas’s feelings. Dean thought it was strange, unusual. But it didn’t anger him nor made him sad. It just... Fetched a crushing sensation, as if it was impossible for Castiel – an former angel of the lord – develop ‘feelings’ towards him; towards a broken human like Dean was.

Fuck! How much more he needed to think about feelings?! He was puking in his brain already. Damn whisky! Emerged in his alcohol daydream, Dean only heard the waitress calling him on the third time:

“You’re okay?” – asked her. She had short gold hair, and a nice curvy sculpted body. Nice tits, by the way.

“Yeah, I’m just tipsy.”

“Want me to call someone to help?”

“Oh, you followed me here to call somebody else? That’s a shame.”

Dean couldn’t believe how he was capable of flirting like this. Well, to tell the truth it was more of a ‘self-defense mental mechanism.’ If he talked to the woman he should stop wonder about Castiel. And if she flirted back, Dean could go to bed with her, avoiding once and for all his weird ideas. Luck he was that the waitress smiled, going near him with a promiscuous walk:

“You’re not from here, are you?” – she queried, slightly touching his chest.

 _‘She’s pretty’_ – Dean thought, eating her with his eyes, enjoying the view the clef of her breasts made under the white shirt.

“Yes, I’m an outsider. Just came a few days to work.” – Dean replied in a jest tone.

“What’d you do?”

“I’m a writer.”

“Ah! Wonderful! I love Reading!”

“I can show you some of my books. Wanna see?”

“Love to. Where you’re staying?”

“Nah, don’t worry, I have a copy in my car.”

Thrilled, the woman pulled him by the wrist going inside the bar. Tossing her apron over the balcony, she said it was time for her break. She’s been eyeing Dean since he came to the bar. Gorgeous and hot! Nice thing she went to the alley.

In the middle of the way, Dean pushed the woman against the impala and in a quick move she was holding his neck, and Dean kissed her. She liked that, and so the hunter. He kissed her not thinking at all. There was no hunt, nor Sam, not even the brat Louis, neither those lips, the same pulpy lips surrounded by dark stubble that popped in Dean’s mind. _‘I want to kiss you Dean.’_

The same phrase, the same feature of the former angel on that day! It all came in one go in his head. The idea that Cas wanted to kiss him, that he liked him, and their proximity on the floor as those windows crashed. Castiel lips rubbing on his shirt until they came a few inches from his. It was all so sudden, the flux of memories invading him as the kiss went on, and on, with his mind scouting towards a different pulpy mouth, that Dean barely had time to restrain the words crossing his mouth as he withdraw his head from the waitress:

“Cas...” – said, widening his eyes after facing the puzzling look on the woman.

“Who’s Cas?” – she asked.

In a jump, Dean backed off her with a hasty breath. What the fuck! What happened?! Nauseas came in the middle of his disorder, and the alcohol complained, wanting to leave the insides of his belly.

“I gotta go.” - was all he could stammer while catching the keys from his pocket:

“Hey! What the hell?!” – the woman shout, pissed – “I left my work, you asshole!”

She continued complaining, but Dean ignored her, getting inside the impala igniting it. He didn’t even care exceed some red lights, he just wanted to go far away, drive the most distant possible; from the waitress, from this town, from his own brain betraying him!

Stopped half hour later in a desert street. He was still close downtown, however there, in the middle of nowhere, perhaps he could achieve put his head in place. Or not.

His stomach burned again and Dean wondered when he became so weak for alcohol. Preferring to lay on the front seat once and for all allowing his body to recover from the sickness. Soon he felt asleep – ‘cause he almost didn’t sleep more than four hours per night – and the whisky dizziness made him sluggish.

In the dream that followed, Dean saw himself in a random motel room. A smoky hot blonde girl, probably one of many he had taken to bed, was there wearing only a pair of red panties and bra, with laces ‘n silk stuff. She called him to lay with her in a velvet raving voice. Smiling easy, the hunter did do, undressing.

_‘I’m going to make you scream, honey.’_

She said, adjusting her sketch waist on Dean’s lap. He just grinned even more. It was a long time since he had a wonderful vision like this; the plentiful breasts hopping as the woman in red jumped on him. Her belly was plain and suntanned, with small shoulders, long golden hair waving with the motions of up and down on Dean’s pelvis. The hunter closed his eyes feeling her moving. AH! Yes! He couldn’t think in nothing more! It was perfect! He smooth the delicious curvy body gluing his eyes on her slim face.

When blinking, though, Dean could’ve sworn that the black iris of the woman eyes gained a blue color.

And yes, the woman was molding into a new form, a strong and defined body, drawn in stiff lines, however firm and well done. Dean took a deep breath, blinking again; needing to put his hands on the person’s waist before him, to make sure it was him:

_‘D-dean!’ – screamed the figure, and the hunter melted in delight._

Even the husky voice his mind was able to convey, creating in front of Dean the image of the one he desired without knowing.

The extreme blue orbs stared Dean’s face intensely, craving his emerald vison over him. The muscular, worked out pecs matched marvelously with the small buds in the abdomen of that masculine body sitting tightly in Dean’s lap.

_‘Dean! More!’_

The husky voice again. That made Dean groans. God! It was… It was Castiel! Grunting, calling his name in a greedy tone, hopping Dean without mercy, and _liking_ it! Liking having the hunter shoving so good and deep inside him.

_‘Cas!’ – roared in his mind while the illusory body jumped above him – ‘Cas! Cas! Oh-God! Cas!”_

In great excitement, Dean forced down the thighs of the fantasy Castiel, making him sunk. The hunter felt his cock stiffen more and more, such was his will growing to feel; touch, and think that there was really Cas!

Gasping, Dean let go an extensive breath, already on his limit. He speeded, absorbing heavily the air in complete awe seeing Cas moving above him. The vison was superb! The pleasure features that Cas made, his red cheeks ashamed, yet in jubilee; the rough timber saying his name one, two, three times! Moaning, begging for more!

In a fierce thrust, Dean stopped, letting a long scream out:

“C-Castiel!”

Howled incapable of holding a second further without utter this name as he climaxed; at the same time he awoke on the car seat, still babbling the ex-angel name in the empty air, englobed by the leather smell of the car.

His eyes opened, dilating as much as possible when faced with the roof of the impala. Puffy, he sit staring the car floor, noting the hassle volume in the middle of his legs trying to jump out of the jeans, so tight it was. Dean’s breath became mismatching.

What… How… Why… Why he dreamed with Cas?! And in _that_ way! He shouldn’t… He couldn’t want this! Fuck! This wasn’t happening!

Dean's lungs seemed to have closed. Hyperventilating; a small collapse of panic taking over him.

Sickness again. A pain reached his belly. Tottery, he left the impala, supporting his back on the door while his head spins, provoking a unpleasant sensation.

It couldn’t be. His body, his mind, his most undermost desires rouse at the same time while Dean gathered what was happening inside him.

His belly complained over again forcing him to shore up the walls of a near building until reaching the bins beside it. There he arched his torso almost falling on the ground, and finally his body expelled the drink disturbing his stomach. In a gush, the hunter walked backside unstable, stopping on an apartment block of a closed street where few people passes by. He dragged his hand over his tired face, cleaning the sweat, beginning to realize what was wrong with him. Sobriety bringing an internal moment of reflection.

He wanted to… Be with Cas?!

Well, he always liked Castiel, but… Not in this way. Dean never had imagined himself in those terms with the former angel. After all… Hell! He never wanted to be with man before! On previous nights out he received a lot of proposals of the horniest guys, and even if he had drank his guts out, he never felt attraction for them; for a masculine body.

However with Cas... He felt it all! Desire, need, excitement! Ah! Just remembering the false images of the dark-haired above him. Dean felt his chest burn in convulsion; spreading through his lower belly – warming him more and more.

What was going on?! It was after… Started, yes, right after Cas’s confession. Something inside the hunter awoke, as if someone connected a switch.

As before, he and the former angel were friends, period. The two shared a life bond that attached them together by chance; by divine orders. Nonetheless, Dean always believed Castiel was beside him for being an existence of light compelled to descend Earth, save the righteous man from hell in the name of the Lord, following His commands; protecting Dean, for this was his given task.

However the apocalypse came, and Cas rebelled against the angels – for Dean.

He became a God, but gave up his plan – for Dean.

He saved Sam’s life after what he did in a moment of madness – for Dean.

He campaigned completely against the angels, suffering treats, yet Castiel remained on his side, even falling, turning into human.

All for Dean.

Beyond friendship and fellowship was something more between them. God! Dean searched like crazy for Castiel in purgatory! Even so he hadn’t comprehended how much the former angel was import to him!

Sighing, Dean took control over his stomach. No longer could he escape or deny. His own body and mind writhed to alert him of this: that Dean couldn’t negate his desires.

It was as if in all those moments blue eyes meet green one’s someone craved for the other to took an initiative. 

Oh, well. Cas did, right?

And Dean repelled him.

A new crisis rose in his stomach, as he felt the belly complaining from the excess of alcohol. He tried to vomit one more time, as if this was a way to get rid of the lies he told himself all this time; that Dean refused to see one actual truth stamped in his forehead:

He too concealed feelings for Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time I was faster =D
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this short dreaming smut, so you can see what more is to come when they actually do it! hahaha
> 
> Kisses everybody!


	10. Teenager golden years

 

Dean left shower renewed. The smell of soap in his body freed him from the afternoon with the waitress – which he didn’t even remember the name. Later… Well, he spent some alone time putting his ideas in place and see if he was in delirium, or if… Or if he really had fell head over heels for Castiel.

Huffed, pressing his temples while a new discourse tray developed. After thinking how childish he acted around Cas those last days, of the increasing hate when seeing him so attentive to Louis, the miss he felt over de former angel proximity and, mostly, the dream at the impala… Let’s say Dean was really confronting a personal dilemma.  

Combing his hair, looking at the mirror, he put on his old ‘n good Led Zeplin shirt – a nostalgic atmosphere surrounding it – a black button shirt and dark blue jeans. Then, the door opened and Dean turned his torso getting face to face with Castiel with a static nervousness. The dark-haired greeted him quickly, telling the news:

“Sam and Louis have an important matter to discuss. They are heading back from the library.”

“Ah; uh... That’s good.” – was all he could answer without choking.

“And you? Discovered something Dean?”

“I...” – sighed, trying to forget the last events, shrugging – “Zero, unfortunately.”

“I’m sure we are closer to a solution.”

Agreeing, the hunter remained fixture, keeping his vision over Castiel’s orbs. The ex-angel did the same, and the two idiots went on the staring contest not saying anything for extensive seconds.

“Maybe… Uh, I mean, Cas…” – Dean started, scraping his nape as his belly sickened again – “’S Better we grab something to eat. Sam and the kiddo will get here starving.”

“That’s true.”

Cas left the room waiting for Dean at the corridor The hunter, on the other hand, could only hear the sound of his own heart bumping speedy. He looked like a teenager again, when he got a first girlfriend, cleaning his throat embarrassed of himself and the silly actions. He wasn’t a teen in his golden ages anymore; he was a freaking adult – most of the time, thank you very much – and he surely didn’t have a crush over his best friend.

For Christ sake! He thought about ‘crushes’ now?! You have it bad Winchester, really, really bad.

Castiel followed him to the diner near the motel not noting the strangeness in Dean. His mind had empty over any kind of contact with the hunter. He walked side by side with him as a good friend he was.

 _‘_ _it will cease.’_ With that he coped on the past days, echoing the same phrase in his mind. One day Cas will forget this feelings towards Dean, and they would be able to remain friends, doing banal things like grabbing some food, talking over the phone sometimes – which Cas learned how to use – or perhaps they could hunt here and there. Just it.

“You’re okay Cas?” – queried curious.

“Yes, I am only fatigued. Those last weeks lugged me exhausted.”

“We’ll leave soon, get back to the Bunker and relax.”

“You and Sam yes; and I am positive to still have a job as a sales associate.”

Dean felt his chest thick. Oh yes, he expelled Cas from the Bunker, right after rescuing him from Aprill. But, back then he had no choice. Ezekiel warnings were strict when affirming he would only cure Sam if the former angel kept distance, because Cas attracts problems. And Dean was compelled to his terms, needing to tell Cas he couldn’t stay in the Bunker. His miserable mien while hearing those words was something Dean would always remember with great disgust, not avoiding the guilty in him. Ezekiel cannot order him like this again. If Castiel wanted to go to the Bunker, or help in hunts, then he would do it. Because now it was impossible for Dean stay away from him again… He shook his head not sinking into this ship.

“Hey, uh; Cas, the Bunker… Uh, it’s a place where you can go, if you want to, sure.” – babbled clumsy.

“You and Sam need your own space.”

“Yes! But I!... I mean, you!...”

Stumbled in the words, and Castiel stopped walking to stare him – doing that dorky confused face while his head tilted to one side. Dean hold his breath emerging in Cas’s innocent features – drowning in that face which now he observed in a new light, with calm and tenderness – hearing his heart beat fast, incapable of saying some more.

“Dean?”

Cas called him, and the hunter avoided his glare, or he would be unable to kept a conversation.

“L-let’s hurry before those two came back!”

Avoided the talk, walking forward. God! What the fuck was that?! He barely manages to be closer to Castiel without remembering the dream; where the ex-angel got up and down on his waist… Shit! Even if it was a mere illusion, even so, even so… The memory caused such a delicious thrill! A crazy desire of…

Of touching Cas.

Yep, that was it. He couldn’t deny anymore. Despite his reluctance the hunter needed to admit it to himself once and for all: he _liked_ Castiel.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Eight at night Dean and Cas returned to the motel room in a monumental silence. The hunter wanted to spell out the yarn of words stuck in his throat, while Castiel wished to be left in peace, hiding from thoughts of Dean – or he would end hurt all over again. For he knew better now how human emotions can be beautiful and cruel at the same time.

“Glad you’re back!”

Sam saluted, excited. Louis looked happy too, seated on the bed with a wide smile as he saw Castiel. Not thinking twice, Dean bursts in front of Cas, getting in the boy’s vision line, finishing that drollery. If he wasn’t going to be near Castiel, no one would. And frankly, the boy needed to understand it right now. Louis lowered his shoulders towards Dean death glare, ‘cause his eyes shined with furious in his direction.

“We find out!” – Sam said cutting the tension – “The ceremony to end it!”

“What do we have need of?” – queried Castiel.

“It’s pretty simple, actually. The only catch is that we have to wait until the last victim is picked and brought to the ritual.”

“Woa, hold your horses.” – interpose Dean – “This’s dangerous. We’re not only risking having another dead body on the list, as also we can bump into the Beverly Hillbillies little pet.”

“The annulment spell can only be done during the sacrifice. When the entity shows up it is stronger, but it’s the one time it’s vulnerable.”

Dean huffed, crossing his arms:

“How this goes?”

“Louis need to bleed on the altar before the victim organ is removed. Then we draw this symbol with his blood and recite the spell, which breaks the original contract made with the creature. And at least, we put one sharp object into this entity chest.”

“And we’ll have how much time to do that before ‘motherzilla’ finishes the sacrifice?”

Sam and Louis exchanged a too obvious concerned stare – both serious – until the boy answers:

“About five minutes.”

“Ah! Great! Wonderful plan!” – said in sarcasm.

“It’s the only way Dean.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just freaking funny that it’s always one single way.”

“Well.” – Sam sighed – “We have a plan, now we wait.”

“We have over six nights before that.” – attested Castiel.

A turmoil installed in Dean’s stomach. Six more days alongside Castiel with doubts, desires, and insane ideas popping no stopping in his head – his brain seemed to have fun betraying him with thoughts around Cas. He took a deep breath trying to regain some calm. Dean needed that: stay tranquil, suppressing his longings and then… Then he could think better of what to do. However next morning didn’t showed itself easy to him. First, he accepted that this night he wouldn’t sleep at all. That’s ‘cause, he barely closed his eyelids and was able to imagine Castiel doing… Not so angelical things.

He stayed in the bathroom putting his head in place for a long time, throwing cold water in his face and nape. Sammy was in that room and he thanked for that, or, he believed, Dean wouldn’t be able to resist the crescent will to get nearer Castiel’s bed, seeing his serene features, imagining those blue eyes glancing his green. If Sam wasn’t there, Dean would probably succumb to his crazy greed of… Of getting closer to Cas.

Although what killed him for those five days was the fact that former angel remained distant – since their fight – which only worsens Dean’s anguish.

On the mornings in that week the four went to the diner, with the mood silent heavy between Castiel and Dean. If it wasn’t for Sam and Louis presence both probably would avoid each other entirely. Worst, as if his brother wanted to start a fire, Sam left then alone for long periods of time pushing – oddly – Louis’s arm to go with him, abandoning his brother and friend to solitude. Dean find it too obvious, but other questions were bothered him to give a damn and punch Sam. Alone, with Castiel, words missing, just staring at Cas’s face. When the former angel was distracted, the hunter rise his orbs searching for blue ones. They seemed to swim in an oceanic vast, calm and bland. Dean forced himself stop divagates over this thinking. Nevertheless this wasn't the vil agony. Wounded – a lot – seeing how gravely he withdraw the ex-angel from himself.

First in the junkyard, then with the punch – which Dean believed he would never forgive himself for – then in the bedroom, when Cas confessed in open words and… And Dean disavowed him, re-thinking his decision countless times per day afterwards. _‘You stupid jerk’_ – resounded in his mind in an ironic timbre.

Despite his lack of knowledge of mundane life, Castiel noted the unsettle behavior in Dean this week. The hunter scraped his nape always when near Cas, shoving deep stares, just to wave his head in discord seconds later. Even perspiring cold he was!

In the fifth day of torture, Castiel and Dean scarcely exchanged words. Sam altogether with Louis decided to pay a last visit to the farm surroundings. Tania and Rick remained hidden inside the house, probably preparing the final sacrifice victim, and notwithstanding the will to finish this hunt, they knew better that patient was their finest weapon to strike without flaws.

But being alone in the same milieu with Castiel was cruelty. Dean just sought to… Get purged of all the innumerous phrases forming in his head, one after another, again and again, compelling him to review those sensations uncoiling inside! ' _Fuck!’_ – Dean thought while watching a show on TV – _‘I’m going nuts!’_

Taking a deep breath, he saw Castiel near the window trying to start a book reading, however stopping every page in a pensive contemplation of idiomatic expressions and metaphors used in the story. The hunter kept his emerald eyes drifting over this realistic painting drawing before him, chuckling initially. However, sonner a peace sensation possessed him, and it was… Sublime. The sunlight beat lightly through the window, shining on the steamy black hair of Castiel, mitigating the mien on his face, transmuting him into a presence almost ... Angelic.

 _‘Dammit’_ – shout internally, huffing right after.

In a jolt, he rose from the bed going to the bathroom. He had spent much of the last days there, enjoying the lonely little space as if it were a private sanctuary. He looked at himself in the mirror just remembering that Cas was on the other side of that door ... Alone ... In a bedroom ... With beds… He punched the wall beside the mirror feeling the pain spread through the phalanges, twisting his body, leaning back against the sink while squeezing his fingers between the palms, contracting one whining cry.

Dean wondered, while there, when it all began. Because it was not a simple ‘change’ after Castiel statement in the junkyard. Perhaps,he pondered, he liked Cas before.

It was the day he died, or at least thought the former angel had parted for the afterlife, with all the fucking shit going on with the Leviathans. The trenchcoat was the last memory of his friend, and it was not enough just save it. Dean carried it with him everywhere, stocking the old coat in the trunk of any car - plus Baby, of course. That coat, that miserable piece of dirty cloth, was the only thing left from Cas.

Closing his eyes, Dean slipped from the sink to the floor of cold tiles, leaving his back bended to the front. He spent a long layoff with elbows on his knees and his head between his legs, immersed in a lost expression.

He went through the whole purgatory for Castiel. Would not do it for anyone, but after seeing him gone once ... Just the ideaof losing Cas again left him breathless. He could not live without the former angel, Nothing would be the same without him, not only because of friendship, but because ... Because Castiel has become essential to Dean. In every way.

Sighing, the hunter rubbed his face wanting to get rid of the distress eroding him: ' _I'm already_ _crazy ...’_ – found, at last – _‘For the nerd_ _in a trenchcoat ...’_

Leaving the bathroom, Cas took his eyes towards Dean. He was in there for some time, and his usual expression _I-am-Dean-Winchester-and-will-fuck-with-your-life_ , told Castiel that something serious happened to him:

“Is everything alright, Dean?”

“Yeah.”

Lied without refrains, because he still lacked words to articulate with Cas. Yet, he had to try something - anything that might discharge the heaviness in his chest:

“Cas.” - called, and all the world's attention fell on Dean.

His shoulders weighed, and the air absences again. Feelings were never easy for Dean, especially when it came to such a sensitive topic. It took weeks to open up with Sammy about the season in hell, and even if these days remained stocked in the past, he had not completely overcome it all. In addition to this entire load, he had a great pending on issues unresolved with Castiel. For example, the sting in the neck that always bothered when he was near the former angel – that now he associated with his recent conclusions towards Cas.

And there was that episode that visited almost every night in dreams and reveries; the cursed day in the crypt. Castiel following orders, and only Naomi orders at the time. However, fighting every instinct and the overwhelming force in it, Cas got free, ignoring the warnings and threats, preferring; choosing Dean. ' _I need you.’ -_ Dean spoke on the crypt to Castiel, in all the words, that phrase which Bobby liked to use to hide other deeper and more meaningful sense. And he really meant it, was not something of the moment. He needed Sam, his little brother, his family, and even more: he needed Castiel. However only after a long time – know as the present - that Dean perceived the weight of these words, what they denoted to him.

He needed Castiel, so badly, that a painful burning pressure havoc his chest; so much that Dean understood, finally, that Cas could never fit in that little space in his life dedicated to friends, Sammy, Bobby, his father and his mother. Castiel ... His presence had won one space already forgotten by the hunter - the same space that made him drop the hunt for Liza. A place that only Castiel could fill completely, and Dean so, so, so greatly needed! _‘_ _I need you.’_ – Repeated in silence while in the middle of the room watching the doubtful look in Castiel; hearing the sound of his own voice rumbling in his head. _‘I need you!’_

“What happened Dean?” - Castiel asked genuinely appalled.

The husky timbre broke the muteness and the hunter still stared him, with his arms attached to his body. Cas got apprehensive, after all it was unusual to see Dean... Uncontrolled.

There was so much to be said between the two, that Dean was not even sure where to start - or if he would actually. The idea to sit down and make a therapy section seemed stupid and unnecessary. He had no time for such dilemmas in his life. He had no time to deal with himself and his problems. Still lost in the world of ideas, Dean sought that audacity of flame within him. _‘Fuck it!’_ \- Thought. The two were already dancing this dance too long.

“Cas I-”

Like any other crucial occasions of his life, Dean was interrupted at this very moment, by Sam and Louis, quickly entering the room with dinner. The hunter took a deep breath - more relieved than anything else - because seconds later, reflecting on what he was about to do, the whole situation appeared stupid and childish. And in the end, Dean thought it would be for the best maintain safe distance between them, because chances were great that Castiel would end up suffering more than him. If his relationship with Sam was hard, imagine something of the same magnitude with Castiel. It would be too much for him, unbearable; the reason for a new pain to the ex-angel.

Cas still had much to learn from human life, and he did not deserve to cope with an uncertain hunter, after all, Dean's mind remained unclear. And Dean could handle from now on the burden of guilt for having retreated, but never forgive himself if it hurt his friend with evil words spoken in his truculent manner. He had no right to launch his own problems and misgivings over Castiel, not after what he had done with him.

“So Sam tell me something good for a change.” - Dean mocked, changing the subject before Castiel decided to resume the questions.

“I brought pie!”

The hunter gave a weak smile to his brother, but Sam noticed his downcast face. He touched him lightly on the shoulder, leaving Louis and Castiel decide on the table beside what they wanted to eat, and away from their suspicious, asked Dean:

“Are you okay?”

“Like a fairy; shining ‘n all!” Let’s eat?”

As Dean did with Cas, it was better remove Sammy from his haziness. They had bigger problems in hand to solve before he… Before he decide if he was going to tell what was bothering him to Castiel.

Maybe yes, maybe it was the right thing to do, however before that he was going to kick the ass of that shit entity.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

It was closer now, so much that Louis returned to his room genuinely light after dinner. He could have a normal life from now on, with real friends. Who knows, maybe Castiel, Sam and even Dean might keep in touch with him. He enjoyed the company of the hunters in the shorttime they were in town.

Every last night away from the farm seemed to be his own paradise. He closed the bedroom door putting his coat on the chair and turning on the light while thinking the crazy threats of his mother were far away, and he would have his peace at last. Because for Louis, hope was his only outlet, literally his only light on the horizon, able to guide him for a few moments out of that cruel reality of his family.

So he thought, until he felt his head being pushed against the wall of the room in a thud.

Gasped, rolling his eyes with the feeling of dizziness seizing it. His pulses were constricted in the back by a strong grip, and a wide, thick hand pressed Louis’s head against the wall’s concrete. But before he could utter a single syllable, a single pain winch, Rick leaned his jaw in Louis's neck, speaking close to his ear:

“We need to talk boy, you know ... About you disinherit and things like that ... Your mother wants to make a deal.”

Louis widened his eyes, shuddering in terror. The lip wobbled a unique shaking and his throat had to contain a choked cry of disgust. He was so close, so close that he didn’t notice the presence of Rick, did not realize that his father would come to meet him, sooner or later. Tania and he could have retreated, recovering from the meeting of days ago, but never give up, never, never admit defeat. They needed to continue the tradition. All in the name of it and the Great One.

Swallowing the tears starting to sprout in his trachea, Louis heard his father saying each word dictated by his mother, incapable of doing anything but agree with its terms, or everything would be hugely catastrophic.

An agreement... That meant only one thing: some of those hunters would die.


	11. Your heart on a tray

Sunday ended carrying calm and rigidity moments among Dean and Castiel. They spoke normally, but Sam could see without any problems the tripled tension between them. Cas trying to stay away, and Dean trying to disguise his distraught.

Sam was going to smash his face on the wall. As if before endure those two staring- no blinking - wasn't already difficult, but now! Sam wanted to lock these stubborn inside a room with seven keys, only opening it when they got into a solution. Were killing one another, or solving their own shit. When they headed back to the Bunker he’d do it.

Louis felt a little sick after yesterday dinner, telling he would stay in his room for today. None complained, especially because Rick knows where and how to hit his boy without letting any visible marks behind; so no questions asked.  

Finally came, night of December 8 - Monday. The impala parked in the same hidden passage, middle of freeway, where the four crosses its path unhurried. Louis, behind them said nothing, but walked normally keeping his pace. Everything had to happen in a relaxed manner, or he would end up revealing the plans of his mother - and if he wanted to get out alive from there he needed to operate within his role. Before continuing the journey, however, Dean thought it’s best to be cautious. He pulled a glass jar from his pocket extending it to Louis along with a knife:

“Fill it halfway.”

“What?” – exclaimed surprised, looking for assistance in Castiel.

“We may not have time to do it there, so.” - said Dean.

“B-but, what if…”

“We’ve talked about that kiddo.”

“It’s okay Louis, it doesn’t hurt that much.” – Sam tried to calm him down, still the boy was clearly altered.

“What’s the matter Louis?” – queried Castiel while Dean frowned. Why he was reluctant now?

Sighing, Louis noticed the looks in his direction. He needed to be discreet. From what Rick promised, he had to do his part. The boy just prayed that his father forgot about the details of Sam's plan which he had been forced to reveal last night.

“Halfway?” - asked changing subjects while putting the blade on his forearm.

Dean affirmed, and soon the boy’s blood dripped into the pot. After bandaging his wound they continued walking until getting sights of the house.

“It’s time.” – stated Sam – “Everyone’s ready?”

Castiel nodded showing the symbol drawn on a paper with the enchantment. Dean drew his gun, ready for any sign of trouble and Sammy did the same, staying closer to his brother.  
  
Strong lights were on into the kitchen. The windows seemed to remain broken since their last visit, but they could still smell the rotten odor exuding from inside.

Louis got up the stairs in the front porch drawing symbols to annul any protection of the house, pushing the door open and going in. He looked both ways hearing sounds coming from the dark room. He called the hunters with a head sign and then the four were standing in the lobby. Dean and Sam separated to different directions as usual, while Castiel came after, followed by Louis. They needed to wait for the right moment, or lose the opportunity to destroy the creature.

Bit by bit they entered the kitchen. The double passage to the living room was perfect for the two brothers, who could cover a larger area. Sideways, they saw Tania's back, wearing a purple robe in front of the fireplace. Near her was Rick holding a tray stained with red dots, using the same type of clothing. She left her arms outstretched during an unknown song that called for the presence of the creature, begging it to accept the sacrifice.

The Winchesters tried to grab a view of the altar, wanting to perceive the condition of the sacrificial victim, if he had his chest ripped, or the symbol carved, anything that would show how long they still had to act. And what surprise it was, when they noticed that no body laid there. The brothers looked at each other, without understanding anything, until the hoarse voice of Castiel erupted from behind with a thud. Dean turned quickly, dilating his orbs as witnessing the scene.

Castiel's forehead was bleeding and his body was struggling groggy on the wooden floor due to dizziness. He couldn’t have a balance and the sudden pain in the top of his head caused a faint, without even knowing what hit him. 

“Cas!”

Sam and Dean shouted almost in unison, but before they could approach their friend, Louis prevented them by pointing a gun to Castiel’s spine. His hand wavered and the boy cried in small hiccups; tears fell running down his jaw:

“F-forgive me…” - stammered in a tearful voice.

“What are you doing Louis?” - Sam asked amid the shock.

“I’m sorry! I-I couldn’t”...!”

Sam was the second to fall sprawling on the floor with arms spread-out. Rick hit him from behind, whereas Tania struck Dean with a silver candlestick. The three hunters heard distant voices, but the blow disoriented them completely. Limbs become mushy and soft, being easy to be reallocated through the house - dragged from the kitchen to the living room. They were barely able to fight:

“Lets… The Ritual... Tie up the meat...”

It was Tania’s voice, coming echoing into their ears. Dean still tried to reach out towards Castiel, or even Sam, but the darkness approached swiftly, erasing reality.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Squinting, Dean hung his neck side to side, wanting to awake from his faint, in vein. His shoulders burned; ears throbbed, complaining of the excessive noise. Sam ... Sam's voice called him numerous times in a despairing tone:

“Dean, Dean!”

He blinked slowly regaining consciousness. Bleary-eyed, scowled after seeing the purple color of Tania's clothes before the altar. The woman held with a sublime touch a dagger in her hands, pointing the blade above her head, singing the song in a faded, calm voice.

“Sam?...”

Conscious, Dean tried to bring his hands up, now finding they tied to the arms of a chair by a thick rope. Sam suffered the same fate and, in a lurch, he remembered Castiel, spinning around the room with his eyes, seeing him upright next to Louis in a corner, near a wall. The boy had a gun pointing at his ribs forcing him to stand. Louis’s dark globes were a mixture of black and redness due to crying. Sniffled several times preventing the tears from falling back:

“Stop the drama Louis.”

Rick appeared next to his son carrying a gun. On his right hand he squeezed between his fingers one remaining piece of rope, playing with the braids one by one. The old man analyzed the expressions of surprise the brothers made in an almost inhuman satisfaction.

“Welcome.” – Rick said, walking towards them – “You arrived in time. Good job Louis.”

The boy nothing said, avoiding their angry glare. He was disgusted with himself, but it was impossible to stop it, not after what Rick threatened last night.

“So, you took acting lessons Louis, or you’re a natural? A prize that comes with your bloodline?” – Dean stated in mockery.

Rubbing the tip of his nose Louis lowered his gun, reclining it in his thigh:

“M-my mother… She told me she would kill you… All of you…”

Rick slapped his hand in Louis’s nape making him arch his head almost falling. The sudden assault made Dean and Sam jump in the chair:

“Stop the small talk and keep pointing the gun.”

He obeyed wiping his eyes, marking the skin with redness caused by the strength with which he dried the tears. None of this would have happened if he had stayed home, accepted his fate, respecting his mother's orders. Sam and Dean wouldn’t get hurt ...

“Now, hunters, you know very well that you shouldn’t have come here, right?” - Rick said, stepping up to them with the shotgun ready.

“If you wanted to kill us, why not at the barn? Why wait until now?” - Sam asked.

“And when we would have the opportunity to complete a ritual with the heart of a hunter?” - Rick laughed – “We watched you since the day you decided to take our son from his home. From there on, you were too busy with Louis to pay attention to our plans.”

Tanya rested the dagger on the altar turning towards the three:

“We prepared the materials and incantations calmly after Louis ran away from us. And now we have the final ingredient.”

“You are only alive because the entity has not yet chosen.” - Rick said.

“Chose?” - Dean repeated, apprehensive.

“Who will be the sacrifice.”

“It is she who decides, you know? We usually bring two people. She chooses one and we erase the memory of another with a silly spell, after all, get rid of two bodies is very difficult, believe me, we've tried. But today we can forget that little problem, since no one in town knows you. It will be magnificent!”

Tania spoke spacing between some short laughs, sounding amused as if this was a comedy, such was her joy.

“So ... This entity goes ‘eeny, meeny, miny, moe’, and you kill the victim?”

“It is she who will open the chest of the offering, eat your heart still beating. And then, with other bodies we will irrigate our plantation for it to be rich and strong.”

Sam and Dean did the same expression of disgust:

“You know you should put a warning sticker in their products, _‘_ _contains human remains,_ ’ right?” - Dean said in a wry laugh.

 “Do not make fun of what you don’t understand!” - Rick said – “We have for decades the best harvest, the best materials! All thanks to the entity!”

“Tell that after putting the sticker."

Dean joked willing to give more time for the brain - Sam - to think something. The youngest was only sure of one thing: Louis needed to use his blood as soon as possible. But Dean's ferocious language came with a price, and this time it was Rick's punch, which opened a new cut above his cheek, making him sucks the saliva mixed with blood in his mouth; stop talking.

Castiel swallowed thick, forcing his body forward but being compelled to stand still by the cold feeling of the gun over his shirt. If he still had his grace, he would be of any use. He suffered seeing Sam's nose hurt; the injury on Dean’s face. As a human, there was not much to do. Louis continued the threatening as a precaution, because then none of the Winchesters would think to loosen the rope.

Set before the altar Dean and Sam were forced to see the continuity of the ritual. Tania returned to the table, singing a new song, calling for the presence of the entity. She picked up a basket with a writhing pig, making him bleed on one of the holy images. Night had fallen, and the moon reached the highest point, the precise moment for the sacrifice.

“Where is it Louis?” – Rick asked, and the boy ducked his face.

He felt a sting in the jaw with the swift slap of his father. Both Sam and Dean tensed their muscles, believing now in the abuses Louis told them he suffered at the hands of his parents for refusing to indulge in the family hideous tradition.

“In his pocket…”

Answered shaking his voice in despair, because Rick had remembered the annulment ritual the hunters intended to do with his blood. Louis pointed to his father where the jar was. Dean still tried to stop Rick, but instead received a strong slap.

“This is how you wanted to end the ritual?” – asked, shaking the pot in front of Dean, then throwing it at the floor – “What a pity, it broke.”

Sam grunted seeing the blood - its output passport - scattered among the broken glass. They needed to find a tactic to get away, and quickly, because with next chorus of Tania's song, the lights flickered and the room began to warm up slowly. Would soon be in the presence of the entity and, if everything went as planned by the family, the creature would choose one of the brothers to be the sacrifice.

“Louis, you could have told us!”

Castiel yelled, and Louis parted his mouth to answer, however, Rick pulled the former angel by his black hair, forcing his head back. Cas furrowed his brow in disgust while Dean clenched his fists in a visible rage.

“Tania knows how to be ... Persuasive, in regards to have her wills achieved ...”

Giving a new tug on the black hair, Cas gave a muffled grunt pain, and Dean could not stand it this time:

“Let him go!” - shouted, and Rick looked at him smiling.

“You know, I went to see Louis last night in town while you were debating on your personal dilemmas.” – narrated, looking between Dean and Castiel – “I told him exactly what Tania had contrived these days; a simple and practical way to use you without distress.”

“You threatened Louis.” - concluded Sam with gritted teeth. 

“We gave him a chance.” - Tania broke the conversation – “Louis could choose one of you to stay alive, while the other two would be the select items of the sacrifice.”

“I’m so, so sorry!” - Louis yelled, crying - “She would kill you all! I-I couldn’t let it happen! At least one! At least one I wanted to save!”

Dislocating to his left, Louis’s jaw vibrated with the punch Rick gave. The boy fell to the ground holding his mouth, and his father took his position by constricting Castiel’s arms and pointing the shotgun:

“Louis, Louis, continue talking too much and we’ll forget about the agreement."

Shaking his head in disagreement he made a sign with his fingers that he would be quiet – as he was incapable to move his mouth right now. He anchored in the living room wall, just waiting for the nightmare to end.

Deep inside, Dean felt pity on Louis. However he needed to choose one to be saved, and internally he thanked it was Castiel. He and Sam were more accustomed to extreme situations, and their chances were higher. Although they still needed to get free and find a way to use the boy’s blood against the entity.

He turned to his brother wanting to figure a way to communicate through his eyes. At first, Sam just stared, but in a click understood what Dean meant. On the inside of Sam's sleeve, he and Dean always carried a small knife. In fact, they did so with various artifacts scattered throughout the clothes pieces

As Tania's sinister song continued, and her voice was like the loud noise of an animal in agony, Rick watched dumbfounded by the power of his wife manifesting through the room, bringing the presence of the entity before them.

Castiel tried to fight Rick, yet the butt he received on his back made him stop amidst pain. Louis lifted a hand towards him getting a hard look from his father, retracting, putting the fingers back to his mouth.

Among so many distractions and the sharp rise in temperature, Sam rubbed his wrist in the wood of the chair arm, slowly dragging the small knife out of his sleeve. It fit in the palm - so tiny - but that was what the brothers needed. Like sandpaper, Sam began to rub as fast as possible the cutting edge of the knife against the rope. It would take at least four minutes to loosen one hand, this being optimistic. If odds that night were in favor of the Winchesters - but it was not the case.

Sam merely begun cutting the rope and sweat sprang up in every corner of his body. Dean and Castiel felt the same heat approaching more and more, until in a high pitched tone Tania reached the necessary vibration, and a hot steam such as a sauna rose from the wooden floor cracks, from the entrance; holes in the ceiling - the whole house seemed to breathe life into the solid form of the entity, molding it like a dark and old clay pot. The smoke got colors, format, tangency, and then there it was, the creature female body, slender and rotting, trembling head, changing its face each second, as if having three faces within one. She opened her flowing mouth, breaking her neck sideways when he saw Dean and Sam before her.

_“Hunterssssss…”_

 Hissed the entity and the brothers felt the dryness in her throat as she spoke.

“Today you will have the heart of a hunter, Grandiose.”

Tania said in a subdued but firm voice.

_“Hunterr...”_

Whistled, rotating the triple head at Castiel. Dean instantly froze.

“No, not him Grandiose. It has to be between these two.”

Tania at least keep his word with Louis, after all, she wanted more than anything his son back, following her steps, leading on for future generations the family tradition.

“Now Grandiose, make your choice.”

The woman led the creature's actions as if the tone of her words controlled it in a superficial level, as thin as a layer of ice. A wrong phrase, a more serious note and the charm over the entity would be lost. Tania’s induction put the supernatural presence in front of the Winchesters again. The base of her neck swayed giving an unstable shaking in its head.

“Choose Grandiose, choose and a heart shall be yours, in a tray.”

The long and rotten hand covered in dirt and mud lifted, hovering initially towards Sam. The youngest Winchester only stopped at this time from cutting the rope, stagnating in the middle of the process. Tensed up, waiting for the result of the creature’s choice, but then the entity changed the direction, gradually moving the crooked arm to stop in front of Dean.

_“aahhhhhhhsssssss...”_

Hissed again, and Tania, approachedstoppingbeside her:

“Is this one Grandiose?”

_“ShHSsS!”_

“So be it.Louis, cut hisrope.”

The boy gasped shaking his head.

“Louis, I already commanded.”

However he remained quiet, wearing the little courage he had to refute his mother's orders.  
  
“You ungrateful!”

Rick collided Castiel's face against the wall and he fell dizzy; unable to run now. Then the old man went near Dean starting to lose his rope, but after realizing his intention to escape, Rick pointed a finger at Tania:

“If I were you, I'd stand still...”

One word and Tania would make the creature attacks Castiel, as its twisted hand flied over the former angel crouched body.  Dean held his breath understanding the message.

“Stand up.”

Dean did it reeling, as Rick pushed him. Dean peeks Sam, hoping he had finished cut the rope, but his brother was still midway, incapable to continue with Rick and Tania so close.

Holding the dagger laid upon the altar, Tania stepped forward getting face to face with Dean. She pulled his dark blue shirt, ripping the fabric and exposing his bare torso. She walked away, behind the creature, only guiding its hand to the middle of Dean's chest.

“Grandiose, we offer you!”

Tania sang and Rick repeated her phrase while surrounding Dean, returning next to Castiel with his shotgun. He was lying on the floor just watching the cloudy scene due the acute tinnitus drowning Cas’s ear. His neck was also bleeding a little, and he sure needed stitches.

The entity raised the extensive rotten arm, spreading a thin finger to Dean, ready to steal his heart and devour it. Sam had to take the distraction moment while Tania sang to the creature, and Rick looked at her fascinated, with all the attention falling on Dean. Sam stayed in the background, and this would be his advantage.

Parting its fading lips in a shrill sound, the triple face entity mouth looked like a hollow endless hole, with sharp and curved animal teeth. She had no eyes, but two deep and dense cavities, decreasing in size while its mouth opened up more and more. The tongue came out of the darkness in the throat, crying for its offering in a guttural uninterrupted roar. Tania accompanied at the same rate the supernatural voice, and Rick smiled, waiting restlessly the ritual outcome.

In a unique martyrdom, Castiel watched all helpless. How to help Dean if he had no more grace? If he had only recently become human? The Winchesters were hunters, trained from an early age, and he ... He was an anomaly, a being of light that lived in a receptacle now, devoid of its strength. However, his agony hung exclusively on Dean. He couldn’t simply forget what he felt; he just pushed away his refusal, the pain and torment so it would be easier to move on, just ignoring the heat rising in his face whenever he was near the hunter; it would be enough to erase the memory, forcing him to be just what Dean wanted: a friend.

Still nothing disappeared; how could it? 

Dean is and will always be the one he most care about; the human by which he gave up everything to protect, his loved one, this troubled existence that was Dean Winchester.

It was with Dean that he learned the real value of humanity. Before, his delusions were so many, the bitterness for this lost world, yet loved by the Lord, his Father. Castiel did not believe them - in humans - in their kindness, or the altruism. Cas never understood the power imbued in the free choice of mortals.

And then he met Dean.

He, who alone faced frightening beings, always trying to protect the ones unable to do so for themselves; Dean Winchester, enthusiast for any kind of greasy food, joker - pervert at moderate levels - older brother and highly protective of his younger, Sammy; able to go to hell to save him, a hunter often crude, but that actually hides behind this hardness mask a unparalleled compassion.

Dean, who had no faith in his own nobility, who did not understand why he should be saved; a man who could only see his duty to others and nothing in himself, believing to live a cursed life ... Castiel loved each of these imperfections and welcomed him at its core; he accepted and long wanted to convince Dean of how precious he is. Perhaps that was the reason he was denied by the hunter: because Dean could not accept the fact that he could be necessary to someone.

However Dean was to Castiel, and the former angel would never be capable of doing nothing and just watch him die. And it was in so challenging times like this, pushing you to the extreme limit of reason, that Castiel understood perfectly the free will of men – the same one he now possessed.

Cholera entered into combustion everywhere in Castiel's body. The burning fury freed him of dizziness, the mixed feelings encompassed up in that tiny second he regained his strength, getting away from Rick, moving towards Dean in a few steps.

There was no time.

Dean could do nothing.

It was all so hurried and unbelievable.

His globes widened amid surprise, anguish and despair.

Seeing Castiel motionless in front of him, receiving the entity's blow.

The hunter lost all breath, dazed and lost in disbelief, not understanding anything.

The thin rotten finger, piercing the chest just above the diaphragm, claiming the live of Castiel.

Dean was unable to do anything ... Unless run out of air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't be mad at me! Next chapter will be better, I promisse ;) Wait is gonna be worthy with these two!
> 
> Gotta say, I'm excited for chapter 13! It's gonna be fluff *-*
> 
>  
> 
> Kisses everyine, see ya later!


	12. Let me go

  
Castiel gasped, although he was without oxygen. The entity sharp claw crossed the middle of his chest, going above the diaphragm to the back muscles, almost piercing the other side.  
  
That was not the chosen offering, and the creature rustled angry for being deceived. Tania engaged in a serious hate mien, screaming out her frustration. Rick did the same, cursing and blaming himself for not paying attention in Cas’s movements. Louis was the only member of the sinister family crying, wanting to run to the former angel and help in some way, but if he did so he could’ve end dead by the hands of the harvest beast; of the Grandiose, as his mother called her.  
  
Sam immediately stops cutting the rope, calling his friend in vain, seeing Castiel standing still only by the superhuman strength of the entity. His feet nearly left the ground, floating in a space of a few centimeters. Cas put both hands at the creature’s wrist holding her firmly in place, searching for a way to stay awake.  
  
AHSashhhhhhh!!  
  
The sound was unreadable, but the entity continued uttering, removing the thin finger from Castiel’s wound, beginning to clash the bewildered head.  
  
“CAS!”  
  
Dean shouted sheltering his fall, holding his shoulders. The two went to the ground, Cas turning pale, supporting his neck in Dean’s lap while the hunter tried in a visible despair prevent that more blood escaped from the hole in Castiel's chest.  
  
“Dean…”  
  
Stammered, as if trying to recall the hunter back to reality, because Dean froze, not knowing what to do.  
  
“Shut up you idiot!” – snapped, pressing the wound with his palm.  
  
“Stupid!” - Tania yelled putting one hand over her head, copying the entity's movements.  
  
“Damn you two!”  - Rick pointed the gun towards Dean triggering the bullet - “You will pay for it you shit hunter!”  
  
“NO RICK! The ritual!”  
  
His wife awakened him from the trance. It would be no use kill them. Foremost they required to complete the offering, Rick knew it, and was able to retract his fingers before pulling the trigger:  
  
“We’re out of time!” – exclaimed Tania – “It has to be him!”  
  
She pointed to Castiel, but precisely to the open hole in his chest – the entity’s mark. Rick acquiesced; after all it was past eleven. With dawn coming and the end of the day approaching, they would’ve wasted the whole ritual.  
  
Holding firmly the dagger Tania stopped standing in front of Dean. The woman pressed her left palm in the middle of her forehead while the weapon rattled in the other. She begins to control her voice, leaving it in the same composed tone as before when it dominated the entity:  
  
“I know I promised my son…” – said between her teeth- “But now that he stepped in the way of the offering...”  
  
“If you touch him I’ll tear your arm with bites.” - Dean cut her speech bringing Castiel's body in a tightening hug, involving him in a protective cocoon.  
  
Castiel complained of the discomfort, but kept his fingers tangled in Dean’s blue shirt, smearing it with red.  
  
“Not my fault, it was he who decided to play hero. Now it’s time to face the consequences.”  
  
Dean wouldn’t let go, Tania knew that. She would’ve had to kill him first, and the extra work made her hiss an angry snort.  
  
“Rick.”  
  
Called and the old man prepared his gun aiming Dean’s head. The shot came, but instead of reaching its target, the bullet shattered at the ceiling, as the old man had been pushed by Louis – in his last bravery outburst. Punching his son, Rick tried to get up and obey Tania’s orders, his dear wife. He kicked Louis in the ribs making him crawl, and the boy crept to the opposite direction of his father's aggression. Crawling, he went into a fetal position, spitting out a mouthful of blood with his crooked mouth - the jaw was broken, fact.  
  
In a musical jubilation Tania called the creature, which fetched her attention back to the hunter. She stopped struggling, walking with a ghostly step to Castiel.  
  
Dean still tried to hold him in his arms, but the telekinetic power of the entity dragged the body of the former angel out of his grip, while the invisible force tied the hunter in place.  
  
Howling with rage, Dean watched Castiel being erected by the his wrists only with one of the beast’s claws that barely had to close around his arms, due to the size of each phalange. She tilted its own neck to one side, seeming to smell the blood flowing from the wound. In one swift motion, Tania drew her dagger to the left side of Cas’ torso, carving at his chest the symbol that marked him as an offering.  
  
Even weak, he cried raucous with the pain of meat being carved slowly. He furrowed his brow, eyes tightened amid discomfort. Red fillets ran through the new cut, the knife sliding on the skin tearing it easily; and Dean’s despair triplicated:  
  
“STOP!” Let him go! You son of a bitch!”  
  
Tania just laughed, continuing to carve the design into the skin of Castiel, and the roars mingled in a deformed and macabre melody; the entity hissed rejoicing with the offering, mouthwatering to taste Cas’s heart. Among her distorted voice Tania murmured a slow and continuous song, as if to appease the overwhelming will of the beast to devour the organ. Yet amid these rhythmic sounds, Dean screamed, cursing Tania, wanting to get rid of Castiel’s constriction, wanting to save him! His wrists were locked against each other by the invisible pressure, and Dean hated his inability to go to the aid of Cas; vacillating his voice in a mixture of anger and hysteria.  
  
“There you go Grandiose. All yours.” – concluded Tania.  
  
The mark was made. Castiel breathed wildly, feeling a sting sprawling through his ribs every time he sucked air, and the wound burned, filling the lungs with blood every minute past. However, the worst was yet to come. And Dean widened his globes, scratching his throat such was the strength of his bawl:  
  
“Stop! STOP!”      
  
The fine tip of the claw leaned up to the hole in Castiel's chest as a needle. Slowly, in a kind of surgical precision, the entity started to drag up the sharp finger, gradually, with an almost sacred care tearing the skin, extending the vacuum of the injury.  
  
Skin, fat, muscles, tendons and nerves all cut, untying the ligaments of each layer in Castiel’s chest, like a seam line of a garment made of flesh, bursting thread by thread; the movements of the beating heart beginning to be seen by the small gap. The red liquid flowed more intense, running to the former angel waist and soaking the fabric of his jeans.  
  
Castiel gasped, frowning in a lethal expression, almost losing consciousness, and Dean was tormented before his agony. The hunter forced his knees against the wooden floor, dragging and scraping the skin under the fabric, creating bruises of peel and pus, in a failed attempt to reach his friend, to get closer to the entity; to protect him!  
Sam’s rapid interference was the turning point that night.  
  
He got free of the rope as soon as possible, throwing the chair still trapped on his other arm against Rick’s back, knocking the old man. The wooden seat crushed into millions of pieces of sharp barbs and thick stumps, bouncing around the room. Sam felt his forearm burn due the coup, but had little time to act.  
  
Tania stopped singing when she saw her fallen husband. She gritted her teeth, looking at Sam. She could not stop the ritual, could not prevent the creature to consume the offering, but if she wanted to stop the hunter, the woman needed to put the attention of the entity on the youngest Winchester. No longer imprisoning Dean, she sang a new chorus forcing the supernatural presence of the creature to attack Sam. His shoulder hit on the wall, while Dean found himself freed from the pressure in his arms.  
  
So many actions happening at the same time left the entity muzzy. It didn’t continue to go further into cutting Castiel, beginning to flicker its head in confusion. The oscillation of Grandiose made Tania twist her torso – in the same motion as the creature - almost breaking her spine. She stood in the same place, turning her body in an inhuman way, linked to its supernatural connection with the beast.  
  
Only one thing was missing, a small detail that came to Louis's mind: he could end the contract, end the tradition of his family at once. Still immersed in a sea of pain, the boy crawled down to the altar. Of the various sharp objects arranged on it he picked up a needle. His fingers faltered – trembling - almost without any force to close around the piercing object.  
  
“Don’t. You. Dare. Louis!”  
  
His mother rustled in the usual authoritative voice, and Louis swallowed the cry for the first time in all his life, defying her will:  
  
“Goodbye.”  
  
The first red drop fell from his hand upon the holy Catholic figure of the entity, perfectly groomed in the occult circle. Instantly, the creature dropped Castiel, and his body hit with a thud the wooden floor.  
  
Across the room, Rick got up, shaking his head. When faced with the paralysis of Tania - because of her covenant with the creature - he shrieked, turning to Louis:  
  
“No! You ungrateful! Stop!”  
  
“Hey bitch.” - said Dean at the same time, breaking  a log on his face.  
  
Rick fell inert, with his back on the floor no predictions to recover this time. With the momentary safety installed, Dean could only think of Castiel, going to the former angel, getting him away from the creature and using his coat to cover the cut on his chest.  
  
Meanwhile the beast twisted the big cloudy body, head spinning, changing between the three sides without pause. The room temperature rose dramatically making them sweat everywhere.  
  
It was closer, almost there, and they would be free. But there were still words missing for the contract breach. What the hell! Louis saw Cas writing it sooner! He needed to talk! He needed to remember! A song was a song in old Latin, the same language his mother used to talk to the creature. So few words; he had to remember, he needed!  
  
“Dean...”  
  
In a painful grunt Cas whispered making the hunter turn his face towards him. Cas’s eyes were half-open, lost in the faint and the will to stay awake. Dean tried to make him shut up and rest, but it was then that he saw the dirty crumpled paper, dirt in blood, squeezed in his fingers. He took it, seeing the written sentence:  
  
“Louis!”  
  
Shouted for the boy, and he stared at Dean spotting the wrinkly paper in his hand, listening carefully to the words dictated by the hunter, and immediately repeating in the best possible way, ignoring the broken jaw.  
  
“ENOUGH! Louis stop! STOP!”  
  
Tania cried with her shoulders whirling at every new word uttered by Louis, mimicking the same movement that ripped the entity. The multifaceted creature hissed in pain, receiving Louis’s syllables as stakes piercing its rotten body, punching, weakening, ending its dominance.  
  
Grunting, Sam stood up with a limp arm across his waist. Probably was broken due the blow, but it didn’t matter. He had to hit with a final attack the creature, which opened the ribcage - against its will - to receive it deserved end, obliged to submit to the magical voice of Louis.  
  
The boy's spell followed, with the entity and Tania both trapped by the boy's spell. Sam was as soon as possible in front of the beast, who was still trying to repel him, using the rest of its telekinetic forces. Very hard, Sam reached out his arm putting it up his head. Between his fingers he pressed his small knife - which after tonight Sam would always bring along - and thus, in a unique and accurate bump, hit down the blade against the center of the entity's torso. The knife buried in it, where sparks came out clear in light blurs. The shouting rose in a high tone.  
  
Tania screamed; the entity shrieked, and together they felt the stab in the chest, burning, scorching, making creature and summoner fissure into tiny clay brans, falling as sand in the room, exploding in a short and quick flash that blinded everyone for a few seconds.  
Dean protected Castiel’s body, while Louis and Sam have been knocked out due to the proximity of the impact. His brother and the boy lay unconscious, but well. Rick also remained on the floor, and only much later would he know what had happened to his dear wife.  
  
The hush came, and when Dean could breathe again he did not. Because Cas was in his arms, bloodstained; face pale, chest open, and his eyes shut, appearing ... Dead.  
  
“Cas?!” – called, touching his shoulder, settling the former angel on his lap – “Hey Cas! It's over!”  
  
In a whisper, Castiel opened the misty globes, almost gloomy due to its weakness:  
  
“Dean…”  
  
“Dude, hang in there! You’ll be ok, you’ll be...”  
  
He repeated, however as the green orbs hovered over Castiel’s split chest, seeing the open meat out of place, the amount of crimson liquid on his blouse ... He no longer had certain. Biting the inside of his mouth in frustration, Dean tried to stay calm - as he always should do, being the practical brother, being the strongest:  
  
“We have to take you to the hospital!”  
  
Said finally starting to lift him, but Castiel's discontent growl made the hunter stop.  
  
“Dean… Dean.” - babbled difficultly, firmly holding his larger blouse, staining the tissue on its elbow with more red.  
  
“Cas, save the energy, we ...”  
  
“Let me go…”  
  
Static, shimmering eyes in disbelief, Dean stopped moving, analyzing the tranquil face of Castiel, from someone who was at peace. His words hung in the air as a disbelief blow to the hunter, and he could only shake his head negatively several times - his eyes beginning to water:  
  
“No Cas, stop talking crap!”  
  
“No contracts ...” - spoke in a crooked smile coughing; more blood flowing out – “not with demons or angels...”- gasped breathlessly – “No agreements ... Just ... Let me go...”  
  
“I won’t!” - shouted gravelly – “You cannot ... not now ...” - the hot salted strings feel down Dean’s cheeks unstoppable – “Cas, please ... Hold on!”  
  
“Hey Dean…”  
  
The hoarseness of his voice became a deadly whisper, and Dean had to get his face closer, leaving the tip of his ear slide in Cas’s lips in order to listen to him:  
  
“For you ... For you I...”  
  
The grip of his hand on Dean's arm gave away, leaving only the crimson mark on his blouse in the format of Cas’s splayed fingers. Then Castiel's eyes fell slowly among his final thoughts. That he had done right, Dean had been protected in the best way possible. Because he simply had to do it. So Castiel allowed the coldness of his legs cover him as a blanket, rising to his chest and finally achieving his whole being, finishing his breath.  
  
The hunter tried listen to anything else, he wanted to feel a breath of air from Cas’s nostrils. And noticing the absence of it he turned his face towards the dark-haired one - almost gluing their noses - and Dean did not see the blue globes, this beautiful vastness of ocean indigo, because his eyelids were closed.  
  
Dean grabbed the brunette's face with one hand. The throat closed with a choked sob hidden in its deepness:  
  
“Cas?! CAS!”  
  
Called him, shaking his shoulder, sinking his fingers on the cold face of Cas, repeating and repeating his name. But nothing ... There was no sign of life in him, and Castiel started to become just a memory.  
  
“Cas... You idiot son of a bitch... Why now?”  
  
Why only now that Dean had realized, finally, how Cas was important to him?! Only now when he knew he craved for more than a simple friendship with Castiel?! Why only now Dean felt really, with all his strength going into convulsions, the lack that Cas presence did to him?! It could not be true! It was impossible! Cas... He always comes back! He would always, always stand beside Dean!  
  
Dean aloud it then, those tears drip. Because he had no armors to wear now, no shields to cover him. The edge was there and he had jumped, knowing… Witnessing that Castiel was not coming back this time.  
  
“Please don’t die, please, please...” - gasped a cry in sobs, closing his eyes tightly – “I need you...”  
  
Whispered, with the weight of those words drifting over the baneful room. He needed Castiel so badly that his mouth flickered with crying; an absurd need for the ex-angel, to the point of being unable to stop the tears, to pretend being invincible, as he should be; trying to pretend he did not care. Dean could not at that moment of torment ignore the sadness, putting it away, forgetting the hatred boiling in his chest, burning his lungs. Cas was lost and he not even had the courage to tell him how he felt. He lost him...  
  
“I need you Cas…”  
  
Dean echoed in a moan, resting his forehead with Castiel’s - the tears flowing down in small salty drops on the icy cheeks of the perfectly sprawled body on his lap. The hunter shook his torso together with Castiel, cradling him in a tender nurturing movement, imagining being a dream, hoping it was another one of his nightmares, praying for a miracle...  
  
Like a light illuminating his eyes he took a deep breath –the small amount of oxygen he was able to join amid the anxiety eating Dean up - and, turning his face to the ceiling he stared at the shattered roof of the house, swallowing hard as a prayer started to form in his lips:  
  
“If there’s someone there ... Anyone, please ... Come here ... Come quickly ... Please, please ...”  
  
Persistent and repeated, muttering each sentence like a breeze of hope, his last card. However nothing happened, not a rustle of wings or even a demonic triumphal entry; and the hard truth - that Castiel was really gone – struck Dean as a piercing needle. His heart should have stopped, because the hunter could not accept that. That after all, after what he discovered, he had lost him; Cas; him, the only one...  
  
A growl of anger and mourning escaped the parted lips of Dean. Cas’s lethargic body in his lap made reality palpable, and he just wanted to forget everything, disappear and return to the time when he, Sam and Castiel were on the road, or those days when he was alone with the former angel and they only enjoyed each other presence.  
  
Dean wanted, craved, an astronomical desire to have that tiny proximity again, only this and nothing else, have Cas back.  
  
A large shadow hovered over him, forcing Dean to raise his head with a defeated motion. Sam was standing staring, but his eyes ... Those were not the eyes of Sam.  
  
“Pray for angels is suicide Dean.”  
  
“Ezekiel…”  
  
Echoed his name choppy through his teeth. Facing the calm face of the angel momentarily possessing Sam, forgetting that the meat casing was his brother, and Dean was able to really hate him:  
  
“I warned you about this Winchester. Castiel attracts problems.”  
  
“You’re in there this whole time you son of a bitch! You could’ve help!” – yelled almost spiting on him.  
  
“I could have. But this way is better. Castiel is a nuisance.”  
  
“No!” – bawled – “He saved me and Sam more times than I can remember!”  
  
“When he was an angel, yes. Now, in human form he is trouble.”  
  
“He’s not…”  
  
“Let him go Winchester.”  
  
“Never…”  
  
“Let him go in peace.”  
  
“Cure him.” – replied, girding Castiel into a cozy embrace.  
  
“Even if I did, what I said does not-”  
  
“We’ll be fine!” – shout, cutting his speech – “We’ve always been! So now, please, please! Cure him!”  
  
His breath became soft from crying. He just wanted Castiel back:  
  
“I beg you…” - stammered in a throaty and shy speech.  
  
Panting, the hunter kept the decisive and firm look staring Ezekiel, despite the dried tears on his face. It no longer mattered what the angel could think of it, not now. If Dean Winchester was begging? On behalf of a former angel, a rebel, who has saved him and lied to him over and over again? Of the one who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition? Who gave up his life by the hunter? Who sacrificed himself in his name? Dean begged, and would do it again if needed.  
  
Ezekiel arched an eyebrow delighted with the scene.  
  
“This is new. Dean Winchester pleading.” – stated Ezekiel in an almost smile.  
  
The Hunter swallowed thick, evading a cry. He opened his mouth, searching for his voice:  
  
“For him, yes.”  
  
Said, convinced. For Castiel he would humiliate; so that the former angel could reply that hug and the hunter would have him back in his life, Dean would do the impossible - and unimaginable. He needed Cas so much it hurt.  
  
Ezekiel's eyes, that could see Dean and the former angel on his lap through Sam’s, pondered the situation. He was still weak, lacking the recovery of his grace before leaving that receptacle. If the youngest Winchester found out about the presence of the angel in his body he would be expelled immediately, and Ezekiel feared Dean would tell his brother if he refused to heal Castiel, as the angel perceived in the hard and brittle expression in the hunter that he would be willing to take a drastic action. Maybe not risking the life of his brother - far from it - but find another way to cure him, extracting the hidden presence of Ezekiel. And that would be a grievance even greater than Castiel. Also, the angel had nothing against his brother. The only thing between them was the uprising war. But for now he could ignore its danger.  
  
“Very well.”  
  
Said, lowering the huge body of Sam next to Castiel. He extended his hand a few inches away from the dark-haired chest, and his palm emanated an intense soothing light. First, the mark carved by Tania disappeared along with the blood fillets, and moments later the gash cauterized by closing the two open halves of meat putting then in place as if gluing a sheet of paper back up. The already dry red liquid remained glued to Cas’s clothes, however the sign of any injury dissipated as if it never existed.  
  
As Ezekiel continued healing, Dean looked at him with a dismayed expression of contentment, stroking Castiel's jaw,  watching his peaceful mien,  and looking forward for him to woke up.  
  
“Castiel is in an extreme debilitate condition.” – said Ezekiel after finishing the process – “But he shall live.”  
  
Shaking his head in agreement, Dean didn’t lift his head from the former angel. He only cared about Cas and nothing more, holding him firmly in his arms, letting his fingers touch the not so pale skin of Castiel’s cheek that was now returning to heat up.  
  
“Pay attention to my words, Dean Winchester.”  
  
And it was only at the mention of his name in a harsh tone that the hunter turned his neck towards him:  
  
“This will be my last warning: Castiel is a magnet that attracts only complications. Both you and your brother have become targets of angels, demons and other creatures. Get away from him at once.”  
  
“Heard it before. Didn’t quite care.”  
  
“Alright.” – said the angel – “I will no longer help you Winchester. It’s my final statement.”  
  
Clenching his eyes, Ezekiel took a deep breath allowing Sam consciousness back to its place. Of course, his powers were still weak, and leaving the body of the youngest made him collapse on the ground in a tired groan. Dean patted Sammy’s knee and he complained like a sleepy child, relieving the older brother tension.  
  
Dean returned watching Castiel, involving his hands around his shoulders in a tight warmth, bringing the former angel to a strong hug. Castiel’s head rested on his chest, settling there with the soft touch of Dean's fingers on his face. It was close this time, he almost ... Almost lost his friend, for just a measly minute, Cas had died.  
  
And the agonizing feeling that took over Dean was enough. The hunter had suffered for a whole eternity. He could never stand living without the former angel. He could not; impossible! Dean had accepted, finally, how much Cas was crucial to him, the absurd need the hunter had for Cas. In every way, with all the allegations of this truth.  
  
For half an hour, Dean stood there in the same position, cradling Castiel on his lap with his forehead glued on his. The tip of his nose touched the former angel cheek as he kept his eyes half open, with gentle fingers stroking Castiel’s face over the badly shaven stubble, just listening to the sound of his breathing crossing over Dean’s mouth, so close to him, attesting that the  ex-angel was alive. And what Dean wanted most in repeated phrases in his head, was for Castiel to wake up, talking with his so characteristic husky voice, calling for the hunter, staring at him with the beautiful pair of indigo blue spheres:  
  
“Wake up, you nerd son of a bitch.”  
  
Whispered, with fingers brushing the tip of Castiel's ear.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAND now we gonna have some fluff next chapter (finally!)
> 
> From now on, it'll be like, 8 chapters of smut and fluff xD  
> Hope you all like it ;)
> 
> As usual, leave commnets, leave kudos, tell your friends to read it! hahaha!
> 
>  
> 
> kisses everyone!


	13. Admit to yourself is the first step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here, have some fluff with these two! hahahaha!

 

In a quick blink he opened his eyes towards the motel room ceiling. He sat on the bed swiftly, looking down at his hands, then opening and closing it in search for some understanding, because Castiel had accepted the fact that he had died - this time for real.

It was only then that he realized the weight on his side. The hunter slept, sitting on a chair glued to the mattress. Half of his torso rested on the mattress and his head was holed up between both arms crossed against his face. He looked uncomfortable; whereas Castiel knew that Dean had been there just waiting for him to awake throughout the time it took.

He took a deep breath filled with the affection in his chest. His heart beat fast as before whenever he was in Dean’s presence. And knowing the hunter concern made Cas happy and sad, all together in one ball of diffuse emotions. Being mortal seemed to him more and more complicated - and also a wonderful experiment.

Fearlessly he rested the now warm fingers on Dean's shoulder, stroking him. The subtle fondness made the hunter move his arms, seeming to stretch in a cozier position until realizing what was happening. Jumping, dilating his orbs, he kept his body upright. Castiel stared, being impossible not to leave his mouth half-open. Surprise, distress, fear and relief. Each of these words turned into a huge feeling of peace affecting these brief seconds that Dean glared the former angel bluish iris again.

"Dean."

Muttered in his husky and serene tone of always, waking Dean, telling him that it was real. Cas tried to continue speaking, but was unable to say anything else as he was caught in the warm embrace of the hunter. Castiel hesitated, but finally returned his friends warm welcome. Then his face was taken away from the hug, glimpsing the nervous look in Dean:

"This time ..." - murmured the hunter, frowning in a hate mien – "This time I really thought you died. Dammit Cas!

Shouted while getting up, scratching his hand rapidly through his face:

"Why you always do that?!" – queried in fury, blaming himself for Cas’s actions.

"We’re friends Dean. Also, originally it was a part of my mission to protect you. I vowed…"

"Cu it out!" – he rampages – "Don’t give me this shit excuse! You always talk ‘bout this crap mission! About redemption! Fuck it! I can’t take this anymore!"

Kicking the chair against the wall and making it bounce on the ground; Dean sat in an armchair in front of Castiel. In the last few weeks and especially at the time Cas had been injured, Dean pondered, wonder about his mental confusion, after what the former angel told him, or rather, confessed.

Dean definitely didn’t like men. But why then he began to marvel about Castiel? About what he represented in his life? Could he compare this sensation to Sam? After the junkyard everything changed. He could not make a connection between feelings towards his brother with Castiel. It was different.　

He admitted it to himself, and then started to convince himself that it must be something related to the exchange of favors; the numerous times that Cas saved him, beyond the ones he got into trouble because of the angel. He thought of their friendship which initially Dean didn’t wanted, but eventually accepted. Unlike other angels Castiel showed what was most pure in a divine being.

No; not only that. He had become a decent human being, kind, careful, attentive. Castiel was all that. And Dean was not sure how to adapt the impressions he had of him in as a common friend, so little can he use Sam to match something. Beyond their friendship facade, further than his own preferences over the opposite sex, Dean liked Castiel, for real… More than he allowed himself to.

"You are right."

Castiel’s voice resounded as a sad melody despite the crooked smile adorning his face - this face that Dean saw and analyzed today from another angle, noticing the small dimples that molded the corner of his pulpy mouth when he smiled, and how he could see them even with the bad shaved beard on his jawline. His thick eyebrows that drew his eyes deeper. Ah! Cas's eyes have always been his greater feature. And Dean felt a stir in his stomach, noting how much he had been captivated by these crystal blue globes without even realizing it. Well, the bell ranged finally. Fucking brain that only linked the pieces now!

"You’re right Dean." – continued the former angel – "It was something beyond my mission; it has been for a while. At that moment during the hunt I could only think how unbearable would it be to watch you die."

Choking a curse, Dean jaw’s muscles stiffened showing his body tension:

"So... you think it’s alright to sacrifice yourself for me Cas?"

"Yes."

No hesitation or doubts. Castiel stated it like an oath, a prayer for anyone to hear. Dean was left wordless. His tongue remained immobile in his mouth, eyes inevitably disoriented. He blinks, drawing a long breath, searching his mind for a speech:

"I’m not..." – started with a huge effort – "It’s just… I’m not worthy it Cas. I’m nobody special." – settled, falling his shoulders in a defeat motion.

Arguing about this topic was senseless. Dean never thought he was someone important for the world or his friends. Hell, even for his family! What only matters is Sam’s safety. Even if his little brother always told him the opposite, Dean knew better that his fate was to sink deep into a dark pitch of oblivion, sooner or later. So yes, his life was not worthy being saved; not anymore, not after the wrongs he had done. Yet here was Cas, telling him all of this. How can he simply say that? And why! Why Dean lost all of his strength after hearing it? Yeah, it was because he wasn’t even worthy a fight over this issue anymore.

Across the room Cas nodded in a heavy movement of disbelief. When he opens his mouth the gesture grow slower, but it’s still there. Eyes narrowing with skepticism. His fingers land on his thighs girding it, until his joints ache. His lungs are filled with air:

"Yes you are Dean." - said in a low, wretched tone – "You are important for so many. For Sam, for me. You are a person determined to give everything and never demand something for return. You never asked your father to be proud when you obeyed his orders, and despite the anger, he was family. You never wanted Sam approval of your actions, or to be more than your little brother. And you certainly don’t talk about how much sorrow this life carries, nevertheless you endure it, because there are people in this world; the same world you saved; that needs your help."

A breath, than another, Castiel organized his thoughts as if he had plentiful praises to say about Dean but didn’t know how to continue. And the hunter just watched, feeling stripped, wondering how deeper Castiel acknowledged him; things that he never told anyone, but were in his soul – the same soul Castiel was capable of seeing before, in its total. And the former angel recognized all of it. He accepted it as Dean.

"Hear me Dean." – Castiel said, still staring him with unwavering eyes – "You _are_ important to me. You’ll always be. For me you…"

Cas stops, shaking his head again while biting his lips in a gesture so sudden and passionate, that Dean is astonished by it,by his struggle to make Dean see himself as a value person.

Rising from his chair, Dean sat on the mattress next to Castiel, there was still a good distance between them, but it gradually became a casual proximity. His fists clenched, fingers rigid; without any composure, without ideas of how to handle this man before him that actually believes in his virtues.

"Hey…" – he risks, faintly raising an arm, his hand finding only air – "Cas I…"

He doesn’t know. He still refuses to have faith in it. Although a turmoil in his inners tell Dean to trust Castiel, for his words reached a forgotten portion of the hunter – the part who still thinks that good things do happen once in a while. He breaths again:

"It's okay Cas." – says, with a sharp snort.

The hunter still does not see what the hell is so special about him, but without a question Cas does. Obviously means a lot to him, and the solemn quiet in his orbs is a genuine indication of this:

"Okay Cas, okay. I get it. And I’m sorry." - Dean completed with a small regret, trying to compensate with a joke – "You know… Harsh personality ‘n stuff. And thanks, I guess."

"You are welcome Dean."

Cas answers, and it’s just few words trapped in a single breath, however the way his shoulders collapses, the way his face becomes tenuous - is so obvious that there is more meaning on the surface of his speach that Dean is hit with bitterness, making him feels like a colossal jerk for not realizing earlier what Castiel has been saying for so long. Because, frankly, when it comes to these sensible things he’s really numb. What Castiel did for him, during all those years, was something greater than him selling his soul, it meant even more than the time when he wandered through purgatory; because even there all Castiel could think about was to protect Dean. Has always been.

So here, in this filth motel room Dean has a man, a friend, who once was an angel, who didn’t comprehended humans, this stupid, altruistic person who somehow believes that Dean Winchester is worth saving. It’s bizarre, and astonishing, but it’s his truth, or it’s what Cas is telling him, apparently. It seems so unreal the fact that someone other than his brother needs him; wants him with all he have – and Dean thinks that’s so little – however reality sometimes is a strange thing.

Then it hits him. A light appearing like a bright personal sun blinding the hunter, and finally carrying an insight into his slow brain. Dean feels himself shrink into a tiny ball of awareness, because Cas loves him. Shit ... Holy Mary mother of Jesus! Cas loves him! Castiel, a existence eons old choose him over billions of others to love with no restrains. And Dean shouldn't feel a nice tingling spreading through his body; no, he had no right to even think about accepting this feeling. Not him. However the weight of this finding affects him without restrictions, and he feels his chest burning, heart fluttering, and all past days returns to his mind with a thud, compelling him directly to Cas's words. Because losing him again was something which the hunter didn't want to deal with - ever.

What Castiel is saying is so unimaginable, and at the same time amazing, which makes everything so deep, heavy, and somehow better! Cas fucking loves him, a strict and stupid hunter, without any manners. And it’s unbelievable someone so kind like Castiel loves a disturbed, broken person. It shouldn’t matters to Dean, except it does, for someone other than his brother wants; _needs_ him, and… Oh hell, Dean is so fucked now.

"Hey."

Whispered, calling Castiel, and his hand stretched out again of its own, as if something inside Dean wanted to get near, sought to touch, despite the hunter refusal to let himself loose with someone - anyone.

"Cas." - repeated, wavering his fingers back, keeping them wobbly.

When Castiel reaches the hesitant space, Dean stiffs. What if this was a mistake? A misunderstood idea of his head amid the fragile uncertain moment? But no; it wasn't. Cas closing their distance, spreading the warmth of his body becames a dense comfort for Dean, realizing that that was exactly whatwass lacking between them. However he did not know exactly how to allow this touch without thinking too much. This: Cas's digits tracing a path on his broad shoulders, his wide and hopeful blue globes shaking with gentleness as one of his hands open rested on the top of his back, so Dean cannot help, he can't deny him, turning to one side and drawing Castiel for himself in a peculiar, desperate embrace.

"Cas…" – murmurs, ghosting his lips on Castiel’s ear – "Thank you, really. And I’m sorry; so sorry."

Sorry for all the coldness, for the days of uncertainty, for his rudeness and stupid way of being.

And Cas perceives all these words unspoken within the grip, with the heat the two shared. Taking a deep breath, Castiel seemed to scare the strangeness in the way he is pressed against Dean, approaching, rubbing tight both bodies. It melts Dean, making him wanting more of this hold, of a tenderness he so long forgot, but cherish in his guts. Because this with Cas was something similar to what he shared with Liza. It was real; it had a meaning.

However there’s a weirdness around this, that Dean didn’t know what to do, only perceiving – with a dizzy awareness – that this tenderness buried more, intended more, _was_ more intimate.

Cas's hands, stroking the tip of his neck, making the light hair up in nervousness; Castiel’s nose smelling his scent, fingers creeping up his spine in a calm way of saying this could be another thing, and Dean is allowed to have it. There is an unknown familiarity in the touch, both to Dean and Castiel - something raw, intuitive- and Dean believes in a moment of astonishment that he does not feel uncertain by its clear and direct suggestion. It may also be because even if Dean does not have any preference for dudes – not at all – the one here with him is Cas; his friend, someone familiar, who gave up everything for him; that changed his beliefs, saving the hunter countless times, always pulling him off the deep end. Suddenly, Dean knows that he desires to be closer. He wants what Castiel is willing to give.

Cas turns his face then, realizing the motion in Dean’s body; as if he could read his mind again. His mouth slid through the hunter's neck, open and hot against the soft skin, warming it up causing Dean to shivers, and at that moment all hesitation is abruptly removed. _‘Fuck!’_ \- Dean thought during a gasp - a cold vibration on his stomach - then from nowhere his hand is curving in Castiel’s jaw line, breathing faster, liking his lips, staring at Cas up close before he...

"Dammit."

Dean mutters through his teeth, this time aloud, with all air abandoning him. He closes his greenish globes, as if to hide from himself, of what he was about to do, because it was still weird his wish to do that - to kiss Cas.

When their lips clung, Castiel is petrified, grabbing the sheets as if the fabric was the only thing keeping him firmly in place.

Dean, on the other hand left any trace of uncertain empty his head. He likes Cas, he got desperate beyond limits when he almost died - again - because of him.

Castiel could give himself guiltless even if Dean continued to push him away. Then maybe it was exactly this persistence, the recognition of all the rottenness inside Dean that made him surrender to Cas; and only Cas. Because the ex-angel accepted the thorns entangled in Dean.

For no matter how far Dean sank, the angel would go with him.

It was like in the apocalypse, the journey through purgatory or when he saved Sam to redeem himself, always pure and sincere sacrifices. And it seems that it will always be.

Castiel's mouth was dry, after all, he had been unconscious for two days, but Dean was detached to this little detail, because what filled his head were very few words. _‘Wow ...’_ – sighed, lost in thought – _‘I’m really doing it? ... Kissing Cas? And it's so ... Normal and ... Amazing, just ... Wow!’._

And that seemed the best feeling of all; of the kiss that they had been exchanged in each glare before reaching their lips.

Gripping Cas’s cheeks, Dean moved his body forward, bringing more of Castiel to him, more of his mouth, his taste; kind of salty and fresh; Castiel’s thick breath quivering his face; moist warm lips lounging his in a strong pressure. _‘God!’_ \- exclaimed Dean internally, too absorbed when leaving the kiss, slowly opening his eyes, staring at the blue immensity of Castiel and his stunned expression He hardly breathed, targeting the green in Dean’s iris in a complete disorientation:

"Why?..." – queried Cas without any force in his husky voice.

On impulse, Dean held Castiel’s wrist and brought it to the middle of his chest. Cast understood nothing and then soon after opened his eyes feeling the rushed _tum, tum, tum_ , pulsating within the hunter. Incredulous, Castiel lifted his head in a contemplative state, while the hunter’s fingers involved his own over Dean’s chest:

"Dean?"

"Shut up." – replied with a chuckle – "I’m with too many inner conflicts to deal right now."

Castiel parted his lips, but stopped halfway. He looked down enjoying the little distance between them, putting his digits on Dean's plaid shirt, keeping a firm grip just below the region where it used to be the scar of his hand. Dean said nothing, just watched the careful movements Castiel made and the apprehensive motions. Everything seemed an illusion, a momentary reverie for the former angel.

Rolling his eyes, the hunter held the collar of Castiel’s withe shirt and pulled him to a new kiss. Oh yes, he wanted to kiss Cas again, and then again and again ... Damn! How he never notice before?!

Risking a new movement, Dean opened his lips, making the tip of his tongue lightly touch Cas's mouth. He returned it, leaving the wet flesh of the hunter reaches his. The vacuum formed between the kiss as the tongues touched for the first time, and Dean had enjoyed it; feeling the warmth and humidity on the insides of Castiel’s mouth. He breathed rushed, sucking into the kiss, raising his hands and stroking the dark-haired man jaw, tossing his face forward, sticking up further in Cas, beginning to swirl his tongue, feeling the sudden heat coming down from his face to the middle of the chest. Fuck! How good it was finally doing it!

Inhaling hard, Castiel allowed himself to dissolve at whatever was moving Dean to do that. God! His mouth! So ... Soft and warm, seeking space between Cas’s lips, dipping in heat. Dean’s tongue sliding over his, surrounding the flesh and even sucking it in an exhaustive meeting. It was better than what Cas imagined, what he expected! There was only Dean... _'Dean!' 'Dean!'_

"Dean!"

Gasped when the kiss ended with both seeking air. Castiel ducked his head panting, more skeptical than fatigued. The hunter rested down his fingers from Cas’s face towards the neck, lowering his forehead to find his, staying static for a while, just breathing and feeling the former angel in his hands. Castiel still strongly girded his plaid shirt, as if removing any doubts from Dean.

"Hey Dean." – called after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"What happens now?"

Between the temples still glued, Castiel softened his muscles affected by an abrupt setback. Dean could say anything: that he was caught in the moment, he was a fool or he was just in conflict. In any case scenario, Cas could only prepare for the worst. However, Dean shrugged:

"Dunno Cas. I’m no master Yoda; I have more questions than answers."

"Dean... I don’t get that reference." – he furrowed.

With a loud laugh the hunter threw back his head resting his hands on the former angel waist:

"Oh right, we have to watch Star Wars later."

Castiel just nodded, involved by Dean’s smile. Meanwhile, Cas lifted his orbs back to the hunter greenish gems. Dean sighed lost in the captivating face before him, noticing how he was betrayed by his own mind - and also stating how much he loved the extremely blue orbs of Castiel.

"Cas for now here’s the thing: we make out and see where it goes."

"’Make out?’" – repeated in surprise – "Dean… Are you implying that you want to… Kiss me again?"

The hunter smiled having fun with the naïve person Cas was:

"Yes Cas. I’m kind of trying to get used to this too, but I know what I want."

Grabbing Cas hips, Dean got closer, making room in the middle of Castiel's thighs to his own waist invade its space, sealing a new kiss. Cas sighed as he shut his eyes. He was lost, doomed. Because Dean wanted more of this, kissing, hugging and saying all those things.

It could be for a short time. He could get tired of it tomorrow or in a few weeks. But it didn’t matter. Castiel would drink each of these precious seconds and save them in memory; Dean’s flavor, his tightening fingers over the fabric of his blouse, the smell of his body rising, and the hot breath beating against his face, all the heating.

  
Together the hearts tremble, beating in rhythmic and Castiel held to this pulsating drum, bringing his chest to Dean’s, holding his shoulders as the hunter’s mouth lowered inside his. Tongues struggling, hot saliva going from side to side and the two remained together as long as they could stand without breathing.

Dean smacked his lips a few times in quick brushes before ending the kiss. Castiel seemed to be in heaven – Dean laughed with himself in the midst of the analogy.

"It’s eight." – observed, going backwards – "Sam went to the diner, I’m gonna meet him and bring something for you to eat."

"Thank you."

Castiel smiled genuinely cheerful and Dean stopped, just looking at his pleased face, getting lost again in that serene mien. _‘Damn.’_ He thought biting the inside of his mouth and rising – unwilling - before he could not hold the urge to kiss Cas again.  
  
Alone in the room, Castiel immersed in a whirlwind of excitement and fear. He picked up a pillow lying back in bed, and stuck the pad on his face before someone could see the redness spreading to his ears.

Yep, he was screwed. Castiel was completely lost.

　

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked their first kiss ;)
> 
> For now, they will be exploring their new relationship status, so we'll have, like, six to eight chapters of fluff, smut and porn. hahaha
> 
> I'm thrilled to write the porn! (my mind is lost -_____-)
> 
> Anyway, see you guys soon!
> 
> Comments and kudos maybe?


	14. "We’re two fucking idjits"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff, fluff, fluffyyy!

　

When Dean came back to the room accompanied by Sam, Castiel already got out from under the pillow. He took a bath to shake off the laziness - and the awful smell – from the last two days, and since he still had only few things, he grabbed some of Dean’s clothes, after all, Sam was bigger than him. And Dean, well, he noted right away his black Led Zeppelin shirt, but chose to ignore it before his mind drifted away:

"Cas! It’s good to see you up!" – Sam said, giving him a quick hug with one arm.

"Thank you Sam." – replied giving two pats on his shoulder - "Yes, it is something pleased to be ... Awaken."

Both smiled, but Sam knew the unseen implication in that sentence, the same he did since he'd seen Cas alive: what happened? How? Dean refused to go into details with Sam, and he also thought it’s best not to insist for now. The hunter was in a unique anguish condition, and Sam saw Dean's sorrow condition, staying next to Castiel’s bed during those two days. Were it not for Sam to pick on him to take care of himself, Dean would have been there static - without eating or sleeping.

"Cas, man you gonna love this! Sam bought burgers." – said Dean not perceiving their questionable stares.

The mention of food made Cas’s stomach growl. Clearing his throat, he approached the table pulling a chair. He wanted answers as much as Sam, but one thing at a time. First, let’s solve the problem of this hole in the middle of his belly.

The three ate dinner as good carnivores without much talk; only mouths full and the sound of soda being pulled through straws. Castiel stopped in the third burger, realizing how hungry he was. Leaned back in his chair more than satisfied.

"Dude, I’m gonna sleep so happy tonight."

Dean ran his hand over his belly, stretching his arms in the air while yawning. In his distraction, Cas and Sam traded a knowing look. They lacked answers, and it was up to the youngest of the Winchesters get started with the wheel of inquiries, trying to exploit the good humor of his brother:

"Hey Dean." – called, settling back in his chair, shaking hands in front of him – "Do you know ... How did ‘everything’ happened? At the farm?"

"What’d you mean Sam?" – refuted, trying to escape the conversation.

However this didn’t work with Castiel:

"I died, Dean."

He abruptly stated, with the attention going focused on him. Dean's eyes got that serious and dismayed glow, following the movement of the jaw tensing – like when he is confronted and words absents from him.

Sam globes fixed on his brother, waiting for a response. And Dean, well, he had little thought about it, because his concern was with Castiel only. Still, he knew that sooner or later he would have to give an explanation for the two. And the truth was not an option. However, maybe half-truth was better than nothing. Yes, that was the solution arranged by the hunter. Turning his face, Dean shrugged, lowering the corners of his mouth:

"Yes Cas, you died." - spoke choppy, with memories still causing nausea – "You died protecting me, so what you thought I’d did? Stop and clap?!"

"You called someone…" – stated Cas, ducking his chin.

Sam pressed his lips consenting with the small deception in Castiel, but he also considerate his brother desperation:

"Yeah, I prayed for a fucking angel, okay?!"

"Even after what I asked Dean? No contracts or agreements..."

"Cas you’re dying; in my arms man, because of me!" – shouted almost lifting – "I couldn’t; I wouldn’t let you die Cas! I can’t!"

It was enough conflict for a day. Dean got up from the table in a jolt, walking to the door and 'locking' himself in the motel hallway. He rubbed his face, sick of the ball of lies tangled in his throat. However, he still needed to keep the secret; at least for now, until Sam recovers fully from the consequences of the trials.

Rising from his chair, Castiel stopped before reaching the door with Sam's hand holding his arm:

"Let me talk to him Cas."

The former angel opened his mouth and closed it then, assenting with Sam. He was still somewhat weak, and Cas preferred make it back to sitting down. He can talk to Dean after he came back, and Sam, well, he knew easily how to handle his brother crises.  
  
The hunter stayed near the room, of course, he never would walk away from Castiel any time soon. He stood next to the door, analyzing anything in the vastness of the night at the motel parking lot. Few cars, few people and almost no noise. It would be a perfect evening, if it wasn’t the typical expression of criticism _angry-bride -he-left-me-on-the-altar_ \- according to Dean - which Sam was making.

Keeping his hands in the pockets of the black jacket, Dean made it clear he wasn’t moving from where he was. He stood with his back against the wall; the top of the head touching the cold concrete, and small dense cloud of air formed in front of his nose due to a drop in temperature.

A little more than three foots away, Sam stopped, compressing his lips, warming his fingers by rubbing them on each other:

"Dean…"

"Drop it Sam."

"Listen to me"

"No! You’ll start your ‘mister of reasons’ speech and I’m not in the mood to hear mommy complaining."

"Dean, I get what you did, honestly." – said, going one step closer to his brother, both hands drifting in the air – "I probably would’ve done the same thing. But Dean, with this entire situation with the angles…"

"I hold Cas dead on my arms, Sam."

Interrupted, turning his torso towards Sam. Globes olive green, similar to Dean’s, hovered over him in a visible bitterness after hearing it:

"But this was different." – continued Dean, voice hesitating – "Cas is human now, and it was over… The blood, the cut in his chest. You didn’t see him up close like I did, you don’t know!" – he snapped his tongue, sighing – "It was over Sammy."

The mention of his nickname made Sam abate his shoulders, arching his eyebrows sadly. The soft tone in Dean indicated one thing: he followed unsettle by the recent events; by Cas’s near-death. And Sam really understands how the former angel was important to his brother, how hard it had been to see him taking the blow from that creature, especially after these past weeks, and the not so friendly discussion at the bar about Castiel.

Dean was always the soldier, strong and fearless brother, but not at times like this; not today. For two days Castiel’s recovery was uncertain, two days Dean remained beside the bed waiting and waiting; two days of sleepless nights followed by nightmares; Sam knew were prowling in the mind of his brother. Nodding, Sam shoved his hands in his pockets. He shrugged, shaking his head:

"Okay Dean, I get it. I swear. You’re right, it had to be done."

Dean continued reclined against the wall, staring at the floor. He did not need Sam's endorsement to know that he had done right - far from it. If his brother came with some silly sermon, Dean would tell him to fuck off. He did what he did for Cas, and would do it again. However, at least the benefit of the doubt Sam gave him. And in the end, Dean knew he was the one who was most in fault with his little brother.

"But there’s still something." – continued, resting next to Dean on the wall.

"What is it Sam?"

"This angel… Who is him?"

Dean’s orbs rose quickly over his brother - staring through his eyes, deep inside, where Ezekiel rested without interfering. He could not risk Sammy’s life ... Dodging the bullet, the hunter took a quick sniff, twisting his mouth down as he shook his shoulders:

"He didn’t tell me his name, just that he heard my prayer and was neutral in the war."

"Just it? Then he saved Cas?"

Dean rolled his eyes, hating the ‘lawyer’ interrogatory:

"Sam, not everyone wants to kill Cas!" - exclaimed – "He just told me that; that he had nothing to do with this war, and that he would help, but that I shouldn’t count on him next time! That's it!"

"Okay Dean."

Dean's defenses were raised. Sam knew very well how stubborn he could be, even more if it were something related about what happened on the farm – it would be impossible to talk with all still so fresh in memory, with the wound still open. No, Sam needed to wait a little longer before pressing his brother.

However, there was some truth in his words, the youngest noticed. Yes, an outcast angel helped; a neutral who does not hate Castiel. But about his name ... Some of them liked to remain anonymous, that was no surprise. But Sam recognized in Dean’s sentence that he knew more than revealed.

"Anyway, you did right to save Cas, and that’s all that matters."

Rubbing his hands together again, Sam put them in his mouth, giving quick hot blows, pacing away from the wall:

"Now, Dean; it’s better to explain this to Cas too, he should be concerned, especially with your safety."

"Mine?" – queried, furrowing his brow.

"Of Course! We don’t know who this angel is; he may as well want something in return, and you will be the first on his list. It’s not obvious that Cas is concerned?"

Oh hell! Dean had not thought of that! Knowing Castiel as he knew, the former angel always think more about Dean than himself - regardless of whether was Cas who almost died.

"I’m gonna grab some coffee downstairs. You… Go talk to Cas, Dean."

Sam leaves, turning his back almost laughing. Ah! If Dean could see how his face became milder at the mention of Cas! But Dean pretended not to mind the subtle strategy exit of Sam; or simply had not noticed.

But all it took was the youngest to be down the stairs for to Dean leave the hall right way, going into the room. Cas looked up to him from across the bedroom, remaining seated in a chair near the window, where he watched the first snowflakes falling.

"Hey." - It was the only word Dean could remember. Genius.

"Hello Dean. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, uh… You know Sam. Talking too much and stuff."

Cas gave a wry smile analyzing the cautious movements Dean made around the room. Removing his coat, the hunter dropped it on the table, walking towards Castiel. He sat on the edge of the bed, getting face to face with the former angel:

"You know Cas ..." – began, leaning his torso forward, resting both elbows on his legs; hands dangling between them –"Its ‘bout that night on the farm."

Without making any mention to interrupt him, Cas continued staring, wide open blue orbs, following the uncertain movement of the emerald irises. Clearing his throat - after getting lost in Cas’s eyes - Dean continued:

"I know what you asked me when ..." – stopped with a long sigh, wanting to erase Cas’s bloody pictures – "Uh ... you know. But ... I just ... I couldn’t Cas, I was not going to see you die and stand still, that's why ..."

Palming his hand on Dean's leg, Castiel stirred him from the torpor. Just then the hunter noticed how deep his nails dug on his wrist, leaving red marks on the skin. Only a mere allusion of the subject was enough to shake Dean’s structures. Oh, yes, everything was still too fresh.

"Dean I understand."

Spoke Cas putting his hand on Dean’s, stopping the pinch of the fingers on his skin. Cas would let go eventually, but it was Dean who didn’t want to leave the warmth of Castiel’s hand out of his palm, keeping their fingers together on the top of his leg.  
  
And Castiel really comprehends the actions of the hunter; after all, he had done the same for Dean on the farm, by placing in front of the entity.

"My only concern is the war." – continued the former angel – "I fear some of my… Ex-brothers attempt something that afflicts Sam… Or you."

Paused, emphasizing the end of the sentence: ‘ _I fear for you, Dean’_ ; that was the intent in his words. Maybe, caring more about one of the brothers - taking into account what happened between them a few hours ago - was selfishness. Cas cared about Sam just as much as he cared about Dean, but the feelings that led to these concerns were ... Distinguished. And this made Castiel’s worries unequal.

"Cas, with all respect, I’m not giving a fuck to this war.; I only care about my family. Sam… And you."

Ah! He did it! Dean had done the same as Cas! Saying the last syllable in a slow, rhythmic beat, speaking the lines that even the former angel figure out: _‘My feelings are the same as yours, Cas’._

Dean’s words broke darting around the small distance, without the hunter divert any attention from Castiel, keeping all attention fixed in his globes. And it was Cas who could not stand the solid weight of this statement, having to look down in an attempt to disguise the half smile adorning his face.

But Dean noted, and he didn’t allow the former angel to escape so easily. Cupping his chin between his thumb and forefinger, Dean lifting Cas’s face, as his mouth came forward; eyes closed to lean his lips over Castiel. It was like they hadn’t kissed earlier, because the amazement struck both. Castiel trembled his hands over Dean’s without even realizing, taking advantage of this new affection that was indefinitely wanted. With a smacking kiss, the hunter moved away releasing Cas's face. God, he could be the roughest guy in the world, but even Dean was not able to be one hundred percent stable when he was ... When he liked someone.

Then his actions and gestures came out of nowhere in the middle of his impulsivity, such as holding Cas’s chin to kiss him, or allow the binding of hands like an idiot teenager:

"Man, this is still so fucking weird." – said, with a crocked smile.

"What do you mean, Dean?"

"Just... That us... Uh, you know? Kissing ‘n stuff."

"Do you regret it?"

"No." – replied not even needing to think – "No, Cas... I’m not stupid, okay? I can be a lot of things, but not stupid. It’s just a little, uh... Unbelievable, yet something good, I guess."

Cas agreed shaking his head from side to side, landing his globes on the floor – on the dirty green carpet, but that brought security for he didn’t need to face the hunter eyes:

"I… For me is also strange Dean."

"Why?" – asked, arching one eyebrow.

"Because I never thought you would correspond."

"Well, like I said, I’m not stupid."

"Perhaps a little slow." – replied.

"A little slo-okay, I’m gonna punch you, you son of a bitch."

Cas smiled; advancing an hesitant kiss against Dean. The hunter received it, putting his fingers on Cas’s neck, them urging him to do more, at a meeting of tongues. Cas parted his lips, consent Dean to invade into a dense and warm kiss, heating his icy chest due to the monumental cold installed at the end of the day. Castiel palmed his hands on Dean's knees, and was thus still afraid of how and where to touch the hunter - despite that the words had given him more certain about ... About whatever they had begun to share tonight. Maybe, thought Cas, this would be his most painful and perfect human memory of all. Despite the injury he received, or the distress felt for being targeted by the entity, Castiel could have Dean, and that, ah! That was something which the former angel thought is worth dying for - or almost, in this case.

Since Dean had experience of sexual territory for the two even for the afterlife, he didn’t have to think; and merely acted, guided by his impulses. Which was what he did by placing his hand on Cas's waist making him crawl forward on the chair, turning the kiss in an intimate and relaxed touch. With a slight sigh, Castiel let himself be carried away by Dean oscillations, copying the movements that the hunter's tongue did over his. And now it was Cas who heard a low growl escaping Dean’s throat.

In a gasp for air, Cas brought his mouth back, being followed by Dean in a quick kiss. The world stopped halfway, eyes still closed, swallowing hard. He put his hands on Cas's, neck stroking the thin skin there.

He opened his eyelids, and Dean tensed his jaw when seeing the stunned expression in Castiel, lips swollen and moist with fresh saliva over them. These lips belonging to his best friend, to other man, someone he allowed to enter his reclusive life and filling an old fissure forgotten by Dean.

However, now, the hunter could not imagine this place filled by anyone else.

Dean laughed at himself, of these crazy ideas so ingrained in his mind, obscure and ignored, which gradually began to make perfect sense in the world for him. And to think it took so long - years - to finally sink in; for him and Cas to comprehend each other...

"We’re two fucking idjits..."

Dean spoke, stretching the corners of his mouth, followed by a simple smile from Castiel.

 


	15. I look for an excuse

 

 

With all settled in the city, the trio only needed to replenish the impala and head back on the road. They decided to stock up on a few things for the trip in addition to replacing other car items, which would take the whole afternoon, since they slept until ten. After all, with the recent problems, they deserved a good night's sleep. None remembered the last time they stayed up so long in one place. It was fun - in part.

"Thank you for everything."

Louis was recovering from his broken jaw. He wore a bandage around the face, but still retained his youthful features, black eyes shining now, and his hair still ruffled won a new cut, making him appears older.

"Will you be fine?" - asked Castiel, also mending from the recent events.

"Yes. Some school friends came to visit me in the hospital and I also have distant relatives, that has nothing to do with my family. They said they will keep an eye on for a while, after all, I will be eighteen in a few days."

"The farm is now in your name, right?" - questioned Sam.

"I'll sell it. I don’t want anything to remind me my life of three days ago."

"That’s good kiddo." – concluded Dean.

Louis smiled already less intimidated by Dean’s presence. He stretched his lips to Castiel, but ended the staring after hearing Dean coughing and snapping his neck. Okay there was some dangerous insinuation in those actions, and Louis thought its best to cut the visual approach from Cas. Sam saw everything, just smiling to himself - Dean was impossible.

And, well, Louis had already ‘disenchanted’ over Castiel, at least from the part related to its affection to the former angel, realizing how childish and stupid was to depend so much on the acceptance and nurturing of another person. Louis believed he had a miserable life, and after being saved by the hunters, he just let himself emerge in the quiet presence of Cas – so the boy realizes that this previous fondness was more a lack of attention.

After all the problems and finally setting free, the boy noticed that the three hunters were dear to him; Cas with his thoughtful way, Dean’s brutality, but worried about ending the reign of his family, and Sam who defeated the creature.

In those days, Sam also had shown him an endless collection of books, teaching him a few things about the world of hunting. He amused himself in these small moments with the youngest Winchester; and they liked to be holed up in the library. Also because, with the turmoil in his life, he barely had time to make friends. However this would change - this time for better.

"Louis, here; in case you need help again." - 　Sam said extending a paper with his number, seeing the boy open a quick grin

"Thank you. I ... Would it be strange if I sent you, you know, some messages while I arrange myself? I don’t have many people to talk about what happened without sounding crazy."

"No Louis, I'd be happy to hear from you." – Said with a short laugh.

"Really?"

"Really." – concluded Sam, returning the boy's smile.

Louis put the paper in his wallet pressing it well - afraid of losing his contact with the hunters, and thanked them again.

The four parted, leaving Louis on his way to school. It was his last year, and after the madness of his mother he could finally live that moment. As for Rick, Louis's father was arrested and then transferred to a psychiatric clinic. Aggressive disorder and hallucinations attributed to the disappearance of his wife. What a cruel fate.

Later, during lunch Sam realized the calm mood between his brother and Cas. Talking normally and even joking, noting the fact that Castiel understands some of Dean’s references. Perhaps the fear of almost losing the former angel caused the end of fights and arguments. The three were a family and they must be together.

"I still want to go to the market, things are cheaper here." - Sam said.

"Man, trying to do shopping list for the house too?" - Dean mocked.

"Don’t be sarcastic or I don’t buy your pie."

"Hey! Never joke ‘bout the pie!"

"The pie is a very serious matter for Dean, Sam."

Amazed, Dean and Sam laughed with Castiel's joke.

"Okay, I buy the damn pie. But I better be rewarded later!"

"I let you pick a movie."

"Deal."

"But no romance stuff!"

Laughing, the three realized it was already mid-afternoon, feeling better to finish stocking the impala at once. They would have only three more hours in that motel, and Dean thought its best to buy a snack for the evening trip:

"Common Sam, I’m destroyed!"

Dean pushed his brother out of the room using a childish voice:

"You know I’m tired too?"

"But it’ll be just a sec! You buy our dinner and bring to us! We eat, then leave, and life is like a dream come true!"

Huffing, Sam gave up, grabbing his wallet.

"Okay, stop it! I’m going, cut the drama."

"Thanks Sam. Ah! Don’t forget the freaking pie."

Rolling his eyes Sam left the room going to the impala. Not a chance he was walking to the diner. Although something in his mind told him he wouldn’t want to come back any time soon. Sam shrugged. Must be just his impression.

Stretching his arms, Dean jumped into bed fixing her pillow almost falling asleep. Until he realized he was alone with Castiel. He didn’t say anything to Sam about them and, well, thought its best to wait a bit longer before exploding his brain out.

"Dean I will go to take a shower."

"Ah, okay."

Castiel left the hunter’s vision locking the bathroom door, and Dean just realized that he followed him with his eyes.

Sighing, he covers his face with his arms getting immersed in questions he asked himself over and over. He wanted to kiss Castiel again. However it was difficult to start an approach from nowhere. Last night he allowed the moment to take care of these details, but now that he decided, finally, what he really wanted with Cas ... Ah! He got impatient just thinking about it!

Perhaps it was their proximity. In a night out Dean spoke little with women. He just needed to know enough to take them to bed. But with Castiel ... They were closer, had a history together. It was something strangely good at the same time it caused a convulsion in Dean's stomach as if he didn’t eat for days.

He tried to imagine endless possibilities or even excuses that lead him to Cas. Nothing came to his head, and Dean mentally cursed the situation.

He heard the door beside him unlock turning his face, meeting Cas coming out of the bathroom. The hot smoke followed him along with a soap smell. The still wet body dripped a few beads of water; sticking in the light-blue shirt he wears.

"Dean I…"

Cas spoke and the hunter swallowed, lost in his sheepish expression, wanting him to finish the sentence, to say something that Dean was still not sure how to start:

"What’s the matter Cas?" – queried, after seconds of silence.

"I require your help."

"For what?" – rising his eyebrows, Dean lifted from the bed, getting near to the former angel.

Scratching one side of his face, Castiel lead his eyes to Dean’s, removing the towel from the top of his head and hanging it around his neck:

"I need to… Shave, but I’m yet not used to the blade. I keep cutting myself."

"Oh… Ah!" – exclaimed sympathetic – "You want me to teach you?"

"If possible."

In a quick smile, Dean shook his head pulling a chair. Really, nothing had changed with them. The oddity from last night should end there. What was happening between the two was an unusual novelty, yet desired by both.

"Sit here." – said Dean tapping the chair.

Cas did, handing him the razor and the shaving foam. Dean held both pressing the valve from the pipeline, spilling white cream on one hand:

"The secret my friend, is to use the right amount of cream, or you’ll cut yourself."

"Alright."

Castiel listen everything as if it were the most important lesson of the world. At first he thought it would be he who would walk through the 'process' while hearing the explanations, however Dean wanted to do that; run his fingers lightly over Castiel's jaw spreading the cream, moving his hand in a tenderness over the beard. He finished the first side watching Cas's face, seeing if the foam was leveled. Then the fingertips slowly followed the chin to the left of his face, where Dean did the same thing. At last, the hunter slowly smoothed Castiel's neck; making it clear he was staring at his lips the whole time - those fleshy and tasty lips he had kissed.

Strongly holding the blade razor, Dean rested a hand gently on the Cas’s chin holding it up, gradually turning his face to the necessary directions, scraping the blade through the skin carefully.

"You need to shave slowly with the same pressure or you’ll end with everything uneven."

"Hm."

It was the only response from Cas, since his mandible was trapped in Dean's hand, but also because of the nervous proximity. Castiel noticed when the hunter knee came between his legs, touching the top of his thigh - and the fact that Dean did not retract from the sudden touch. The blood boiled running to all directions of Castiel’s body, and he had to stick his hands on the fabric of his pants, or he would end up showing to Dean how happy he got over such a small detail, these brief intimate contact that did not happen among them.

Following the movements of his hand Dean gazed the path made by the razor blade through Cas’s face. So delicate and gentle it delineate his features, going from the jawline to the chin, then to the region right below his cheeks until coming above his upper lip, where Dean take longer than necessary, enjoying the vision he had of Cas’s mouth. He went with his torso forward not even noticing that only scarce inches separated them, intoxicated by the smell of the cream mixed into the musk scent of Castiel. Faintly licking his own lips, Dean returned to his place on the edge of the mattress, ‘cause he still needed to finish the shaving or the former angel would have only one side done.

"Well, I think this is it."

Said after long and endless twenty minutes of torture – of this restrained proximity. Cas raised his hand to rub his face feeling the smooth skin, yet with a thin layer of stubble.

"Now you look less like shit."

Mocked Dean seeing the brief confusion in Castiel being quickly replaced by his comprehension of the joke. Dean smiled grabbing the towel to remove the foam from his neck.

And that was it. It’s his limit, caressing Castiel face with just a thin cloth, touching his jaw slowly, seeing the tiny motion of veins pulsing in his throat.

Castiel tossed his head backwards waiting for Dean to finish the cleaning, then he heard a sign, and the sound of a bed cracking – Dean’s chest reclining further as his mouth ghosted carefully over the fresh neck smelling of mint, placing a bland kiss right below his chin.

With a groan, Cas removed his hands from his thighs, palming them on Dean’s, squeezing the jeans. He closed his eyes while Dean went back, watching Castiel. Well, if the hunter wanted an excuse that was it.

Dean hover his eyes to Castiel, getting lost again on those blue gems. Fuck! How they could be so… Fascinating! Dean barely manages to keep lucid with Cas – the craving to touch him eating his inners.

Bending his torso, Dean smacked a quick kiss. Cas remained static, staring the hunter with a muddled mien. Another smack came, this time taking longer. Dean’s hand slide from his neck to cup his face, and Castiel couldn’t help closing his eyes.

"Dean…" – called when they parted, and then the towel fell on the floor.

Without air Castiel felt his tongue being sucked. The former angel was pulled from the chair by the collar, ending up on top of Dean in the bed. The hunter’s hands glued in his waist while Castiel hugged Dean’s shoulders. In a jolt, the hunter lifted a leg on one side of Castiel, making him turn, and now his weight was over Cas, sunk between his thighs – his navel touching the former angel pelvis.

Roving his tongue over Castiel’s, Dean wondered how did he never noticed before this desire to kiss him almost bursting with so obviousness. Now, already awake for this truth, all he could think about was how he wanted to feel more of Cas, of his wobbly mouth following the movements of his lips, strong hands clinging to his plaid shirt wherever they drown into the kiss.

And the strangest thing was this: he never kissed another man, had no idea that there was this ... Inclination. However Dean just loved when Castiel stubble brushed against his face, especially now with the softness around it.

 _‘God! So good!’_ \- he thought, stirring his torso. He moved one leg up, separating the smaller one thighs, whereupon the two intercalated on the bed. Cas perfume rose altogether with a moan, and the hunter thought that was the most wonderful sound he ever heard.

Gridding his fingers over the fabric of his shirt, Dean got annoyed by the amount of cloths. He slipped his hands under the hem of his shirt, slowly rising to the middle, stopping at the height of the ribs. Castiel's skin was hot and so sleek. He felt the buds of his abdomen, not getting bothered with the strong muscles of this male body - as he thought he would. But on the contrary: everything seemed natural, correct.

Castiel throw his head back without air, releasing Dean's mouth. The hunter, however, was just commencing. He lowered his lips to Castiel’s jawbone with tiny smacks and then sucked the white skin of his Adam’s apple, leaving delicate red marks.

"Hm! Dean!" – grunted, feeling an ardor budding on his chest.

The hunter lifted his head facing the plead demeanor in Cas – as if he wanted to go further, but had no idea how to ask.

Panting, Dean got lost in Castiel’s watery eyes, licking his own lips, oh, so unhurriedly. In an unexpected way, Dean wanted more… More of Cas.

Biting the inside of his mouth, Dean ghosted the moist lips, where he rubbed his tongue throughout its length surrounding the pulpy flesh, urging him, making Castiel breathe erratically.

His chest swelled in a high speed. So many feelings running through his body! Castiel could not believe it; that Dean was so close, touching, kissing, wanting him! It was too much!

Rising both hands behind Dean’s back, Cas grabbed the collar of his shirt pulling it down. The hunter's arms dangled behind such was the strength from the former angel, as the blouse was following the movement of the cringing material slipping until the plaid shirt end up in some corner on the floor. Dean was only with a black shirt of one of his favorite bands, and Castiel could clearly see the details on Dean's chest; pecs trained expanding in every uncontrolled breathing, where his heart was beating fast.

Cas's eyes roamed the extension of skin in his shoulders as if to imprint each detail of it. Sliding his hands through Dean’s arms, Castiel put his fingers underneath the sleeve. For the hunter was like an electric wave running through the tip of Cas’s digits reaching every nerve through the skin. In a grunt of satisfaction, Dean dropped his body against the former angel not enduring a second without feeling him, and smacked Castiel's lips in a new kiss. Hovering one hand from the waist to his neck, he cupped his fingers between Cas’s jaw and ear, feeling the strands of black hair skidding in his phalanges.

Why the hell Dean never did it before? Right, okay, he knew very well why.

Let’s see, Dean Winchester, stud of all women on Earth, suddenly, is hugging, kissing, grabbing, _making out_ with Castiel in every possible way. Yes, it was an interesting… Shock. Yet it seemed so good and right.

It wasn’t a merely desire for Cas’s body – it was his existence as a whole. The former angel made the impossible: break the solid stone covering Dean’s emotions.

The hunter buried his open lips on Castiel, sucking the tongue for himself. The hot air escaped from the vacuum of mouths, but Dean didn’t want to let go, not even to breath. He palmed one hand in Cas’s tight lifting the leg fitting in his waist, straddling him.

Abruptly, he remembered Cas bloody body on his lap as he spoke his last words… _‘Let me go…’_

He would never do it, it was impossible to imagine waking up every day not seeing Castiel with him and Sam. The former angel conquered a unique space in their lives; and now the hunter knew very well which place it was.

He would never let him go.　

The flesh on Cas’s tongue melted like silk swirling around his, twisting on the open-mouth kisses. Dean lips enclosed his completely, and even if Cas wanted to breathe, he couldn’t. Feeling the warmth coming from Dean destroyed his forces. Both legs became wobbly, as Castiel was still in disbelief; his belly was trapped by Dean’s hands imprisoning him in place, lifting his pelvis to meet his, rubbing the two bodies underneath the amount of clothes.

Castiel looped his arms around Dean's neck as had his nape thrown back such was the hunter anguish to kiss him. Lowering his fingers to Dean’s chest he scratched over the blouse surface making the hunter sink in another kiss. Saliva ran down his jaw, but Castiel wanted more, more of Dean and his body; whatever he can get, in all possible ways!

The lips loosened, popping from each other by the demand for air. Cas inhaled deeply, wanting to ask something, whether what they were doing was right, if they should surrender so abruptly - if the hunter was sure he desired Castiel.

And Dean doesn’t want to listen; doesn’t want to hear any doubts. He only longed for Cas now and there.

In desperation, Dean dragged his mouth through his chin licking the skin. He kissed the collarbone, sliding one hand up, resting if on Cas’s spine. In a quick push Dean made the former angel arch his back opening his throat to him. He slurped there, making new red marks show up while noticing, as his thigh lifted in the V of Castiel’s groin the bulge in his lower belly, hard and stiff under the jeans. Not knowing exactly why the idea of seeing him naked provoked a delightful thrill in his spine.

Sliding his digits over Cas’s ribs to his abdomen in a lewd slow motion, he pierces the fingers on the hem of his trousers giving a small tug in the thick fabric, tightening it around his waist and his swollen length.

And Castiel moaned.

 _‘God!’_ – Dean thought enjoying the grunts and puffs Castiel made.

What was he doing? It was another men body, it’s smell, it’s touch! Still Dean was excited over limits! _‘Cas!’_ – screamed the name in his mind as he felt into kissing, and more, and more – _‘Cas! Ah fuck!’_

Descending both hands over Cas's waist, Dean slid to the his two round fleshy skin, clutching his ass. In a muffled groan, Cas turned his face, being again attacked by Dean and his wantonly tongue nibbling his neck, just below the ear, in a so sensitive place - soon discovered by the hunter.

From the jeans they felt both volumes rubbing, emerging on a brute rigidity, almost painful such was the will to surrender entirely to one another.

"D-Dean! You sure… You want this?" – babbled Castiel with a rough and firm voice.

The hunter stopped, intoxicated with his provocative tone. Barely he knew how tempting he became by allowing his grating voice vibrate out his throat. _‘This son of a bitch.’_ Thought Dean.

"Shut up Cas!" – said, seeking for control. 　

"W-what?"

Sighing, Dean almost laughed with his confused look:

"Dammit." – he chuckled – "Your voice, your smell, it’s making me! Urg!" – grunted not knowing what else to do.

"Is it a bad thing Dean?"

The hunter stretches his lips shaking his head, kissing him:

"Far from that."

Castiel then grinned with him, caressing the light hair of Dean, bringing him down to a new desperate kiss. Chests bumped on one another, causing the first drops of sweat to form due the boiling proximity of bodies, soaking their shirts.

The sound coming from the parking lot alerted them, making both remember something fundamental: they were not alone in that room.

"Shit!" – Dean shouts right in time, getting away from the bed, fixing his creased shirt. How could they forget about Sam?!

Ah, well, they were too busy making out.

"Sorry, the line as big at the diner."

Sam entered the room seeing a huge distance between Dean and Castiel, besides the tension installed in the air.

"Did I miss something?" – he asks, apprehensive.

"Nothing, where’s the food?" – Dean grabbed the bag, placing everything on the table.

"Right." – Sam concluded thinking the two were acting very suspicious, but choose to back off, going to the bathroom to wash his hands.

Castiel approached the table to take his plate. He got a little disappointed with the culmination of things, but what to do? They couldn’t go forward, not with Sam there.

And Dean put his head in place after going with the flow. Well, not him neither Cas slept with a man before. They were sure about it? Would they know what to do, how to do? They were hallucinated by each other that both forgot this questions – and they were important ones.

Turning towards Castiel he faced blue eyes. The former angel stared him back and, in this small instant, Dean perceived how much those orbs captivated him.

Doubts? Yes, they still existed; the disorder inside Dean was big. However, stronger was his desire – burning from every curve of his being, expanding, finally, after refrained for so long.

In a quick motion, Dean grasped Castiel’s waist making him turn for a kiss. The hunter grabbed his thighs pressing his fingers on the jeans, as Cas holds the hem of his trousers. Dean panted, letting Cas go:

"We have to keep calm." – said Dean, still holding Castiel.

"Alright." – agreed, caressing his leg.

"Next time I wanna be alone with you Cas."

Blue orbs hover in his. They stared for a while, knowing that in the words not said where the certain that mutually they wanted this, and in the certainty installed there, in the not-proclaimed settlement, Castiel smiled:

"Me too, Dean."

When they parted, Sam left the bathroom questioning the visible improvement in the mood - and even more the goofy smile on his brother face; Cas disguised a lot better than the hunter.

Sam shrugged, wondering if it was still necessary to go forward with the idea of locking them in the Bunker.

Oh well, he thought it’s best not to think about it too much, or his brain would fry. He needed a drink. Sam picked up his dinner sitting on the bed, and distracting from the new happy little world of Dean and Castiel, he took his phone. There was a new message on it.

 

　

**Sam’s messages - 09/12/2014**

 

**Louis C.:**

Hey Sam! Just sending you my number! (16:13)

**You:**

Okay Louis. Feeling better? (17:23)

**Louis C.:**

Yes! The pain on my chin is a lot better! (17:25)

**You:**

He, that’s good. (17:26)

**Louis C.:**

You guys still in town? (17:26)

**You:**

Yes, we’re gonna leave later, after diner,go for a night trip. (17:26)

**Louis C.:**

Okay! Wish you guys a nice trip! (17:27)

**You:**

Thank you Louis, we talk later! (17:27)

**Louis C.:**

Bye Sam! (17:27)

　

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Late update, I know! But I had few time this past weeks, but I hope you guys enjoy these two making out ;)
> 
> More smut on the chapters to come!  
> See ya!


	16. We don’t need a third wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there's any mistakes, I kinda hurried the chapter to be ready soon!
> 
> Hope you guys like it! kisses!

 

The return trip would take two days since Dean had discovered a shortcut on the road. They would be back to the Bunker soon; however, the hunter could barely endure. He had to ask Cas to stay in the back seat, or he would go crazy just by feeling his presence at his side - being unable to touch him.

They stopped at a gas station in the late afternoon to refuel. The three in the car talking, distracted with the sound of Metallica songs.

“Dean your music taste for travels…” – Sam remarked a little annoyed.

“It calms me down!”

“Whatever. I’m going to the bathroom.”

 Attested Sam getting out of the car, leaving Castiel and Dean there. The hunter took a deep breath laying his head on the bench, his neck thrown back. He rubbed his face, after all, he’d drive for good seven hours without stopping. And a boring pain in the middle of the forehead made him restless.

“Are you alright Dean?”

Castiel asked tilting his torso forward. His chin rested on the leather seat, and his cheek almost stuck with Dean’s. The hunter opened one eye through the cracks of his fingers to look at him. In a snap, Cas thought he was again acting within the old habits molds, getting too close to Dean, starting to retract his body. But before that, Dean’s hand reached up his face bringing him closer. He glued his lips slightly, beginning to straighten in the front seat in order to better achieve Cas's face.

Castiel hit his chest in the back of the front seat, gripping Dean’s buttons shirt. Grabbing the fabric, pulling the hunter, feeling the tip of his fingers lightly touching his ear. Cas growled, opening his lips to receive Dean's tongue.

In a quick breath, Dean let go of Cas, keeping his forehead pressed on his. The memories of the previous day invaded his mind, making him dizzy just by thinking about Castiel and ... Oh! How he wanted to stay alone with him! Just enjoying his touch, his presence ... Dean was really lost.

“Cas...” - Murmured in a calm tone, and Cas could not believe that Dean could be so ... Sly.

They had to separate in a jolt as Sam was back. Dean hated every second of it, these 'escapades', the few minutes of privacy. Shit! That would lead him to madness! It was decided: Dean would resolve the situation once and for all!

“Okay, full tank, let’s get going.” - Commented Sam, holding seatbelt.

“We will stop at motel.” - Dean said, igniting the car.

“What? Why?”

In the backseat Cas lowered his chin avoiding to look at Sam. Sometimes Dean was too direct and it made him uncomfortable - especially knowing the hidden motives of the hunter.

“I’m tired! I drive for hours and this hunt was a pain!”

“Okay. If you want I can drive…”

“No!” – Exclaimed – “I mean… Uh… I really need a bed man!”

His insistence with Sam to stop was so great that the youngest had to agree before having a headache. Satisfied, Dean entered the first motel he encountered - the cleaner one at least. Dean was angered to learn that they would have to share a triple - again. Not that it was a problem. At least not before he and Cas start this ... New and still undefined relationship.

 

\-----------------------(...)-----------------------

 

At night the three of them were in their beds watching a repetitive film in the TV. Castiel needed some explanations about the story, but Dean did it amused, after all, he loved the world of pop culture enough to bother.

However, a small frustration held in him during the day. The idea of staying in a motel that night was to be just him and Castiel; make up for the lost time ‘n stuff. But for Dean’s misfortune, the motel was packed. A room only, and he is lucky enough to have encountered two single beds and a sofa bed. The hunter's frustration was evident from afar.

Sam was near most of the time. Not that Dean felt embarrassed to ask his brother to get out when he was with some women, but because it was Cas it all complicates. The thing between them is much more serious. And Sammy did not know anything - anything that Dean told him directly.

Dean and Castiel do engaged in a modest make out earlier when Sam was buying lunch, but that did not last half an hour. And yes, it made both Dean and Cas apprehensive - to be caught in the act, or the worst: that they were unable to ... Continue.

And Sam's snoring on the other side of the room told them that nothing would happen tonight. Patience, use all your patience, Dean Winchester. Soon they’d be back to the Bunker where, in his own room, Sammy had no right or reason to interfere in their ... Private Affairs.

He slept in less than ten minutes, like a rock, still tired from the last days. The only positive in these three weeks was his resolution with Cas. Dean still could not believe how he had been foolish to not pay attention at the clear and direct messages that existed between the two. He really wanted to have noticed before. But no Dean Winchester. You, as usual, must lose the important people of your life to understand how greatly you miss, how much you need someone by your side.

The memories of the night his mother died jumped in his dream world, making Dean tremble under the blanket despite the warm night. It all came at once: the fire keepsakes, his father’s despair, his hands wrapped around Sammy’s little body. And then he was losing more and more people, without even being able to tell them face to face how they were important. This barrier blocked his emotions is strong and heavy, and Dean suffered with every death, every pain of lost friends, Sam's anguish, stealing these feelings for himself.

He almost lost Castiel, and his mind pushed the recent images - the bloody and open chest, the coldness of the rigid body, and especially Dean's agony seeing him in his arms, unable, as usual, to do something, to save him ...

Gentle and tender fingers stroked his forehead, sliding down to the nape. In a deep breath, Dean opened his eyes, staring at a serious Cas; eyebrows curved in a tone of concern. He started to say something, but Castiel warned him of a sleepy Sam on the other bed. Oh, well, he slept heavy across the room with a pair of headphones, but he could still hear something. Swallowing hard, Dean muttered the words, allowing the soft touch of Castiel in his neck:

“What happened?”

“You were having a nightmare.” – Whispered Cas – “Struggling on the bed.”

“How’d you wake up and Sam don’t?”

“I believe I have a light sleep.” – Explained looking for the right expression – “I never rested before, so…”

Dean stretched his lips amused, looking at the room’s floor in a contemplative view of nothing:

“I’m sorry Dean.”

“Why Cas?” – He frowned.

Castiel took a deep breath:

“Before I could... Remove these nightmares from you. But I'm human now. I just ... I only could come here and wake you up. I’m sorry.”

Staring at him without blinking, Dean noticed the melancholy mix in the subtlety of Cas’s orbs. He really felt guilty, as if somehow his now human presence was a deterrent - when it was not.

“You help me Cas.” - Said, somewhat groggy from sleep as the words come out of his mouth without thinking – “Do not feel guilty about anything.”

Nodding, Cas drew his hand shaking fingers against each other in the middle of the neck, so much that the joints went white. He was not sure how to proceed from now on, nor had ideas about how to help Dean. Then he stood by his side, leaving only the blue irises hovering on emerald one’s. When the clock turned an entire wheel hitting three four in the morning, Cas thought its best to return to his bed:

 “Let's sleep Dean. Do not worry if your nightmares return, I'll think of something.”

Before rising, however, Dean laced Castiel's waist making him fall to the mattress. He adjusted his body on the soft bed and lay face to face to the former angel. He touched his cheek running fingers through his dark hair, while the other hand encircled the shirt fabric:

“You know, Cas, there are other ways to help a person who is having nightmares, without using 'angelic mojo'.”

“How would that be Dean?” – Asked, really interested.

Dean crooked a smile:

“Human comfort.”

Bringing Castiel down, Dean kissed him unceremoniously, sticking their mouths in a tight encounter. Cas closed his eyes, throwing his torso forward and as he did, the hunter's thigh came up between his. As usual, Dean wore only a black boxer, looking more like a short than a underwear. Castiel had developed the same habit of sleeping. In the first days of his humanity, after watching Dean for so long, Cas found natural lie only with minimal clothing; a gray boxer and navy blue sleeve shirt, nothing more.

Dean's mouth remained squeezed against Cas; tongues dancing wrapped in each other as if there was no other place for them. The wet flesh melted with saliva making tongues one.

Taking a deep breath between the kiss, Castiel felt Dean slipping his hand under his ribs, squeezing his fingers in warm skin, drawing a lascivious path to his waist. But it’s only when the hunter grabs the round left of his buttock that Cas choked, burying his nails into Dean's shoulders:

“Dean.” Whispered in puffs – “We cannot continue, Sam is here.”

Green eyes were lost in the blue iris, and Dean just smiled back at him:

“We’ll be quiet.” – He winking with a naughty mien.

Truth be told, Dean was not the patient kind of guy. Adding that he thought about this moment –to have Castiel in his hands - all day, and it was only his sheer force of will that made him endure for a whole afternoon.

It was just that, after realizing how he felt for the former angel, Dean lost some control - in a good way. He wanted to make up for all that time full of uncertain ideas that deprived their will. It’s still amazing how his body responded to Castiel. Everything was exciting and new, his insides roared like a hurricane, crazy to sample more of Cas. The story the two had - mascaraed years of friendship - had reached its limit.

 When it came to touching Castiel, Dean allowed his body and experience to speak louder, dragging his hands on the smaller one, letting the shock of the touch encourage new moves and actions before acknowledged, but never experienced in another man's physique. However, with Castiel, the excitement reached intolerable levels in the hunter, and he just wanted to consummate the desires, the lust.

Dean ran his fingers lightly over the hem of Castiel’s boxer, pulling the elastic and revealing the skin under the fabric. In the new exploited piece of Cas, Dean scratched the top of his thigh, while he could feel a volume growing in the middle of the former angel groin, expanding the boxers cloth and almost skipping out; a volume that he had never felt in bed with anyone, but still, God! Dean wanted to explore all corners of Cas’ body - including that one; even if it meant throw away his male alpha figure on the trash.

Fuck it! He really _wanted_ Cas.

And oh ... Dean was in a similar situation if not worse. His lower belly burning, wanting to be touched, yearning to feel Castiel, pulsing in small and short shocks. Wasting no time, Dean moved his pelvis against the other, and the first swing made lengths touch over thin cloth, rubbing up and down, following the hunter's pace.

Groaning, Cas held his lips to Dean’s and, to the amazement of the hunter he bite his mouth. Closing his eyes Dean allowed Castiel nibbles on his lower lip, smacking small kisses on his chin, traveling to the jaw.

The friction below them gained an accelerated speed. Dean dropped his head in the vacuum of Castiel's neck, giving light kisses, feeling the former angel do the same next the thin skin of his ear. Cas entangled his fingers on Dean’s nape, dragging him against his shoulder and chests bumped in each other with only a minimal space separating the two.

Dean grunted in tiny stammers, trying to be quiet, but the desperate actions of both hindered even this small task.

Sliding a heavy hand in Cas's thigh, Dean slipped the tip of the thumb on the outline of Cas volume, feeling his dick for the first time - although the thumping muscle were still inside the boxer. And, ah! A new inner barrier crumbled in the hunter.

The drowsiness and abrupt actions turned Dean into an irrational being. He could not formulate any questions or inhibition, getting carried away by languid caresses. The feeble touch was not sufficient anymore, so he involved the length in his fingers carefully, making a subtle movement up and down, wrinkling the underwear cloth in his hand. He did what imagined being good if ... If he touched himself.

Biting the inside of his mouth, Cas closed his eyes, hauling a deep silent sigh from inside the throat. Dean reveled in this little sound, however reason awoke him soon after, saying that it was enough, that they should take a break before Sam could hear them – also there was an alert in his head signaling _‘Dude, you're playing with the junk of another dude!’_

 But then, Castiel did that - that thing with his hoarse voice, calling Dean’s name on the tip of his earlobe in an exciting tone, pleading with extremely tempting:

“Dean!” - Murmured almost losing consciousness, girding up his arms around the hunter’s broad shoulders, moving his waist over the hand engulfing his cock – “Ah ... Dean ... Yes!”

Sighing, the hunter bites his lower lip, pulling Castiel until touching the tip of his ear:

“Fuck…”

It was all he could say, losing control, pumping Castiel in fast frictions; pressing the base and sliding the hand to the tip; the boxer getting wet, becoming thinner between Dean’s fingers and Cas shaft.

He thought it would be okay if he could control the noise, if Dean could hold for both, kissing Cas here and there, hiding his voice inside the throat - and ignoring his insistent consciousness always remembering that under him was his best friend.

However, Castiel also wanted to feel Dean, wanted to give him the same marvelous feeling, such as see and hear the hunter moaning in pleasure together.

And he did it, running a hand on Dean's chest, squeezing the buds of the abdomen - causing shivers down his spine - lingering in the navel and finally touching his lower belly, where a firm cock began to throb within the boxer. Castiel grabbed him mimicking the movements Dean made and the hunter moaned opening his mouth in mismatch breathing.

“Cas ...” – whispered in a gentle and provocative tone –“ Cas, fuck!”

“Ah! Dean!”

“I-it ... is ... So fucking good Cas!” – Hissed squinting.

“D-Dean I ...!”

When was the last time Dean lost control like that? He barely begun and already was at his limit!

Sinking his face in Cas's shoulder, Dean stifled his grunts of satisfaction every time the former angel copied the friction over his cock. And Dean, ah! Was so absorbed in the midst of malicious caress the he only realized the movements across the room seconds later:

“Urg… Turn off the TV, Dean…” - Sam complained turning his body on the mattress.

Both Dean and Castiel stopped moving with a unique nervousness seizing them.

What ...

The fuck ...

They were ...

Doing?

  
In the same room as Sam ?! Oh ... Well, it was not as if everything had happened deliberately, right?

Maybe, a little.

“Dammit.”

Dean muttered raising his arms back to Castiel's waist - which he found to be a safe place to stay. Shit! They were so close - almost, almost there!

Dammit Sam!

Ugh! Definitely they need to make time for just them, a moment out of fetid motels, a day where there was only a bed of their own.

“I’ll return to sleep now Dean.”

Castiel whispered somewhat embarrassed, going away from the hunter. Dean still tried to keep him in the embrace, but Sam’s loud snoring erased any other attempt to at least spend the rest of the night feeling Cas’s body against his. Because, ah, the loneliness formed in his arms when Cas left his mattress made the hunter compress his lips in rage. Twisting his body, Dean faced his back to Castiel. He did not want to look at him, not now, not with that volume between his legs still active.

He preferred to watch the ceiling fan, putting his arm around his forehead. Dean wanted to ignore the fluid of thoughts coming from all sides of his mind, the fact that he was with Castiel in that bed and they were ... They were ... Does Dean even know how to proceed? If it was a woman, ah! He wouldn’t need much time. Touch the right places, do his 'magic' naturally. But wherever he held daydreams about Cas a strong turmoil took possession of his stomach, something he rarely felt in his life; a unmatched nervousness like in his first time, or on those two weeks with Cassie, or in the short year alongside Liza...

Castiel made him uneasy and embarrassed - in a good way. It’s just that Dean cared so much about him. What if he did something wrong? Or what if he couldn’t... ‘Get excited…’

Oh well.

The ecstasy running and the still strong heat in his lower belly indicated yes.

Grunting somewhat angry, Dean tried to go back to sleep struggling on the mattress. He really needed to be alone with Cas.

 

 

 

**Sam’s messages - 02**

 

**10/12/2014**

 

**Louis C.:**

Mornin Sam! How was the first day? (15:12)

**You:**

Hey Louis. Tiresome for Dean, he drives. We stopped on a motel to rest. (15:13)

**Louis C.:**

That’s good. But you could’ve drive too, right? (15:13)

**You:**

Ah! You don’t know Dean! When he wants to be stubborn, he is a pain in the ass. (15:13)

**Louis C.:**

He; It must be cool to have an older brother. (15:14)

**You:**

Sometimes. You saw his temper. (15:14)

**Louis C.:**

Ha, ha! Yes. But he’s nice. (15:15)

**You:**

I’ll tell him that. (15:16)

**Louis C.:**

Sorry to ask, but is he better? (15:16)

**You:**

What’d you mean? (15:17)

**Louis C.:**

Oh, well, he was annoyed during the hunt. (15:19)

**You:**

Ah! Dean ‘s always annoyed. It’s just his way. But things are better with him and Cas. (15:19)

**Louis C.:**

Ah! They solved things up? He, he. (15:20)

**You:**

You notice? =O (15:21)

**Louis C.:**

Sam, I don’t wanna be nosy, but a three year old can notice! (15:21)

**You:**

HAHAHA! Oh! Man! I’m laughing so much! (15:22)

**Louis C.:**

Glad I make you smile. (15:22)

**You:**

But are you okay? I mean, because of Cas… (15:23)

**Louis C.:**

You notice? =O (he he) (15:23)

**You:**

HAHA! Like you said, a three year old can tell. (15:23)

**Louis C.:**

Ha! Yeah, well. I was pretty shake because of my Family, ya know? I got attached to Cas. I’m a needy child, sue me! But I’m good. It was just a silly crush. Cas is a good friend, and I’m happy he and Dean are sorting things out. (15:23)

**You:**

I’m glad. (15:23)

**Louis C.:**

Thanks for the concern Sam. Now I have to go! Gotta a test tomorrow! (15:24)

**You:**

Okay, good luck! We talk later! (15:24)

**Louis C.:**

Bye! (15:24)

 


	17. New agreements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm sorry if there's any grammar mistake! Enjoy the chapter! Next one will be funny xD

 

After the second day frustrated, Dean and Castiel lay in a monumental silence at the impala. Cas had been too embarrassed after their thoughtless actions the night before. He respected Sam deeply and what he and Dean made while the youngest slept was nothing respectful.

The problem for Cas was the amount of feelings and emotions that still surprised him most of the time. It was interesting to try different types of feelings: anxiety, fear, nervousness, excitement. One after another, trampling in his head, making him a being of increasingly impulsive. Before losing his grace he rarely were allowed to submerge into the lack of control, and in most cases only two emotions emerged: the fury in battle, or the compassion for humanity - aka, the brothers Winchesters; read between the lines, Dean.

As a former angel, being able to balance each of these sensitive newness dispersed in a tangled line at a continuous wire without knots is complicated, and Cas tried in the best possible way. However that night in bed Dean showed him that there was still much to learn about control. So Cas did the only logical thing to him: ignoring this stream of feelings, just as his lost angelic essence allowed him to do, giving more space to Sam into consideration towards him.

On the return trip to the Bunker, Castiel was quiet in the back seat of the Impala, speaking when asked, but not getting in any conversation. Not even his new and genuine smiles appeared. Sam and Dean noticed his peculiar behavior, exchanging accomplice brotherly glances - that they understood without even using words:

 _‘Dude, ‘the hell is wrong with Cas?’_ – Dean was able to pass the information when squeezing his eyes, arching his eyebrows while looking at Sam.

 _‘Dunno. He’s being ‘robot Cas’ since morning. Did you do something?’_ – Sam replied with a shrug.

 _‘I did nothing!’_ – Dean answered arching his shoulders, stopping seconds later to think about it. Images from last night popped up.

Sam thought his brother was having a stroke, as he began to press his lips against each other with zero expression on his face.

Dean pondered if maybe, just maybe, Cas could be upset by yesterday events. But he was wondering what it could possibly be. Because they stopped? Or because they were almost caught? Or Dean had done something that Cas didn’t like? Oh shit, now he was going to spend the rest of the trip thinking about it! Great, just fucking great!

With two hours away from the Bunker, the impala asked for more gasoline and they had to stop at the next station. Castiel got out excusing himself as needed to use the bathroom and 'ease the pressure on his bladders', as he had said. Dean stared at him as he walked away shaking his fingers on the steering wheel. Cas was still silent, not facing him, and it bothered Dean too much.

"You think he’s feeling ill?" – Queried Sam.

"No, he would’ve told us."

"So it must be something else or he’s only quiet…"

"I don’t know Sam! Why don’t you ask him?!"

He bursts because he hated when his brother got into the Inquisitor state. If Dean didn’t know, so he didn’t know! The only reasonable thing to do is to ask directly to Cas, not going in that infinite wheel of unanswered questions. It was stupid. Sam rolled his eyes, ready to leave the car until he heard his phone ringing:

"Dude, with who you’re talking so much these days?" – Dean asked.

"Louis."

"Louis… Louis?! From the freaking farm?!"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"You have to stop this Good Samaritan politics."

"Sometimes it’s good to maintain contact with people outside our circle."

"Whatever; stay there talking with your little friend, I’m gonna talk to Cas."

Declared, slamming the door. Sam still opened his mouth, but closed it. He was not going to get into this fight, he would not think about it, let Dean and Castiel solve it.

On the right side of the station - a very lonely place smelling of urine and old oil, Dean meet Castiel trying to wash his hands in the filth sink, not noticing the presence of the hunter. As Cas turned he frowned in surprise, but tried to keep a straight face.

"Dean, is everything alright?"

"Yeah."

"I was returning, if you need to urinate go ahead…"

"Cas, just-cut the crap and tell me what’s going on."

Stiffing his jaw, Castiel twisted his neck, using the calm as his best weapon:

"Nothing Dean, I’m fine."

"Like hell you are!"

He went a step further girding Cas’s arm at the elbow staring coldly. Dean did not like these little games. Tasting the air between his teeth, he cleared his throat.

"Cas you… Uh… I mean, last night…"

It was more than visible Dean’s discomfort, almost palpable. Castiel thought its fun his lack of tact. Taking a deep breath - this gesture so reassuring that Cas had learned to do in difficult situations - the former angel kept his globes on the other.

"Dean, yesterday we… What we did was a mistake."

He managed to speak before the hunter and suddenly the grip on his arm became stronger, almost desperate. Dean’s expression was of total confusion, his orbs going from one side to another quickly. A mistake?! What he means by that!? What they did was a mistake?! Dean almost choked:

"Cas…"

"Oh, Dean I meant with Sam in the room."

Dean sighed relived.

"Dude you have to learn how to start a speech."

Castiel lowered his chin agreeing. His chest burned amid the whirlwind heart beating. It is hard to stay focused on his task with Dean’s impulsivity - the same impulsiveness that made his actions so frank, pure and spontaneous; in most cases.

"It’s because of Sam that you’re like this?"

"Like this…?" – Castiel tilted his head to one side, confused. Dean thought it was funny.

"In your ‘robot Cas’ vibe."

The former angel almost laughed.

"Yesterday circumstances made me uncomfortable."

Dean pursed, not looking Cas as he felt his face burning a bit with memories. The point is that everything was so new and scary at the same time. Neither of them knew exactly how to move forward, what to do next, if they already wanted to take the next step - which would be basically a jump with no return to the Grand Canyon.

"Next time try opening your cakehole, dumbass." - Said Dean taking two steps back, putting his hands inside the jacket. – "Sam and I were worried."

"I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention."

The hunter rolled his eyes, for Castiel’s voice was still cold; and Dean hated his unexpressive manners.

Cas’s back hit against the wall in the hustle received by Dean. The hunter held his arm, cupping his face with the other hand to keep it in place. The kiss was quick, almost chaste in a touch of lips, and even Dean didn’t understood for sure why he wanted to kiss Castiel's - he just wanted to vanish this monotonous expression out of him.

"You can stop the Dark Knight style Cas."

"Dean, we’ve talked about references."

"Man, I have a lot of movies to show ya."

The hunter burst out in laughing. Castiel followed his mood, now noticing something crucial: it was impossible to remain frigid and meticulous in Dean’s presence, especially when his whole being cried out for him, when he now had permission to touch, to feel. He is really lost.

Oh well, they would have to solve this situation otherwise. And Cas knew well the next step to be taken.

"May I ask you a question Dean?"

"Yeah?" - He arched one eyebrow.

"I…" – Cas hesitated, resting one hand on Dean’s waist, grabbing his coat.

The hunter allowed the inordinate approach, knowing that Sam was still in the car and the freeway remained empty. Oh, yes! Also because he wanted to be touched by Castiel, duh!

Since that night, the kiss, since Dean understood once and for all how he felt about the former angel, he had become a kind of drug. His smell, his voice, the gentle and warm touch of his fingers, every little detail urged Dean in a way that before was unnoticed. Finally the hunter could see the reasons for his minor irritation when near Cas: because he could not touch him. And well, now that’s all is crystal clear - and the fact they were on an deserted place - he could consent to simple and warm touches.

"Dean, this between us, I comprehend it’s merely a three day novelty, but even if it’s soon, and a change on the future might come, I…" – Cas was babbling, unable to control the flux of thoughts and doubts.

Muffling his voice, Dean stole another kiss, this time allowing his tongue to explore the other. He was warm, soft and so, so good. He releases Cas only to talk:

"I’m not one of easy regrets, Cas."

The former angel acquiesced pressing further the hunter’s waist. Indeed, as tortuous as that way was, Dean never regret the choices he makes - even if they were stupid sometimes, or simply would lead to an unexpected result, yet Dean was quite convinced.

"Me too Dean, especially about this."

"So, for fucks sake let’s stop this Sex and the City moment, and let’s head back to the car."

"Dean I haven’t made my question."

"Oh, right."

Blue orbs hovered Dean not blinking and Cas spoke with his serious tone:

"Wouldn’t it be prudent to tell Sam?"

Dean’s muscles tensed with only the mere possibility of having to tell something to his brother. No, he did not want to hide anything from him, after all, the youngest would know sooner or later. But Dean would rather it to be "much later". If even him had difficulty facing the situation, imagining tell Sammy of his recent ‘relationship’ made his stomach swirl.

Shit… Did Dean really just said Castiel is his new ‘relationship’!?

For the love of- He was in urge to watch a marathon of gore, trash movies, full of violence, sex and blood to recover from his little Gilmore Girls moment. Okay, lucky Cas can’t read his thoughts anymore. Cleaning his throat, Dean lurched a crooked smile to the smaller one, with a sarcastic tone:

"And how you wanna tell Sam? ‘hey, I secretly had a thing for your brother and now we’re making the horizontal tango?’"

He laughed – little aware he thought about sex with Castiel for the first time, but soon it faded with his answer:

"Perhaps not with those words, Dean, however I imagine something similar. Less blatant, tough."

Dean blinked a few times stupefied, waiting a chuckle from Cas, any indication this was a gag. But nothing.

"Man, now I’m really scared ‘cause you don’t sound like joking."

"I do not play with serious issues, Dean."

Huffing, Dean put both hands on Cas’s shoulders lowering his head between them. Angel or not, Castiel remained the same confused nerd, full of innocence and sincerity. Holy shit!

"Cas, just let me do it, okay? I’ll talk to Sam and then you can speak to him whatever you want." – Dean pondered a little, raising his head. – "No, thinking about it lets practice your speech before you talk to Sammy."

Twisting his neck to one side, Castiel stared Dean not understanding his motives, shrugging. Dean knew better how to deal with Sam. And Cas, well, he just thought there was no reason for them to hide, at least not if Dean wanted to move on with… Well, them.

And hearing Dean affirming a future talk with Sam relieved Castiel’s apprehension, making him relax more, ending his lame try to ignore his new collection of human sensations.

Returning to the impala, Dean notice how Sam kept focused on his phone.

"Dude, stop smiling at the screen, it’s creepy." Dean mocked, as Sam huffed punching slightly his shoulder.

"Just drive jerk."

"Bitch."

They laughed and Castiel accompanied them with a large smile – the same one Dean adored seeing without knowing it, happy with his amused mien, looking askew at Cas through the car’s mirror.

And Sam, oh Sam and his acumen, stared at both – none giving him any attention . Dean relaxed and calm observing the former angel while Castiel had the same tranquil face.

"What ya smiling at Sammy?" Dean queried.

"Oh, nothing, just something Louis said."

"Hm, this boy is a pain in the ass."

Not bothering to answer Sam continued to tap his cellphone wanting to laugh at Dean’s quick glances to the back seat. He stretched his lips in contentment.

 

\------------------------(...)-----------------------

 

Finally at home, or the place Dean called home. Sam still considers the Bunker a HQ where they spent the nights after hunts, deciphered the tables with Kevin, and nothing else. ‘Home’ was a concept too strong for him.

Dean soon drooped his things inside his room looking for Kevin. The kid should’ve been there cataloging things, but the Bunker was soundless. At the kitchen, Sam found a note attached to the fridge.

"Kevin went out of the bunker, needed a break. He says he asked Charlie for help."

"Since when they’re friends?" – queried Dean, frowning.

"I think since Charlie discovered Kevin likes scy-fy."

"Makes sense. But the son of a bitch! He knows there’s a bunch of people after him!"

"I believe it’s because of Christmas. He misses his mother, you know."

Agreeing, Dean remembered how Kevin still hadn’t accepted his mother death – especially after his discussion with Crowley. Luck thing the demon is no longer a problem (trapped on their basement and stuff). Maybe Kevin was in need of some rest. The note said he went to the same motel Dean had left him once. Charlie met him there, guarding the place against anything.

"At least he got Charlie." – Concluded Sam – "I’ll check if everything is alright."

Dean left Sam to handle the kid going to grab a good and icy beer. In an insight, Dean turned around heading to the books room where Castiel was standing alone with hands in his pockets, slowly walking through the place glaring at the furniture, absorbed.

"Hey Cas, we have a room for you."

The former angel stared at him. His eyes hovered the Bunker again. Castiel ducked his head and soon gazed Dean with a tranquil aspect:

"Are you sure Dean?" – He asked; rough voice resounding everywhere.

Dean frowned shaking his head:

"’Course I’m sure Cas! What question is that?"

He opened his mouth, but closes it seconds later. The Bunker, the same place where he wasn’t allowed to stay by Dean. It could’ve happen, maybe later. The hunter will regret bringing him there, to have started this… ‘Relationship’. Perhaps Dean would let him stay in the Bunker for a while, and then the former angel will leave, because it would be hard to see, feel Dean’s smell every day and not touch him.

Yes, Castiel still is afraid of human rejection, after all, this feeling showed as a strong, destructive one. He didn’t like to surrender for the sentimental turmoil, nor was he capable of avoiding it. The hard mortal life.

Castiel shrugged, returning to his pensive air. Dean closed his fists dropping the beer – that made him uneasy, not knowing what was going on with Cas.

"Dean, I don’t want to be a nuisance, I…"

"Cas, stop talking shit." – Replied, getting near him – "You’ll stay here, period."

"You were the one who told me I couldn’t last time."

Dean’s mandible snapped with the mention of that day. It hurt; it fucking hurt to tell Castiel he needed to leave because of what Ezekiel told him. He wanted his friend to be close. He likes Castiel and, well, now he really _liked_ Castiel. Ezekiel had control over Sam, however Dean needs to convince him that everything will be alright. He will protect Cas; with wards, magic, spells, anything! But he won’t let him go, not after… Almost losing him.

"You stay." – Declared. – "No discussion."

Ezekiel can bitch about it, but Dean was convinced. The angel remains weak, so he can’t do much if Sam finds out and banishes him. Also, Dean can ask Kevin to find out something of how to expel an angel from someone, or find a miraculous unknown cure. Ezekiel healed Cas at the farm, and his condition worsen. He can’t leave anytime soon.

For now, Dean had advantage. So yes, Castiel is staying at the Bunker. He owned this to the guy, and Dean hated to be on debt.

Yet uncertain, Cas spin on his heels eyeing the shelf. The Bunker is a safe and calm place. If Dean was right about his decision, then Cas can relax. This, if a small stab of doubt didn’t insist knocking on the back of his head.

"Dean I’m not naïve." – He said.

The hunter narrowed his eyebrows almost uniting them in the middle of his forehead. What the hell was he talking about? Confused, he went a step closer, their distance small now:

"Cas, the fuck you’re saying?"

"I know what you promised earlier. About telling Sam. But I also understand that living with others beside your brother is not your forte, Dean."

Annoyed with Cas’s assumptions, Dean advanced again, however this time he brings the former angel with him in a thump against the wall. Cas grunted as his arm is grabbed by Dean with an almost violent squeeze. The hunter engulfed his fingers of his other fist at his shirt. He gazed at Cas fiercely, facing the bluish wilderness not blinking. The emerald iris quivered as if he wanted to intimidate the smaller one, making him understand once and for all.

"Stop trying to decipher me Cas. If I’m telling you is because that’s what I want!"

"Dean, I..."

There was hesitation in his voice. An anger sob. Releasing the grip over the former angel, Dean throws his head hack wanting to stare him:

"Cas? What’s going on?" - Queried calmer.

He pursed his lips looking for words. Cas wasn’t giving up, however the wool of feelings got in his way, and Castiel could only think that everything that happened during the hunt, that this brief days would stay in the past from the moment they get to the Bunker. He hadn’t considered the idea of staying here, much less to have Dean in the way he desired. It was just… Too surreal. One thing was, in the heat of the moment, on a hunt, on the way back to promise things, for them to remain together. But Dean never got attached to someone – not after Liza.

Castiel learned about rejection and human lies very well these past months on Earth. Aprill fooled him, other angels pretended to help, then tried to kill him. So many times fooled when Castiel thought it was possible to reliance his judgment, just to see it shattered in hopelessness.

And Dean is the best of all things that happened since his fall. Losing him will be unbearable. Releasing the air sealed in his lungs, Castiel spoke:

"I still do not believe Dean."

He didn’t believe in what? In Dean? In his words? Oh, okay Dean Winchester, maybe because you’re the guy who kicked him out of the Bunker in the first place. But everything changed. No, he would never go through that again. Dean needed his family close. If something happens to Sam, Kevin, Charlie, God! If something happens to Castiel… He will break inside.

The hunter’s chest burned with rage. After what they just went through… How Castiel cannot believe?! Wasn’t he there when they kissed?! Had he forgot all the trouble, deceptions and confessions?! What the fuck! Why Castiel had always to overthink?!

In a sudden movement, Dean had his leg straddling Cas’s thighs, toking possess of his waist and gluing it to his. Castiel’s mouth was englobed by Dean’s in a strong pressure of lips and soon his tongue visited him. The kiss is violent, an attempt to place the intricate letters in his mind inside the former angel by the smack of lips, through the caress, because the hunter didn’t know nor he liked to deal with words. But of impulsive and sincere acts he understood. And this kiss had to seal their wills in one. Dean needed Cas so much that it hurt.

His lips soon traced a gentle path over Castiel’s, a necessary care. Dean palmed his waist clutching the jeans. His fingers crept up slowly, just a small portion of skin from Cas’s belly jumping out of the shirt.

Castiel accompanied Dean palming his hands at the hunter’s jawline slithering his fingers over his stubble. He brought his mouth closer in an outstanding will to have Dean for himself.

There was no turning back, for neither. In the hurricane of battles and deaths in their lives, they became a small certain; visceral and raw.

They broke the kiss, ghosting swollen lips before Dean opens his eyes staring Castiel. If the smallest hint of doubt existed in his orbs it was extinct, and only the blue color sparkled amidst puffy breathes.

Dean mighty be the worst man in the world in matters of accepting his own feelings. However he had lost so much. His mother, his father, Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Cassie, Liza, Ben… Each one of them, just apparitions on his memory, another scar to carry. The former angel in his arms cannot become another number, a new name to put on that list; no more deaths, no more loss.

Dean’s heart burns with the solid certain he felt when with Castiel, his best friend, his ex-angel, his protector, his… Only his.

"Stay Cas."

The words come out and, oh, Dean couldn’t stop his brain. The quiet tone in his voice, the way he spoke in a hidden plead, and man! The hunter wanted to take his knife and decapitate some creature now – because he had reached his limit of chick flick for the rest of his life!

Noticing his inquietude, Castiel couldn’t avoid the corner of his lips to twitch in that smile Dean liked. He is asking Castiel to stay, and the former angel couldn’t stop the _thump, thump, thump_ humming quickly in his chest. He beamed, resting one hand on Dean’s nape.

"Alrigth Dean."

Lost in that beautiful blue spheres Dean gained a bland mien. Only after a few minutes he realized Cas had answered. Satisfied, he smacked a quick kiss on his lips showing a triumphant smile before taking Castiel to his, now, bedroom. Nothing too luxurious, but it was heaven compared to his first days as a human when he didn’t even had his own clothes.

"Tank you Dean."

The purity of these words made Dean choke. Jesus, he knew very well what Castiel went through and seeing that even this little made him happy as a kid bouncing with a new toy… Dean felt a punch in his stomach while repeating _jerk, jerk, jerk_ in his head. Never again he will leave Castiel alone. He just wanted to... Protect him...

For the love of God! Someone punch his face before anymore melodrama get out of his head!

Coughing, he pointed Cas to the library, which made the former angel excited to examine. Dean let him check the books while going to the kitchen to eat something. It’s when he sees Sam standing there, facing him. Dean jumps a little:

"Dude, warn a guy …"

"So Castiel will stay."

The solemn attitude the rasping voice in Sam… No that wasn’t San there, and for a second Dean’s spine froze.

"Zeke."

"Dean, I saved Castiel. The least you can do is leave him away."

"You crazy?" – Replied, looking over his shoulder to make sure they were talking alone – "I did this and look where it got us?! Cas was lost, with nobody to help, he died and I…"

He stopped to collect more air, to erase memories of an exposed chest, bloody, Castiel’s skin cold against him and the lifeless blur of his eyes. Sighing, he raises one hand waving it to cease the tension:

"Look Zeke, Cas is family. And you have no condition to leave Sam now."

True. The angel spent good part of his grace to recover the severe damage caused on Castiel. He only did that for he needed Dean’s approval at its best. Also, because he really had no hate towards his past battle companion. However the utmost reason is: he needed a safe place like the Bunker. But there is danger in the situation, for many will come after Castiel, other will try to kill him and when this happens, the angel dwelling in Sam will be revealed.

"Just hang in there, man."

Dean spoke before Ezekiel, huffing, not believing on his own words:

"Every ass angel says how Sammy and I are ‘perfect vessels’, and bla, bla, bla, bunch of crap; and I don’t think you can have a better place to crash. Cas is safe with us, no one is stupid enough to try something, not for now."

"For now…"

Ezekiel repeated and Dean felt that same shiver crawling his nape. Walking slowly in the kitchen, the angel pondered over his best strategy. Sam Winchester – any Winchester – serves right as a vessel. His strength will return faster with Sam, and even if he risked himself, it would be better than to engage into a desperate run.

"Very well." – He says – "I’ll agree with your terms, for now. But only under one condition."

Gulping, Dean expected anything: a deal, kill someone, purge some freaking angels – not that he had problems with the last part.

"What?"

"You and Sam must stay away from hunts until my grace is full recovered."

In a great relief, Dean arched down his lips clasping his hands on each side of his legs. That went better than expected. He had been suggesting Sam to take a break for him to rest a while now. And, if that meant Cas can be close…

"No problems. No hunts, we’ll be here for the next weeks, lazy at the couch, watching Game of Thrones.

Ezekiel blinked a few times going one step further, frowning:

"Game of thrones?"

Great, another angel without notion of pop culture. Oh, well, not that Zeke was in scene most of the time.

"I mean we’ll stay at the Bunker. No hunts ‘till second order."

Acquiescing, Zeke gesture to Dean and in a snap Sam returned to command his body. For a moment he seemed disoriented, looking at his cellphone and eyes hovering the kitchen.

"I was talking with Kevin in my room…"

Swiftly Dean answered, grabbing a new beer from the fridge:

"And you came walking here. It’s not a hard logic to follow, Sammy."

"Okay…" - He agreed shaking his head. - "Anyway, Kevin is fine, so as Charlie. She send regards."

"Great, great." - Was all he answered sipping the beer. The liquid felt bitter. Askew he stared Sam while he fetched a snack.

Lies and more lies. Dean sank on both sides, not telling Sam or Castiel. However, his hands are tied up. He needs to go forward until his brother is safe and then… Well, then he can think of a good way to apologize.

Castiel appeared in the middle of the kitchen holding a heavy book. His eyes looked fascinated at the lines, making his face shine in each paragraph read, and for that brief instant Dean forgot his problems, he backed off the uncertainness and fears, leaving only a subtle and weak fragment of happiness embrace him.

Maybe it wasn’t that bad to stay away from hunts for a while.

 

**Sam’s messages - 03**

**11/12/2014**

 

**You:**

Hey Louis! How the test go? (12:04)

**Louis C.:**

Hey Sam! I got a 9! =D (12:05)

**You:**

Congrats, nerd. (12:05)

**Louis C.:**

Ha! Look who’s talking. Btw, you forgot a book at the motel. (12:05)

**You:**

Really? Which one? (12:05)

**Louis C.:**

One ‘bout symbols. It’s kinda cool. (12:05)

**You:**

Ah! I know it! You can have it. (12:06)

**Louis C.:**

Really??? (12:06)

**You:**

Yup, I have lots of that here In the Bunker. (12:06)

**Louis C.:**

Whow! Thanks Sam! =D (12:06)

**You:**

No problem. (12:06)

**Louis C.:**

Hey, this Bunker is like, your house, right? (12:07)

**You:**

Kinda of, more like a HQ. (12:08)

**Louis C.:**

Ah! That’s awesome man! I wish I had a place like this. (12:08)

**You:**

Don’t you have a treehouse? =p (12:08)

**Louis C.:**

Hey! I’m 17! Mister Sam Winchester! (12:08)

**You:**

Whow, you called my full name, I’m in trouble! (12:08)

**Louis C.:**

Hahaha! You idiot! (12:09)

**You:**

Just a little; Dean is the family clown. (12:09)

**Louis C.:**

You meant sarcastic evil clown, right? (12:09)

**You:**

Something like that! (12:10)

**Louis C.:**

Hehe. Hey Sam. (12:10)

**You:**

Yes? (12:10)

**Louis C.:**

Thanks for hearing me out. It’s... Different these days, without my parents. (12:12)

**You:**

It’s okay Louis. I know a little ‘bout Family problems trust me. (12:12)

**Louis C.:**

Still, it’s so strange! I can’t believe I’m finally free of all that shit! (12:13)

**You:**

Hey, watch your mouth! (12:13)

**Louis C.:**

Fuck you! =p (12:13)

**You:**

Whow! Somebody deserves to be grounded! (12:13)

**Louis C.:**

Very funny! But, for real Sam, thanks. (12:14)

**You:**

Louis, you’re a good person, you didn’t deserve nothing of what happened. And whenever you need to talk, just send an msg. It’s better to talk to someone. Keeping all to yourself it’s when things go to hell. Sometimes literally. (12:15)

**Louis C.:**

Thank you, my personal therapist! But I’ll follow your advice and nag you from time to time! (12:15)

**You:**

You don’t nag me Louis, really. (12:15)

**Louis C.:**

... Thanks Sam. (12:16)

**You:**

You’re welcome. Now I have to go, Dean and Cas are coming back. (12:16)

**Louis C.:**

Hmm. Together? (12:16)

**You:**

Haha, yes, together. (12:16)

**Louis C.:**

I think you should lock them in a room. (12:16)

**You:**

HAHAHA! I’ve thought about this! (12:16)

**Louis C.:**

Then put it into work! Now I really have to go Sam, we talk more later! Bye! (12:16)

**You:**

Bye! (12:17)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promissed some smut, and you guys gonna have it! Everything will be solved on chapters 19 to 20! 
> 
> Hope you guys are enjoying the story!  
> Kisses, see ya soon =*


	18. Domestic Lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not gonna even try to apolozige for the delay of this chapter! Just... Have some fun and enfoy xD

 

Castiel organized the room quickly. He didn’t need much, after all he didn’t have his own clothes, or anything. Since the visit to Bobby's house he just had that old pair of jeans, two shirts and a jacket, one or two clean boxers and ... That’s it. It's not like the former angel had conditions to get a job after another, at least not without documents. If he used the name of Jimmy Novak - his vessel - the police could track him and his life would make an absurd turnover. Questions, interrogations. Not good. Still, Jimmy had a family who believed in his death. Castiel could not cause this kind of sadness to them, especially with his knowledge of the magnitude of human feelings.

No, he would do better.

But this ‘better’ had been sleepless nights in cars together with beggars, community shelters, and stranger’s houses like Aprill - mental note, he would never accept help from strangers again.

Consequently his room is made up of scarce things: a dresser, where he piled some books, notebooks and pens, a bed, a small table coffee with two chairs. White walls without paints or nothing to show that the place belonged to someone. Very reminiscent of Sam’s room. It looked like the bedroom of a hotel, something temporary, not a house.

The truth is Castiel still felt kind of an intruder in the Bunker. Of course the hospitality of Dean and Sam in the last two days since his arrival said otherwise. Cas was a good friend, a fellow who helped in numerous times and the two brothers always testified how he was important, even being human, even without his grace.

However, something was missing in Castiel. He felt a little lost, without a path, without purpose. He felt empty.

As a human, things had to be pursued, to have their own _‘raison d’etre’_. Mortals aspire for something, building a family, or just have a good job, anything was worth being desired, provided that the purpose existed to be achieved, until a new goal appeared. However, Cas never worried about these details, for an angel of the Lord must obey orders, fulfill their mission and return to heaven.

What he should pursue now? What is his goal? Staying with Dean? Not only that, he wanted more, help more, serve a greater cause. And what was the only thing he holds since his fall - and his feelings for Dean? Knowledge of centuries accumulated inside his mind. He could still remember all of them, even if it takes longer to evoke memories, but there were ancient languages, images of past civilizations, and everything else.

Therefore, in these last two days, Castiel is cloistered in his room overlooking the most complex books from the library, analyzing, translating and studying in order to help Kevin’s research in the translation of the tablets. And the prophet had to admit the greater progress in this short time. No, he had not yet translated much more than before, but silly mistakes were avoided. Now they would know where to look instead to wander by chance.

Dean had been pleased to watch Castiel’s enthusiasm. He spoke excitedly over dinner about his reading, talking with Kevin on the phone telling his findings, and the hunter was reluctant to admit it, but the small domestic life was good for Cas.

Also, Dean had his own reasons to be more ... Peaceful. He did not have to worry about an angelic legion chasing Castiel, and had no reason to be alarmed with Sammy, as Ezekiel’s healing results showed in his brother’s mood. Sam sleep less, eat well and was always with a very lively aspect on his face. Kevin also called every day at three different times. Charlie is still with him, which improves the situation. She tried to explain the security system she architected around the walls of the motel room, but Dean refused to hear another word about softwares before his brain explodes.

His family was well and safe, that was what mattered. The hunts could wait a couple more weeks.

Sam, in exchange, did not care for the lack of action. From the farm ‘till today they barely had a break, going to hunt after hunt, solving the big question of the fallen angels, looking for a way to end with all the world's problems. Fact was that they would not make any difference now. The only hope is translate as much of the tablet as they can. Seen from this angle, yes, Sam might as well relax a bit - perhaps even unconsciously, a light push on his head. Strange.

Of course, the youngest liked that kind of calm, because he had lived it before accepting the hunter life would be his eternal reality. He had if with Jess and Amelia, even if it lasted only a short while. So nothing will ban him to savor these brief moments, not to mention near Christmas. Despite Dean’s bitterness towards the holiday - and he had a good reason - Sam believed he could convince him otherwise.

Dean did not even notice how much his guard was low around Castiel. If he discuss over something, the anger disappear as soon as he sees Cas askew, walking through the shelves in search of a new reading. Sam insisted no more about it, just laughing on the inside – and in his conversations with Louis.

The phone in his pocket vibrated at the same time and Sam knew who it was.

**Louis C.:**

Hey Sam! How’s everything? (10:21)

**Sam W.:**

Calm, and with you? (10:23)

**Louis C.:**

Same. Dean and Cas confessed already? (10:23)

**Sam W.:**

Nope. Guess they’re taking it slow. (10:24)

**Louis C.:**

Ah! You think they didn’t said anything yet? (10:24)

**Sam W.:**

Probably. Dean is kindda slow for these things. Too ‘chick flick!’ He’d say. (10:25)

**Louis C.:**

Well, I hope they fix things up. (10:25)

**Sam W.:**

Me too man, seeing these two on the infinite dance is sickening me! (10:25)

**Louis C.:**

You can always mourn with me ;) (10:26)

**Sam W.:**

Ha! Sure Louis, Always. (10:26)

**Louis C.:**

Ah! The mail is here! Gonna see if my magazine came. (10:28)

**Sam W.:**

Teen magazine? =p (10:28)

**Louis C.:**

Very funny. No, an animal magazine. (10:29)

**Sam W.:**

Animal? (10:29)

**Louis C.:**

Yeah a scientific magazine of animals. I like it. (10:30)

**Sam W.:**

Oh, okay... I had a friend that, you know, liked animals as well… Have fun reading. (10:30)

**Louis C.:**

Okay! Talk to you later? (10:32)

**Sam W.:**

Sure. Later Louis! (10:32)

**Louis C.:**

Later, Sam! (10:32)

After reading the latest messages, Sam faced the lost look of Dean over the table. A half beer in his hand, one quiet expression directed to Castiel, who read a new book on the couch across the Bunker, marking things here and there. Dean did not smile, not at all. However, Sam recognized the small glow in the back of his eyes, knowing that this was a silent and hidden way of his brother to show how pleased he was.

Louis is right. The two must confess at once. Sam was tired of seeing his brother and Castiel changing endless stares, quick laughs. He could feel their will to jump on top of the other and ... Ew ... Sam did not want to think of his brother like that.

Changing quickly this line of thought, he called for Dean twice before speaking louder:

“Dean, we should visit the town.”

“Hm?” – Hummed, breaking his attention from Castiel to face Sam seconds later- “Why?”

“Well, if Cas is going to stay I think he needs a few things.”

“Like what?”

“Clothes, to start.”

Yes, Sam was right. For two days Cas wore Dean clothes - since Sammy is too big for him to fit. Even if Dean did not care, not at all, to see Cas using his old shirts, it would be good to stop with so many clothing washes.

Nodding, Dean grabbed the car keys and the three stopped in a simple store of used things; kind of a bazaar.

“Is this really necessary, Dean?” – Queried Castiel, holding the sleeve of a black coat.

“Cas, no ofense, but I don’t have this many clothes.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, I haven’t realize how uncomfortable is to lend me your clothes.”

“What?! N-no! It’s not that Cas, I, uh…”

“What Dean is trying to say, Cas,” – Sam came to Dean’s rescue, for his brother relief. - “is that you need your on things. You’re human now, right?”

“Okay.” – he said, waving his head. – “I just have to choose some vestiments then?”

“Yes, see what you like.”

Nodding, the former angel began to rotate slowly among the half dozen repetitive shelves, picking some shirts - blue, black and white - three pairs of jeans, socks, boxers, a new sweatshirt, two dress shirts, a pair of new shoes, and it was enough for now.

“Something else, Cas?” – Dean asked with his hands inside the pockets.

Cas examined other shelves, but nothing got his attention. Except ... Disentangling from Sam and Dean, Castiel ran his hand between the hangers stopping his fingers on a black shirt. He picked it up with a quick smile to the lips folding it over the others. Without understanding anything, the brothers shrugged, going to pay. Along the way, Dean added a pair of light blue new sheets. It was little, but at least it will give Cas’s room a different color in there, an appearance of 'home'.

Cas’s room ... Dean holds the thought in that sentence finding himself as an idiot for being happy to know where Castiel is – that they were close to each other - instead of the previous uncertainty. Coughing, the hunter nodded walking back to the car. It was bullshit to feel calm with this kind of idea, but still the home life assailed Dean with a strange calm. It was like when he lived with Liza and he had a routine, things to do involving family tasks. Yeah, Dean liked it.

“Thank you, both of you.”

Castiel says back at the Bunker.

“It’s not a problem, Cas.” – Answered Sam.”

“I will return your clothes as soon as possible, Dean.”

“Don’t sweat it.” – he said winking to him, only noticing the flirt tone seconds later. Shit! Hopefully Sam has not seen it.

“Alright”

Turning around, Castiel went to his room carrying the bags being followed by Dean's lost gaze. Sam stared from the corner of his eyes realizing the small curve in his brother’s lips - the portion of joy installed in them - and laughed. Snorting, Dean turned to him rolling his eyes:

“What's the matter, Samantha?! You’re laughing too much these days!”

“Me? – he chuckled. – “Look who’s talking.”

“What’d you mean?!” – Dean raised one eyebrow, confused.

“Nothing Dean, nothing. But it’s good to see that you’re happy.”

“Happy?!” – He choked, crossing his arms.

Sam just looked at him up and down then deliberately eyeing the direction of Castiel’s room, returning to face his brother. And that’s it, Dean's ears almost catch fire.

“Stop talking shit, Sam!”

“But I haven’t said a word.”

Oh, right, he had not really said and ... Dean just gave one more reason to laugh. Genius Winchester, simply genius.

“Fuck you, Sam!”

Turning on his heels, Dean left the kitchen. Sam returned to his notebook, more laughing erupted from his throat as he typed on the keyboard.

Dean rubbed his eyes, combing his hair before hitting Castiel's door. What he was doing? Acting so thoughtlessly in front of Sam? Okay, his brother also knew him too well to notice his mood swings. The hunter was reluctant, but he knew it was too transparent when affected by ... For ... For this swirl going from his belly to the chest, then to his face and back to the abdomen every time he thought of Cas. And sometimes the swirl warmed down further to his lower abdomen, pumping blood in the wrong places.

Cleaning his throat, Dean widened his orbs getting rid of these ideas when Cas opened the door.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey. All done? Need anything else, Cas?”

“I believe not.” – He answered, going back inside and analyzing the dresser.

The door remains open and Dean found that a silent invitation to enter the room. The walls were still dull, but he can see the blue sheets stretched in bed. It made a nice tingling spread across his face.

“Oh, perhaps…”

Castiel pondered, catching Dean's attention:

“What, Cas?”

“I feel my face stinging. I believe it requires a new trim.”

“Ah!” – Dean smiled – “No problem, Cas. We can do it.”

“Thank you Dean. Does humans do this often?”

“Depends. There’s people who like to leave a beard.”

“I see. Does it have a connection with hair caring? Like Sam?”

Dean gasped one laugh, swallowing dry, but his lips remained pursed in a smile:

“Yeah, something like that.”

Pondering, the former angel left his gaze vague, until staring Dean again:

“I would prefer to shave it, Dean.”

“Okay. I’ll take the razor.”

“I apreciate.”

“Dude, relax, it’s nothing.”

“I believe in this. Yet it makes me really happy to know how much you and your brother care.”

Going one step further, Dean stopped purposely trespassing Castiel’s personal space - after all, the two had already forgotten about these limits.

“Remember what I said in the junkyard, Cas?” – Queried, seeing the former angel nod. – “We’re family, we take care of each other. Always.”

With a smile, Cas risked to place his hand over Dean’s elbow, slightly squeezing the fabric of his shirt.

“Thank you.”

Ah. Cas become so guileless with this peaceful expression. Dean had to bite the inside of his mouth before going any further- Hey. He could now move forward, right?

Bending his torso, Dean touched Castiel’s lips in a smack, but the former angel did not allow the hunter to move away, pulling Dean's arm to a less chaste kiss, full of tongues, hot breath against each other. Dean took his palm to Castiel's jaw stroking the stubble. Almost gluing their chests, Dean took another step forward, exploring with his flesh all the corners inside Cas’s mouth, feeling the soft and gentle tongue slide with caustic saliva on his. Without any space between the lips, the moaning and panting gasps came out from their throats, purring in the pressure coming from the kiss.

In a quick inhale they separated. Castiel opened his eyelids with irises blackened coating the blue area, no longer as bright, but exuding a lustful desire. Facing Dean he, oh, he noticed how dilated the hunter’s eyes were - as much as his, if not worse. The mouths ajar continued releasing hot air, together with the sprawling mild redness in their faces.

Dean reached down to Castiel's waist pulling him. And, oh yes! The hunter can clearly feel the shape of the marked line in the middle of his jeans. Castiel tried to hide it, turning the hips to the side, but Dean held in the grip, compressing its own volume on the former angel.

A satisfying growl escaped from Castiel, and now he advanced in the touch, hating the amount of clothing separating them. Dean noted his disquieting, leading his fingers to the hem of his loose pants. The mind fogged, and nothing made sense, there was no room around him, no solid material, nothing else mattered; only he and Cas there. By having the tip of Dean's phalanx touching above the hipbone skin, Castiel shivered with a strong chill spreading through his body, going from the lower abdomen to the ends of his bulge trapped inside their jeans.

A quick kiss on the former angel’s neck and soon Dean parted his lips kissing his shoulder in small openmouthed kisses, biting the skin little by little. Castiel wrapped his arms around the hunter's neck throwing his head back, giving him more space for the languid caresses. His eyes were still closed, but Cas opened them slightly when feeling the new bite below his ear.

The two remained some time without facing each other, until finally their eyes meet - blue in green - and Dean had to rest his forehead against Castiel’s in an attempt to calm their spirits. This was happening. For real.

Sam was well and safe, Kevin also. Castiel would not leave, on the contrary, he will be there. With him.

“This is it?”

Dean managed to say among panting breaths. His stomach twisted with the new words forming up, unable to complete the sentence or his reasoning. That had to be enough.

And for Castiel was, because he knew all the unspoken details interleaved in such a small sentence from Dean.

_'This is it, the two of us, Cas, you and me from now on, killing things, saving the world and all this shit. This is it. You and me, Cas.'_

Castiel stretched his lips with a quick laugh. That’s exactly what he imagined happening inside Dean’s head. And for the hunter, he meant it, every hidden word. He and Cas. So that’s it. There. Nothing else needed to be said.

“Yes, Dean.”

It was the only and necessary response from Castiel. Dean smiled, sealing his lips on Cas. The kiss could turn into something more, since the two were obviously too dizzy with the sudden certainty installed on them; but Castiel globes hovered in the still-open door of his room and he noticed the strong light coming in, listening to the keyboard sound of a computer.

Reluctantly, the former angel took a deep breath, giving small kisses on Dean's neck, reaching his jaw, and finally stopping in a snap in his mouth:

“Sam will be okay with this?”

Oh! Shit! Sam!

The way Dean hissed, dragging air between his teeth clarified everything to Castiel. He didn’t said a word to his brother.

“Dean.” – He called in an accusatory tone.

Huffing, the hunter backed off, putting his hands inside his pockets and leaving the room:

“Yeah, Yeah, got it! This’s stupid! For fucks sake!”

Stupid, but necessary, after all, he so would not walk around the Bunker hearing Sam's jokes. It would be better to end it once and for all. Also, Dean wanted to see Sam’s face as he heard the news. Oh, yes, this thought made Dean happy again.

Sam leaned over the large table of the Bunker smiling at the mobile screen. Seriously, Dean haven’t seen him with that kind of face in a while. Well, Sam was always better than him with the making friends thing. Man, it was hard to imagine that Dean himself had made friendships over the years. But deep down he knew that Sammy was responsible for maintaining their contacts. Dean just had on his phone the number of some hunters, Sam, Charlie and Kevin. Damn! Thinking now he had to give a new mobile to Cas, his was very old ...

Oh, right, Cas. One problem at a time.

Well, everything had settled, right? He and Cas were ... Together. Ah, when Charlie finds out she will squeal. First, she would make fun of him, and then freak out. Dean laughed inside imagining the scene. Sometimes these small details distract them from the creatures, the monsters, the problems and the world's weight on his back. He did not forget their duties; that was not it. However, Dean wondered if even he, Sam and Castiel deserved moments of quietude. 

And yes, Cas had been providing many of these moments. Even before. The former angel always hovered him, always helped when needed, knew when to stop Dean, when to let him go forward, and, in some cases - which were a big amount - beat the crap out of Dean when he made the greatest dumbest things of his life. And, oh, how Cas’s punch hurt even without his grace. The guy had a heavy right hook.

Ah! Dammit! Cas! He needed to start this conversation with Sam!

Clearing his throat, Dean sat on the edge of the front desk. Sammy looked up to him with a nod, continuing typing on his cellphone. Twisting his neck, Dean put his hand on his nape rubbing it. Oh, shit, that will be fucking strange... Snorting, Dean opened his mouth, then closed, opened again and finally said:

“Sam, I, uh, have... Something to tell you.”

His brother watched him with interest, dropping the cellphone on the table, for Dean looked serious.

“Bad news?”

“Ah… No, no, nothing bad.”

“Okay.”

Sam waited while Dean could only scratch his nape and clean his throat. What should he say?

_‘Hey Sam, I’m doing the horizontal tango with Cas.’_

Nope.

_‘Cas, me, that’s it!’_

Uh, terrible.

_‘Sam, those movies you like to watch...’_

For fucks sake, no way!

_‘Hey Sam! Did you know that Cas have a nice ass?’_

Fuck... Each second passed seemed to disturb Dean’s mind even more, turning the whole thing into a dolt comedy.

Besides, it wasn’t a question of ‘coming out of the closet.’ Dean didn’t felt this way with other dudes, not before, not now. After all, Jesus! It was Cas! Dean thought of him as... Cas! These rules seemed more and more senseless to him. Oh, well, Dean like to break rules, right?

“Dean?”

Sam called and the hunter raised his eyes for the first time staring at his brother. Letters became syllables, then words, phrases, and then, holy shit, it all bursts out in one breath:

“Cas-and-I-are-together-like-together- _together_ -don’t-be-a-bitch-about-it-I’ll-go-out-to-grab-a-pizza.”

In one second all the words came entangled on one another, with no pauses, no breaks. Everything tossed on the fan. Sam opened his lips seeing Dean leaving the table and walking to the kitchen.

“Cas, we’re going to grab a pizza!”

The hunter called putting his jacket on seeing the former angel leaving his room with a book in hands.

“For supper?”

“Yeah, genius, common.”

Castiel left the book on the table where he stared at Sam and his catatonic condition. His eyes were wide open, mouth parted, his face pale and an expression that could only be translated as: terror.

“Dean?”

He called for the hunter in an interrogative voice that implied the simple question: _what the hell is happening to your brother?_

Rolling his eyes, Dean simply got out the door going to the impala. Castiel still tried do decipher Sam, however something told him it would be better to leave him deal alone with whatever his private crisis was, following Dean outside.

Alone in the Bunker, Sam remained inert. His phone on the table, astonish face, and a million of words, questions, popping no stopping on his brain making him glitch.

Completely paralyzed Sam didn’t believe what he heard, what his brother have said. No, no, it wasn’t that. Sam didn’t believe Dean jus gave up the pedestal of ‘eternal feminine curves lord and master’ and, at least admitted, his more than obvious crush for Castiel. Holly shit, more than that, he said they were together.

To-fucking-gether.

Five minutes after a monumental silence, in a loud sound, a noisy and unhurried _‘oh.my.fucking.god!’_ echoed on the four corners of the Bunker.

 

 


	19. Breath

Panting noises of muffled kisses, licks and brush of skins came from inside the impala and it’s backseat. Castiel’s shirt was in the middle of his chest, revealing his flat abdomen, where Dean's fingers traced a circular motion on his ribs, ‘till side of his navel. Dean’s digits slipped tight and strong over clear skin. Cas’s coat was on the car floor as well as the hunter’s and they just continued with their shirts due the low temperature that, even in the midst of the heated action, insisted on entering the car through the cracks of windows.

Cas had his hands Below Dean’s waist. The belt is well buckled and prevented him from palming others parts of skin, and the former angel could only put his fingertips within the fabric of the jean’s hem, knocking at the beginning of Dean's hipbones. And the hunter loved the touch of Castiel there, who excited him without knowing it.

And other things Cas knew very well how to provoke in Dean. How by slowly licking his neck as he tangled his fingers on the back of Dean’s head he moaned softly against his lips. Or when he began to palm with a moderate pressure his fingers through the hunter's shoulder, griping at the collar of his shirt with a slight tug revealing the beginning of his collarbone. Dean felt an electric current batting on his nerves. The muscles responded causing diffuse sounds, grunts amid the kiss, sticking his chest in Cas’s, because his body had become limp with that touch so well contrived by the former angel.

Dean slide his tongue through Cas’s neck. His legs opened on his lap; Cas over him on the bench, making Dean lift his head until finding his mouth.

Half opening his eyes Castiel could see from the parking lot the number of their request popping on the store window.

“Dean, I believe your pizza is ready at the restaurant.”

Castiel manage to say with puffy moans while Dean’s hand comes under the fabric of his clothes, climbing to his chest. Dean hummed, nodding his head, but continued to kiss Cas, lifting his hands until finally removing his shirt.

“Dean.” – Castiel repeated, puffing, however despite his protests his fingers never let go of the hunter’s shoulders.

“I know, I know.” – Dean murmured as he sucked the smaller one neck, starting to lift from the bench, until Cas was completed seat on his lap.

Dean's forehead stuck in Castiel's shoulder as his kisses were scattered across his collarbone, making a pattern from the outside in, then returning through the same way slowly, going down to the middle of his chest. Biting his lip, Cas left a satisfactory grunt escape his throat, keeping his eyes open in order to admire the trajectory Dean and his mouth made at his chest in slow licks. That until the hunter separated the lips in an open kiss over his nipple.

Cas moaned a stammer, throwing his head back. His hand ingrained in Dean's hair while the other girded his back. Enjoying the reaction, Dean smiled bending to give him another kiss there, this time trying to suck the soft flesh into his mouth, swirling his tongue along the circumference of the nipple. He bites, licks and sucks that piece of Castiel, until he unravels in a complete mess in Dean's arms.

“Do you like this, Cas?” – Asked with a grating, cocky voice, smiling in a new kiss on his chest.

“Yes.” – A little embarrassed he answered, but avidly ready to receive a new wave of pleasure when Dean took his other nipple in his mouth.

The nails dug into the surface of Dean's skin causing small marks, but nothing permanent. Castiel allowed the hunter to abuse his body because he loved to realize how much he was desired, that he can cause this commotion in Dean as he also felt the same possession in him - the stomach swirling every time he touched the hunter. It was amazing, scary and delicious.

The warm skin that trades with each other through the heat of soft and violent touches, the languid and chaste kisses, a raw and calm grip, one luxurious and pleasant lick; everything and every detail abandoned in each other's bodies marked, testified that it was real, that they belonged - in a possessive and unique way - only to them and nobody else.

Castiel would appreciate those marks on his body left by Dean, as he would do in the hunter's chest, on his neck, his back, on each flank, his thighs; all belonged to him.

And he belonged to Dean.

In a jolt, Cas legs have expanded, opening more over Dean's lap in an invitation. In the middle of the movement the hunter allowed a low moan to echo through the trachea, being forced to leave the little game with Castiel’s nipples. The jeans of his pants had been too tight to contain the volume between his legs, which grazed over Cas’s. Up and down the hips following the same rhythm, wetting the fabric while their muscles stiffened more and more making the jeans an unbearable piece of clothing.

Dean wanted to get rid of it. Rubbing his flesh on Castiel directly, without anything between them. He wanted to see him spread on the impala, legs apart; ready to receive it in the thrusts, slowly sinking into him and…

And Dean will have sex with another man.

Even before he never have felt any attraction for men.

Worst of all in the realization was that ... He is more excited than ever.

Stopping to move, Dean felt Castiel’s waist still moving on his own, but the former angel questioned the sudden break leading his palms to the hunter’s face, halting. Cas noticed the desire shinning in Dean orbs, but he also saw the hesitation.

“Are you alright, Dean?”

And ... Shit. Cas was staring at him. Confused, not understanding anything, worried and shit, Dean had lost his air, without words or actions. He left the stunned expression on his face stamped soundless, opening and closing his mouth, raising concern on Cas’s, and shit, shit, shit!

“Dean?” – He repeated pressing his fingers on the hunter’s jaw.

A loud ‘beep’ emerged from outside the car. Askance, Dean can see the pizzeria sign flashing the order number again. Bingo, the master output:

“We have to grab the pizza!”

He spoke somewhat uncertain, trying to shake off Castiel to put his coat back. The smallest tilted his neck to the side staring at Dean with his lost gaze, and Dean just tried to ignore the desire to give him another kiss.

Seconds later Cas began to dress following Dean out of the car. He was right, after all they had gone to the pizzeria with a clear objective. The actions in the impala - Dean's idea - was a ‘way to kill time 'while waiting’. Cas did not expect to move ahead more than a few exchanges of caresses as they had done during the trip back to the Bunker. However, Castiel would not oppose the continuation of their actions. He knew very well what that implied; the excess of kisses, chests on fire, the heat in his lower abdomen. His body wanted Dean, as well as the hunter wanted him.

At least that’s what Castiel thought until they abruptly stopped.

Maybe... Maybe Dean still had doubts? Oh, yeah, Castiel was somewhat innocent, but not stupid. He knew the hunter long enough to distinguish what thoughts wandered Dean's mind only by confronting his transparent eyes. The hunter said more with reactions than words.

Dean wanted him, but the cumulative uncertainty in his brain curbed him. And Castiel did not want it, did not want half actions. Cas aimed to complete give himself to it – to them. But Dean needed to follow side by side, or else everything, all the problems and challenges they crossed, would be worth nothing.

On the way back, Cas said nothing, just watching the road. Dean looked at him askance and, holy shit, Cas was pissed. He could see in the tense manner in which his back reclined on the bench, the hardness in his expression and stiffness in the jaw. Shit. Dean had screwed beautifully this time. He sighed, plotting a way to explain it to Castiel.

Shit, he had no idea. He hated excuses, hated getting sentimental dialogues. He hated not knowing what to do.

So he emerged in silence, waiting for time to take care of slow wounds. What, of course, didn’t happen.

An hour later, Sam heard the Bunker’s door followed by the footsteps of Dean and Castiel. He had recovered from the initial shock and was ready to 'congratulate' the two, but stopped with his mouth open as he felt the tension emanating in the air. Swallowing hard, Sam ventured:

“Something happened?”

“No, nothing. Pizza’s on the table, come eat.” – Dean answered not giving openings for a talk.

Sam thought twice before heading to Cas. The former angel looked even more indecipherable than Dean. Snorting, he just followed them in a dull and quick dinner, clearing his throat before leaving the room and going straight to his room. He did not understand anything. Two hours ago the two of them were ready to fall on top of each other and ... Ew, again, he did not want to think about those things about his brother.

Alone again, DeanandCastielfinishedthrowing the leftovers on the trash, as they wouldif this wereanotherquietnight.ButCasdid not turnhis gazetowardsDeanandviceversa.They avoided each other, obviously.

After what happened in the car Castiel was not sure if Dean was sure with things between them. Even after what they assured earlier in his new room ... The former angel turned on his heels, facing Dean the kitchen. He had opened a new bottle of beer typing something on the computer laying at the table. Castiel stepped forward, stopping nearby. Dean did not seem to want to be bothered, nor showed a friendly face. When he entered in this sullen mood it was better to let him cool down. And that's exactly what Castiel did.

“Good night, Dean.” – He said with a lower voice.

At this time the hunter looked up to Cas, but he had was already walking to his room. Dean could call. Could tell he wanted to continue where they left off in the car, he could say a bunch of things to the former angel. But as always he preferred to be silent, listening to the sound of Castiel’s door closing.

Cursing, Dean finished his beer throwing the bottle in the trash. In firm steps he walked to the Bunker's rooms, stopping in front of Cas’s. He raised his hand ready to knock, but ... He had no idea how to start, what to do or say. Rubbing his face he thought its better to sleep and put his brain in place before he fried. Shit, why everything in his life have to be so complicated ?!

He was stretched in bed after putting loose clothing, connecting the headphone on his cellphone and listening. He can sleep listening to the world's best music to calm down: Metallica. The next day, he would make a breakfast for him, Sam and Cas in a lighter and peaceful atmosphere. Then he would know what to do. Yes, that's right, he just needed to sleep and ward off those thoughts.

But ... Instead, his head insisted on reflect about his hesitation in the impala with Castiel, eventually spending the next few hours with wide eyes, looking at the white ceiling of his room.

Although Dean understood that he wanted Cas, it was still difficult to adjust this desire in a male body.

Come on, kiss and make out, skin on skin, was good and all that jazz - okay, it was much more than good, it was fucking great - but the biggest problem freezing his brain was all the way waist down.

Dean, at the motel, was half awake, knowing what he was doing reflexively. His body moved of their own accord, touching and squeezing Cas - even down there! They were still dressed, and not come to anything done, but the feeling was certainly something that would blow Dean’s brains for a while. When he regained consciousness on the next morning, or rather, now in his bed, Dean frowned as his mind exploded on numerous issues.

About sex? Well, he knew A LOT! Not just things considered 'normal'. He had been with women before rather inclined to the performance of a 'not so natural sex', so he knew a lot about all kinds of sexual interactions - but the question is: only with women.

How, where, when to do something, he’s absolutely a natural master of the carnal arts. And that was exactly where the wound is itching. With Castiel it was not just sex. He is Dean’s best friend, the guy at which Dean had a 'male crush' for almost six years! Someone so important to him that Dean even believed it is impossible to live without the former angel. Cas was more than one night only.

Of course all these thoughts about sex with another guy caused a whirl in his mind, but it was more a matter of inexperience than revulsion. A switch must be connected in Dean’s head, because his face stood with this observation while it terrified him at the same time.

Dean did not mind a bit to do with another man. What made him hesitate was how to do it with Cas because, man! The former angel meant so much to him!

He cleared his throat blushing a little. Okay, he would never let anyone know about this chick-flick moment.

More than anything, Dean wanted to clarify things with Cas. However he did not know where to begin. It was then that he remembered Sam, bending over the kitchen table earlier with his cellphone and an idea crossed Dean’s mind. Picking up the phone beside the desk he sought one number starting to type, and becoming more flustered due to the anxiety. The hunter sent the message instantly without reviewing it:

 **D:** Cas, r u wake?

Moments later his phone buzzed:

 **C:** Dean, I find it difficult to comprehend your communication through the cellphone.

 **D:** Ah, shit! My bad dude, I forgot you don’t have the costume to write.

 **C:** It’s alright, Dean. You asked me something, what is it about?

 **D:** Uh. You answering me kinda solves the question.

 **C:** How?

 **D:** Dude, never mind.

 **C:** Can I go back to rest now, or there’s something else you want to discuss?

 **D:** Yes.

 **D:** I mean, no!

 **C:** Dean?

 **D:** Just give me a second to think.

 **C:** Alright. While you prepare yourself, do you mind to enlighten me on one query?

 **D:** Say it.

 **C:** If we are only a few feet away what’s the reason to exchange messages through an telephone device?

 **D:** Uh, it’s something people do.

 **C:** Even being so close?

 **D:** Yeah, sometimes.

 **C:** This is odd.

Dean laughed in his room.

 **D:** I agree.

 **C:** You’re not exhausted? That’s the reason for this conversation?

 **D:** Well, actually yes.

 **C:** I can come to your room.

 **D:** NO!

He paused for a moment, wondering if he had been a little rude. Well, Cas couldn’t see him, so... Whatever, Dean coughed returning to type.

 **D:** I mean, we can be lazy and keep talking on the phone until we’re tired.

 **C:** Seems reasonable.

Truth be told, Castiel still needed to understand what had happened in the parking lot and Dean looked more comfortable without visual contact, willing to talk.

Nevertheless, Cas was already pretty tired, but he could pretend for the sake of keep talking - writing - with Dean.

Two minutes passed with no news of any side, until Dean finally breathe his courage in, wondering what Cas will reply, and if he ... if he would be willing to continue and 'try' with him.

Yes, that was the question stuck in his head. To think somebody accepted and wanted him was an issue Dean didn’t like to poke on one night stands. But then again: Castiel is different.

Hell, he’s different! This whole thing of almost losing his brother – again – seeing Cas dying in his arms... He was not a sentimental person, but there’s so much one can stand at a time.

 **D:** Cas, I kindda wanna ask you something.

 **C:** Yes, you mentioned.

Dean breathed in again.

 **D:** I wanted to know how…

More silence and Castiel though the hunter had slept.

 **C:** Dean?

 **D:** Yeah, I’m awake! Just… Uh… Man, I don’t know how to say it.

 **C:** Technically you’re typing.

 **D:** Ha, ha, very funny.

 **C:** I wasn’t trying to be funny.

Dean rolled his eyes smirking to himself. Cas and his too literal Spock logic.

 **D:** Anyway, I wanted to know if you’re sure, ‘k? About what happened earlier in the car…

In his room Castiel looked dismayed at the screen. He hoped that Dean's mood had improved, rather than the usual impatient, and before the easy way which they talked now disappear, the former angel began typing quickly:

 **C:** I apologize if you felt pressured Dean, that was not my intention.

 **D:** What?! No, Cas! It was me who! God!

 **C:** Something wrong?

In his bed, Dean snorted rubbing his neck. This was being more difficult than imagined:

 **D:** No Cas. It's just I’m the one who must apologize.

 **C** **:** Why?

Running a hand over his face hunter continued to write. This shit needed to end tonight, or Dean would punch himself in the face. So much drama over a stupid thing! Come on! You do better than this Winchester!

 **D** **:** Because I didn’t want to be a jerk, okay? I know that you are a 'fresh human', and you do not have much experience, so I ... I kind felt ... You know? That you must be sure. About ... 'Doing' it with a guy.

Cas did not answer immediately and that, yes, left Dean breathless. Had he begun to think clearly now? Was he sorry about what they were doing or were going to do? After all, Cas still had to learn a lot about human life.

Shit! Maybe Dean had been fucking things all that time; rushing everything, not asking Cas!

Frustrated, he buried his face in the pillow wishing to disappear. A little tiredness chilled through his body and he almost dozed off. Then his phone starts ringing; one huge message appearing on the screen:

 **C:** I believe you're trying to be nice Dean, and for this reason I feel flattered. But could you not classify me with a label of 'inexperience'? I am a heavenly being. With old ages, I witnessed many acts in the history of the universe. And as a human, I have engaged sex before, if you do not remember.

Choking, Dean grabbed hard at his telephone:

 **D** **:** I know that Cas! What I mean is ... With another guy it will be ... different!

 **C** **:** I'm aware of that.

 **D** **:** So ?!

 **C** **:** So what Dean? Physical bodies do not carry the magnitude of importance which you give them. We are energy. Do you believe that because we are determined as two male specimens we should 'think' about the implications of a sexual relationship between us?

He did not answer, because Dean knew Cas was writing with a suppressed rage. And maybe, just maybe, he was right.

 **D:** Cas, look ... I’m sorry, it went out wrong.

 **C:** Perhaps this implies other reason.

 **D:** What do you mean?

 **C:** That it’s you who are hesitant and troubled.

Bull’s eye.

 **C** **:** If this is the reason, I believe it is you who should reconsider.

 **D** **:** Hey, hold on, don’t point a finger at me!

 **C:** Why not if I'm right?

Dean growled. Fuck! Cas knows how to be annoying – even via text. And Dean answered him really fast, not pondering, not looking back at the message when he sent it.

 **D:** Cas here’s the thing: I had never before thought about it, okay? Not with another guy! Come on! This shit is fucking new to me! And you are my best friend!

Oops, he had pressed ‘send’ without even blinking. Seriously, Dean Winchester can be bad in any kind of communication.

Another moment of intense silence and Dean almost threw the phone on the wall:

 **C** **:** Do you want me Dean?

This was so direct that Dean blushed. Sincerity, Castiel’s most powerful weapon. The hunter gasped. Of course he wanted Cas! Holy shit! He had even dreamed of it! And detail: the two were not even together.

 **D:** The answer is yes, Cas.

 **C** **:** So why don’t you believe I want you too?

That was a punch in the stomach. Dean felt sick because he was really a jerk. He believed in Cas. The former Angel was the first to confess, for fuck’s sake!

 **D:** Cas, man, I believe you.

 **C:**  Then why did you stop?

It was time for a bit of truth among them. After all, Dean hid so much from Castiel and Sam. At least this, this small amount of naked truth he can provide - even if the feeling of vomiting still haunts it. Fucking sentimentality! Why it always had to involve feelings ?! It’s Sammy who should be the sensitive one!

At least talking on the phone was easier than dealing face to face.

 **D:** In the car earlier, I was kind of surprised with myself, Cas.

Cas's forehead wrinkled in confusion:

 **C** **:** Why?

Dean sighed:

 **D:** Because in addition to be kissing another guy I also wanted to continue, to go ahead until I have everything I wanted, okay? This is a fucking shock to me Cas! I almost could not breathe!

A heartwarming feeling filled Castiel's chest. His heart started jumping wildly as he read every word, seeing Dean be really honest with him; the hunter who hated, not to say had disgust, to talk about feelings.

And this? Receive this truth from him? It was the final proof that Dean could have given to Cas.

His face rose and a big smile made Cas laugh. He also needed to show Dean his emotions, yet he would do it on his terms:

 **C:** I understand that breath, for humans, is an essential nourishment to the body. I read in a book that attested that the oxygen feeds the brain for it to work and make every part of the body function properly.

Dean's eyebrow arched in an obvious confused expression of incomprehension with the abrupt change in topics. How Cas could skip into a scientific discussion over what Dean had said is a mystery. The guy is a fucking dictionary! But Dean could understand - in part - or perhaps wanted to believe that this must have something in common with what they were arguing, so he just let it be, following the river:

 **D:** This is ... Correct, I guess.

Cas was so literal and polite sometimes. Dean thought he would be able to be a teacher. Okay Winchester, stop fantasizing about it before your head explodes with images of a 'teacher Castiel.'

And the former angel continued:

 **C** **:** Basically, one can say, as I noted in poetry, breathing - as an involuntary action - is the essence of human life, stating that someone lives. And if there is no breathing, death completely consumed that soul, ending its cycle.

 **D** **:** That’s correct again, Cas.

His words formed almost a poem, Dean noted. But he was still puzzled, not quite understanding why Cas was saying these things. Maybe he was really tired and his mind was is dreamland, but then - and this was a turning point - Dean received the most amazing and astonished confession of his life:

 **C:** I need you, Dean. More than I need to breath.

That was it, that’s the way Cas used to express his emotions. While Dean preferred the thoughtless actions and impulsive manners, Castiel was a man of words, and as the old writers in the world, his tongue was a sharp weapon.

And that message, right there, left Dean static. He glued his globes on the phone, mouth dry and...

Holy fucking shit!

Dean's jaw dropped open, eyes widening almost jumping out of his orbits. He could clearly imagine the calm look on Cas's face with his huge smile crossing those full lips while writing this sentence.

A deep gasp came out of Dean's throat. It was just ... It was so terribly; 'fucking mad! He just ... he needed ... Holy shit! He just wanted to fucking hold Cas right now!

Biting his lip, Dean felt the blood rushing out of the wound he had opened inside his mouth. Enough. That was it, no more excuses or doubts. Cas. Him. Fucking. Now!

The impulsive personality took control of the hunter instincts again, and Dean just noticed what he was doing after entering Cas’s room.

The former Angel sat up immediately with the thud of the door. Castiel looked at the hunter in the eye with a puzzled expression on his face. Dean could, however, distinguish in the blue iris a small amount of surprise and satisfaction by seeing him.

And Castiel, he was a former warrior of the Lord. He fought against armies, killed demons, he died and rose again many, many times; an old existence with enough knowledge to make any philosopher bow; expert in several languages as if they were native to him. Yet only one word crossed his lips over the vison of the man staring intensely at him:

“Dean.”

Dean kept his emerald eyes fixed on Castiel’s indigo blue. The former angel wore a thin and lightweight white blouse sticking on his chest as it expanded with his hurried breath. One thigh was exposed on the side of the bed, with the rest of his waist and legs hidden by the blanket. The disordered ebony hair, with small black strands falling on his forehead; beard poorly made, the subtle creating a soft shadow on his chin and jaw line. Beautiful.

Dean's mouth flickered separating and a wave of desire went through his nerves, the breath became puffy. Closing the door, Dean stepped forward, never leaving Cas’s vision.

At this moment, Castiel's spine froze in a pleasant chill when he realized what was about to happen.

 

 

**Sam’s messages - 05**

**15/12/2014**

 

**You:**

The two are together! (19:10)

**Louis C.:**

Whut? (19:16)

**You:**

Cas and Dean! TOGETHER! (19:20)

**Louis C.:**

Whow! They confessed?! (19:20)

**You:**

Dean was just here ... Man ... What do I do? (19:21)

**Louis C.:**

Uh ... Tap him in the back and say ‘congratulations?’ (19:22)

**You:**

Dude ... That was a shock! (19:23)

**Louis C.:**

'Cause your brother have a boyfriend? (19:23)

**You:**

No... Boyfriend ?! (19:24)

**Louis C.:**

hahaha! I don’t know! Maybe they are! Who knows! But Sam, are you bothered by it? (19:26)

**You:**

Huh?! No! I was just surprised! I never thought that Dean was going to admit! (19:27)

**Louis C.:**

I understand, my parents freaked out too. (19:28)

**You:**

About what? (19:29)

**Louis C.:**

When I told them I like guys. (19:30)

**You:**

Ah ... (19:38)

**Louis C.:**

Sam, you hadn’t noticed?! xD (19:40)

**You:**

No! I mean, with Cas I thought it had been just a moment! (19:41)

**Louis C.:**

Well, it was. But the fact that he’s hot helped. (19:42)

**You:**

LOUIS! (19:43)

**Louis C.:**

HAHAHA! Calm down Sam! I only say the truth xD (19:43)

**You:**

Okay, but I didn’t need to hear it ... (19:44)

**Louis C.:**

Jealous? ;) (19:45)

**You:**

You wish! (19:46)

**Louis C.:**

HAHA! Just a little Sam! But don’t worry, I think you’re hot too. (19:47)

**You:**

LOUIS! > \- < (19:48 )

**Louis C.:**

Sam, truths! Only truths! XD (19:49)

**You:**

God! You’re an idiot! (19:49 )

**Louis C.:**

Aw Sam, I know that you like to hear these things! (19:50)

**You:**

¬ ¬ (19:51)

**Louis C.:**

xD Ok, ok, I’m done! I will return to my reading! Good luck! Talk to you later, Sam! (19: 51)

**You:**

Bye, you jackass. (19:52)

**Louis C.:**

Bye! (19:53)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we have THE SMUT!  
>  hahahaha  
>  Kisses to you all!  
>  ps: loved a flush Dean Winchester on the phone xD  
>  ps2: wanna have some feelings? Read the new fanfic I wrote:
> 
> [http://archiveofourown.org/works/3832975 ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3832975%20) 
> 
>   
>  I'm sorry beforehand about it (not really!)


	20. We're just another cliché

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut? Yep, smut, smut! Hope you guys like it!

 

The line of sight between them remained fixed for long minutes. Dean's chest inflated tireless, affected by the reality before him. He was there, his hand still wrapped in the door handle as if it would keep him in place. It was a cold winter night and despite the low temperature there was a strong heat climbing Dean’s bones. The half-open mouth pants mismatch breathing and the expression in his eyes had just one translation: hunger.

Castiel corresponded to Dean in the same way. His chapped lips let out a thick breath. The darkness on the room englobed his skin among the pale sheets, making him a highlight in the middle of the bed. The indigo blue orbs flashed a voluptuous sheen, not abandoning the emerald green of Dean's. The hands of the former angel hold the mattress as if without it he could fall. Castiel remained focused on the same point, eliminating the growing anticipation corroding his lungs for air.

One step ahead and Dean began to close the distance, but his feet were unsteady; the vision had been blurred, skeptical that he would ... He could ... With Cas ...

Taking the initiative, Castiel stand up allowing the sheets to slip slowly from the bed. Now they perceived better that both breathed in fast puffs almost as if the bedroom was deprived of oxygen.

Dean’s jaw snapped in the typical movement of uncertainty. Arms pressed against the sides of his trunk, tensioned biceps and a constant, turbulent battery vibrated in his chest. Dean opened his mouth again, but his voice would not come out. Too many thoughts holding his vocal cords.

Castiel did not fail to face him. The intensity of the blue orbs captured Dean as if a spell was cast on the hunter denying him to flinch. And Dean obeyed this silent command. The eyes of the former angel had almost doubled its size due to the arched eyebrows; his forehead wrinkled in a few lines in a starving wait.

Dean gulped and Castiel followed Dean’s Adam's apple making its way up to the hunter's neck - lips even more separated - and in another step, Cas was mere inches away from Dean.

Castiel briefly raised his right wrist stretching his fingers in Dean’s elbow. The soft tip of the phalanges touched the skin causing goosebumps in Dean from the forearm directly to his spine. Cas kept his attention on the touch until he lifted his chin meeting the dilated pupils in Dean, his dry lips due to the unsteady breath, and green globes danced from one side to another watching Castiel and his actions.

Eyes glued together, as is many other times they did so, unaware of the latent desire growing in them, those long moments where they seemed to analyze the soul of one another.

Dean felt completely stripped by the penetrating gaze, the only one able to break all his defenses and bring to the surface every hidden detail of his being.

The time that followed was the decisive second. Dean realized there was no turning back or uncertainties when Castiel - still staring with the same might on his eyes - clutched his hand on Dean’s arm, running his tongue over his lips moistening it.

“Dean.”

The mention of his name in a tone one octave lower provoked a new chill on the hunter. Castiel’s hoarse voice cut his throat hitting an unsuspecting - and ready to give in - Dean, who gritted his teeth almost cracking his jaw. The emerald eyes closed quickly as if to spare him of Cas’s vision, of the man’s staring capable of inciting the hunter only with that husky timbre. And Dean knew that his name immersed in the brief melody of Castiel's voice was full of anxieties and shameless wills that both possessed.

Reopening his eyelids what Dean had in front of him was not just another man burning with want. He saw every tiny detail that linked him to Castiel stemming in blue eyes, digging into his depth. There were the lies and regrets, but above them, high above, was mutual altruism, sacrifice, friendship, and even more this new yearning increasing and growing between them.

What Dean received in this new exchange of glances was ... Everything. Who was he to Castiel and who the former angel was for him.

Biting hislower lip, Castielpatientlywaitedfor Dean'smotion.

And it was the sight of Cas’s fleshy mouth being caught between his teeth that aroused - finally - a reaction. Dean snapped his tongue.

“Fuck it.”

He says, smacking his lips on Castiel’s. One hand grabbing the small of his back while the other stroked his neck. The former angel slapped on Dean's waist, leaning his face to the side to creat an angle for the kiss. Dean started to explore the perfection that is the thick and soft lips of Cas, occupying the inside of his mouth with his tongue.

Embracing Dean's middle, Cas drowned in the kiss, being pushed back to the bed, hitting the back of his knees on the mattress and falling with Dean sprawled between his legs. Both let out a quick _‘oof’_ in the middle of the kiss, but didn’t let it go. The bodies adjusted over the sheets until Dean's waist leveraged with Cas’s; the excitement of both pulsating in unison with the touch of each other through the thin clothes.

A groan escaped from Castiel, and only when the two were able to lie down completely in bed the kissing stopped.

Staring at the flushed face of the former angel below him, Dean shook his waist while a hand stroked his stubble.

“Sorry. I don’t dig the romantic type.”

Castiel smiled pressing his hipbones against Dean.

“I know.”

Smiling, Dean made his mouth join Cas’s.

They needed no romanticism or sweet endearments. They did not need to build anything between them. Gone are the years of this dance that deprived each other’s touch, in which they masked the obvious.

And Dean certainly wanted to keep going. He had gotten rid of any wall inside his head.

Oh, sure thing, but that was only in his mind. Feeling Castiel’s hot skin beneath his shirt was a very different matter.

Dean stopped, raising his head slightly with a zero expression on his face. His heart stirred, but not only because of Cas. More because of the small panic attack.

“Dean, is everything alright?”

“…Yeah.” – Took him some time to answer, but slowly he regained his calmness.

For inside the hunter’s head a simple but significant thought formed: he was in a bed with another guy, feeling another bulge beneath him, and Dean never before experienced anything like this, so it was reasonable he might disliked it. But the funny thing is, he did not feel disgust or anything like that.

In fact, Dean had been enraptured by the realization that he wanted this, and the chill running through his spine was a crude confirmation of it; the beat of his own muscle within the boxer has become an irrefutable truth.

Dean liked the feel of Cas, the well-trained and male body of his best friend, and this was the last barrier holding Dean instead, the 'thing' blocking him. Dean Winchester wanted – in a lustful longing running through his bones and every vein – to be with Cas. God he wanted Cas! He wanted to lick his chest beneath the thin white shirt, feeling the pressure of another dick in his hands, experience the feeling of a hard muscle between his fingers.

Because, holy shit, this is Cas, the person who cared for Dean more than himself. A man dumb and innocent in some ways that fell in love with a bitter, dark hunter. How Dean would not want him?! Of course he wanted! He longed so much for Cas that the veracity of this feeling burned fuddled in his chest.

And leaving Dean completely numb, the groans Castiel made during the kisses excited the hunter in a delicious wave. Who knew a former angel of the Lord could be so tempting, able to grunt sounds so wonderful?

Dean was doomed from the moment he kissed Castiel for the first time. Because since that day his mind was filled with thoughts of Cas in his arms, holding Dean's shirt strongly as if he were to fall out of breath if he didn’t grab the hunter.

For Cas the surprise and amazing sensations were to much. New in this human form - which he had only a few interactions involving touching someone else - doing it so freely was intense for him. Yet it was a nice sensation trailing from his hands to his arms; trembling nerves that carried the warm information through his senses.

A warm and gentle feeling was exchange in this caress. Something that Cas felt when he hugged Sam, for example, telling him with the affection that he cared for the youngest of the Winchesters. The carnal expression of his experience with other humans happened with Meg and Aprill - in a not so happy first time.

All this since his existence as an angel until the fall, giving Cas a small amount of knowledge about relationships between humans.

However, it was all a meaningless skin to skin contact.

No one ever said how would he feel to do it not just driven by lust, but passion, desire, love.

It was better, strong, a powerful turmoil of small shocks spreading in every centimeter of his body, in need for more, demanding an exhaustive touch. Because otherwise his soul would break into a thousand pieces. Without this touch he would never be at peace or complete again.

Castiel believed now that he has not fallen by rebelling against the Angels. No, not at that time.

He was doomed the day he realized he was in love with Dean.

With the digits wishing for more, Castiel drew a gentle and lascivious pressure in Dean’s spine, crawling hands on the sides of his torso, leaving each finger melt sprawled on his waist, holding tight, pulling Dean's pelvis farther down and aligning that part so firm, and Cas found a wonderful pleasure to hear Dean groan every time his muscles pulsed in a rhythmic chord, concise, and nothing else mattered.

Nothing before today seemed right.

Cas was Dean’s certain. It was so cliché, the hunter who fell in love with the angel, but it was the truth, pure, raw and intimately real.

Dean's eyelids were closed as his mouth traced a path of open kisses on Cas’s neck reaching the cavity between his shoulder, snapping kisses on the collarbone tugging at the fabric of the shirt and getting rid of it.

Castiel did the same unable to bear not seeing or touching the bare chest of Dean. His hands closed on the ribcage of the hunter, palming down the buds of the abdomen, slipping the side of his waist just above the boxer's hem.

Dean growled kissing the middle of Cas's chest, slowly going to the ribs on the left side, where he saw the tattoo on Enochian symbols covering the thin skin. Dean smiled as he brushed his lips over the drawn lines:

“This’ the tat you made to get rid of the angel radio, Cas?” – He queried in between a kiss.

“Yes. As well as yours, despite that they are carved in your ribs and-ah!”

Castiel would’ve kept talking but was impelled when he received a hickey over the tattoo, arching his back in satisfaction.

“I like it.” - Dean concluded, licking the Enochian letters, provoking new moans in Cas before lapping his mouth through his’s body.

Dean stopped on the navel depositing kisses around it, rising slowly over the smooth belly, starting to kiss him on each nipple, slowly sucking the meat into his mouth. Cas groaned again engulfing his fingers in Dean's neck. He pushed unintentionally his waist up against the hunter listening a satisfactory purr in response.

Charting the way to the Cas's neck, Dean passed his lips over the pulse there, nibbling his earlobe. In a grunt, Castiel shook Dean’s shoulders while stammering disconnected words:

“This is… Different.”

Dean lifted his head staring at Castiel:

“Bad… Different?” – Dean asked kissing his cheekbone.

“No…” – He replied puffy, lowering his hands on Dean’s back. – “It’s a different… Better than what I experienced. Ah!”

He moaned with the new nib on his earlobe:

“Good. I want it to be different… Better.”

“Yes… Yes, Dean.”

“Do you like it, Cas?" – He bites his ear. - “Do you like it?”

“Yes, and you, Dean?”

The hunter would have answered if he could find his voice, though it was caught in his throat at the same time Castiel kissed his jaw, sliding his lips to his ear where his teeth dug in a quick bite, then the mouth went back to kiss him. Dean swallowed hard, forcing his crotch down without even realizing it. Where Cas learned that?

“Y-yes, I fucking like it, Cas.”

He said at last, kissing him again in a constant motion. Cas was carried away by the commotion of the moist flesh. It was a warm, gentle affection that brought Dean to a lethargic state, but good - very good indeed.

Ignoring any thought that could come between their actions, Dean continued the caresses, his shaking hands placed on the bones of the former angel’s waist, using this line that ran up to the inside of his thighs as a guide for each finger to crawl, creating a path to the hem of Cas's boxer where Dean slide his fingertips under the elastic. The breathing became heavy, almost lost, and Dean laid his forehead on Cas’s shoulder slowly looking down towards his hand as he moved slowly, more and more in, reaching the warm skin of the lower belly. And swallowing hard, looking for courage, he touches for the first time the tip of Cas’s length.

“God…”

He murmured when he felt the wet flesh, using the viscosity wrapping his fingers to slide down his hand. That’s it, no turning back: Dean Winchester is touching another’s guy junk.

Castiel closed his eyes throwing his headback.His mouth opened in a voiceless scream, and Dean lifted his face quickly, eager to see the happy look on the former angel’s mien.

He gulped. Cas face contorted with a mixture of surprise and delight, gasping and throwing his arms around Dean's shoulders, scratching the skin there. The hunter went down kissing each of Castiel’s cheeks, and a new wave of audacity settling in, making him move his palm down on the cock in his hand, hearing a grunt coming from Cas.

The movements continued concise; Dean imagining every moment the times when he touched himself, repeating the actions in Castiel. And the former angel seemed to be enjoying – because the room had been filled by stutterers and disjointed sounds of his coarse voice.

“Dean! Dean!”

Castiel cried, and the hunter had to bite his lips forcing his own bulge against Castiel's thigh, or he would end up coming early. Holy shit, how he can lose control like that ?!

No, it’s not that. It was Cas; the motion of his neck and jaw every time Dean pressed hard his muscle, the groans, the pressure on his shoulders in the embrace - every little strange new reaction affected Dean in a deeper way. Fuck. There were no rules or anything on his mind. Only now, just the need.

Sealing his lips, Dean stopped, sticking his tongue inside Cas's mouth, kissing, slurping and sucking in the same pace as he moved his hand. His steady fingers around the former angel, going from the base to the tip, wet with the pre-cum - the same liquid that flooded Dean’s boxer in every second of deprivation.

“Cas… Cas.” – He hummed, smacking new kisses on his lips.

In response, Dean had groans, scratches and sobbing, until at last the former angel reopened his eyes when the movements around his appeased cock gained a slow but rhythmic commotion. Swallowing hard, blue globes looked into the hunter. Cas could read pure and a straightforward feeling overflowing the black pupils of Dean.

“What’s the matter, Dean? Something wrong?”

He queried seeing the hunter shaking his head.

“No, I…” – He kissed him again, his hand never stopping to feel Cas’s length – "Cas I’m gonna try something. If you-ah-if you don’t like…”

“I want this, Dean.” – Castiel answered placing one hand on Dean’s face – “I thought that was already clear.”

“…Okay.” – With a crooked smile, Dean nodded, filling his mouth with Cas’s.

Gradually his lips slide around his neck, sucking the skin into small marks. The hunter rose his eyes just to make sure he was holding the little tube of lubricant properly and at the sound of a 'pop' Castiel turned his head to the side with a curious expression; like: _where-that-thing-come-from?_

But soon he forgot these questions, because he was probably too stunned by the fact Dean was with him in his room that Cas didn’t noticed the small tube into the hands of the hunter earlier.

Still,Cas looked at him curiously, watching the viscous and transparent liquid fall in Dean's fingers in abundance as he stirred the phalanges in a circular motion. They now shined with the artificial light in the room, fading seconds later as Dean lowered his hand- stopping on his cock. Cas breathed a sigh and his teeth clenched with the new wet feeling running through the head to the baseof his erection but to his surprise, Dean did not stop there. When Dean stared at him Cas noticed just now the little blush on the hunter's face while his breath failed.

Licking his lips Dean dropped his forehead to find Castiel’s and finally, in a last moment of hesitation, Cas saw Dean biting his lower lip at the same instant that his finger circled Castiel’s entry. And, oh, Cas understood now why there were so many questions. This was different, strange, a completely intimate act and therefore so, so stupidly wonderful.

In a gasp, Cas threw his head back being followed by Dean. His mouth kissed the former angel’s cheeks just watching him in search for any refute signal. And when it did not come, Dean grunted in satisfaction, so he could move on. He rolled his finger a few times more, before pushing it in.

The first word crossing his mind was: hot. Inside Cas was boiling, almost overflowing with fever. Slowly, Dean pressed his knuckles one by one, slippery due to the viscous product, allowing an easier passage into Castiel, yet he stopped when he reached the end of the finger’s joint, not moving. Cas's chest rose and fell quickly. The new invasion on his body sounded different than he had imagined, but he didn’t stop to longer for it. His hand gripped the base of Dean’s spine while the other scratched his shoulder, keeping Dean lopsided in a hug.

One of Cas's legs went up between the hunter’s, feeling the hard muscle still within the boxer. In a unique anguish, Castiel pulled them down releasing the excitement of the other. Dean stammered breathlessly as he had his dick wrapped in the fingers of the former angel. Cas loved that. Viewing Dean's eyes closing, the husky and coarse voice blurred in a pleasure moan. He wanted more, ah! How he wanted it!

So as Dean. Wasting no time he moves his wrist back and forth, making the first finger slip in and out of Cas. It was some while after that Dean felt Castiel giving in to the new sensation, relaxing.

Amid a new kiss the hunter began to move faster as a second finger entered. From there on Castiel’s voice become a high roar inside the room - thanks the Bunker for its thick walls; or Sam certainly would enter there in search for answers about their screams (followed by a fucking trauma).

Daring to go further, Dean not only went in and out, but also separated a finger from another, extending each side of Castiel’s entry, forcing the flesh to accept it more and more. With this, Castiel whined, writhing in the sheets. But instead of closing his eyes he kept them fixed on Dean’s green ones, overflowing the desire that emanated from his body in the direct exchange of glances.

The hand around Dean's cock pressed in a new oscillation making the hunter move this waist up using Cas hand to satisfy the urge to be touched, fucking himself on those slender fingers. Now it was he who smeared Cas’s hand while he was getting slippery and harder - ready to continue.

The commotion between Castiel’s legs increased. Dean forced his fingers to the junction, slipping as fast as he could and then his green orbs widened in an unexpected surprise when Castiel arched crying at the same moment that Dean crooks his digits inside him.

“Hurts?” – Dean asks in concern, but Castiel shakes his head innumerous times with a redness creeping on his cheeks.

“No, no! It’s… Good!” – He says in a puff voice. – “Different, but it’s not-ah! Unpleasant!”

“Good.” – Dean smiled – “’Cause this would suck if it wasn’t… Pleasant.”

He crooks his fingers again and yes, that was a too satisfying groan for Dean to confuse it again. Smiling, he kisses Castiel stealing his breath as the hunter kept in memory the place where he had made Cas tremble in ecstasy.

The motions in the middle of Cas’s thighs continued and at every moment further Dean wanted him more. God! How he longed for Castiel! His body, his kisses, the warm touch, hands tracing the movements similarly on his cock!

That's right,Deancouldnotdeny himselfthe will to...Having somethinggood,to receiveat least a small amount ofhappinessin the turbulentlife ofhunting.

Heaven and Hell with the damn Earth in the middle of this shit. Dean, for this brief moment of joy, wanted to relish in it as if there was nothing else around them, no battle, no fight, not the end of the world.

“I need…” – He breathed out, kissing the former angel – “Cas, I need…” – another kiss – “I want… You.”

He said; every word sealed in a short kiss.

“You want?” – Cas asked, groaning.

“Yes, I…” – He curbs his tongue searching for the right phrase, the correct way to pull that out of him – “I’m tired of giving up on things.”

 _‘…To allow_ _them to escape from my hands'._ \- Dean thought, but had been unable to tell the rest of these thoughts – ‘ _So damn me_ _, but I will grab that chance now, while I still have it. While this crazy life allows me to have this slight moment of pleasure.’_

Casswallowed hard, staring atDean's eyes with hisindigoglobes, glimpsing themissing wordsin that sentence. His lipscrooked a smile ashe looked at him, holdingDean'sjawat the sight of thedespairandhatredin the hunter’siris.

For all their losses, the hurt, for that last instant days ago when he thought he’d lost the former angel. Cas pressed his lips against Dean’s stroking his face.

“You have me, Dean. As long as you want me.”

The hunter had some air trapped in his throat as his tongue slipped over Castiel’s. Between kisses he murmured something like _'Always, Cas_ ... _', 'Always you.',_ Another kiss and another, grunting, with Castiel’s hands cluttering his light hair, deepening the kiss.

Words so incoherent, but they made perfect sense to Cas.

Amongthe commotionand the exchange ofempty words,Castieldid not noticethethird fingerfollowingin, making him get rid of thekiss to releasea newsoundthrough his tremblingmouth.

The hunterlicked his lipsmemorizingeach of thesedetails, becausedespite allthe noveltyin bedwithCas,of somethingDeanwas sure: he liked togive pleasure tothe other.

Of course, sex was good at any way, and Dean deeply loves the carnal act. However all in that room is dissimilar - because every touch involved much more than a simple give-and-take. It involved that ball of yarn in the pit of his stomach that Dean refused to recognize.

With a new speed, Dean felt Cas’s interior melting as his fingers opened passage, extending, stretching and preparing the former angel. Everything seemed to be floating in a haze of heavy breathing, and of course the hunter wanted the whole experience to be good for Cas too. Then, he took every minor moan as an incentive to continue moving his digits, leaving them stand still up the junction of his hand.

In the shock of the bodies they did not even notice when Dean started to positioning himself between Cas's legs, still preparing him. Dean seemed to wake from the trance with Cas’s faltering voice:

“Dean, I’m… Ready, now please… I want you too.”

Only now Dean wasable to see Castiel’s erection rigid and sprawled on his belly, damping pre-come around his navel. Swallowing hard, Dean was ready to move when, just after he had spoken, Castiel raised his knees on the bed, putting his legs away from each other and giving more space to Dean in a suggestive invitation, showing to him his stretched hole filled with his three fingers as if he was on a display show.

The hunter widened his globes. His mouth had gone dry and the pupils dilated even more. Seriously, where Cas had learned to be provocative like that?! Giving Dean a chance to possess him that way ... God! He was lost. Seriously. With all the letters, Dean was completely head over hills for Castiel.

Taking a deep breath, trying to stay calm - and avoid looking down where his fingers still lost control inside the former angel - Dean sought on the mattress for something, finding a small package near the lubricant tube - and Cas asked himself again how he did not notice that package in Dean's hand before?

Slowly, after stretching the sides of Castiel’s entry sometime more, Dean removed his hand from between his thighs, getting out of his own boxers. The relief came over his muscle immediately. The fabric was wet, and he did not need to use the lubricant to start to slide a condom on his length. However he stopped in mid-action, hearing Castiel:

“What’s the purpose of this?” – He asks, panting.

“Ah…” - Right, Cas had no idea of what safe sex i – “It’s just a precaution, Cas. Dieses ‘n stuff.”

“In this case it won’t be necessary.”

“Huh?”

Dean could only say that because at the same instant he clenched his eyes in confusion, for Cas kept talking as he placed one of his hands at the base of Dean’s cock - who growled sucking air through his teeth, throwing his head back as he felt the delicious contact in his neglected excitement.

“I’m healthy, Dean.”

“Huh? What?... Ah!”

He could barely form concise words since Cas played with his cock, rubbing the tip of the thumb on the basis of it, dragging lightly the condom up and removing it against Dean’s will - okay, not so against his will - but he still did not understand very well what the former angel was speaking of.

“An angel healed me a few days ago.” – The mention of the episode made Dean open his eyes staring at Cas – “Beyond the physical injuries he also cleaned me from every illness. That’s what an angel does when they heal someone. A ‘good job’, as you might say.”

While Castiel spoke Dean did not even paid attention in his explanation. Cas had got rid of the material involving his dick leaving it completely free.

“I said I wanted this, Dean.” – Cas replies his unspoken question lifting his face to stay face-to-face with the hunter. – “I want only you.”

Dean grunted in approval, kissing him, beginning to slide both hands down his inner thighs until they palm the back of his knees bringing them up. Cas’s waist floated on the mattress and Dean remained firm between his legs - now completely spaced around the hunter’s abdomen and bended over his chest.

In a rushed breath, Castiel felt Dean’s glans slip up his entry causing his lungs to close while his hands tensed on the sheets beside him in search for steadiness.

Noting the tension in the body beneath him, Dean placed his lips on Cas's forehead. The fingers of the former angel gradually let go of the tissue, going to the base of Dean’s spine.

“I’ve got you.”

Dean muttered at the tip of Cas’s ear positioning himself again. With that the former angel seemed to relax. One leg was released by Dean and with a new 'pop' Castiel saw the viscous liquid fall on Dean’s hand again and then be damped it on his cock.With another shudder, Dean straightened up better on the mattress taking the wet and slippery muscle to Castiel’s thighs placing the tip of his dick at his entrance.

Okay, that was it, it was about to happen. After tonight there would be no turning back, it would be just him and Cas, he and all the certain that he had sex with another guy, destroying the moral conventions still hovering the hunter’s head.

Oh well, Dean has never been good at following rules anyway.

With a wry smile he stared at Cas one last time. There was a mixture of nervousness and desire in his eyes. The indigo blue in there was only a thin line around the black pupils, dilated in ecstatic.

Of all the experiences he had; for Cas this was the best one, as he testified, finally, that he had been accepted by Dean and vice versa.

And this certainly comes on a strong burning at the instant Castiel felt the base of Dean’s length entering him - who allowed this invasion in an almost pleading way.

In the first seconds they simply looked at each other. The redness on their cheekbones, the agape mouths and the gazes they exchanged were of pure pleasure and lust. But after it everything was cloudy in Dean's view, because the feeling from inside Castiel was too much for him to endure seeing the former angel’s eyes over him. Closing his green orbs, Dean enabled a satisfactory moan come from his throat as his mouth fell open, unable to keep a quiet voice.

Castiel was not far away. In fact he becomes a mess under Dean. His nails dug at the base of the spine of the hunter and without realizing it his knees parted even more allowing Dean to accommodate between his legs completely.

The pressure of Castiel’s pulsating muscle made Dean stop a few times with the sensitive skin slowly opening up for him. Cas’s interior was so tight, but still accepting him, englobing him completely.

Dean’s cock trembled as he is half buried in Cas. It was different doing in the direct contact with the skin, a feeling he had not experienced for a long time and therefore had to go slowly, getting used to the wonderful jolts in his body.

He had lowered his forehead to find Castiel’s and both grunted in satisfaction roars, unable to utter any word. Risking losing control, Dean narrowed his eyelids getting amazed to find the bright blue of Castiel staring back. There was a hot breath struck among their faces, heating the cheeks of both of them and that quick gaze - like all the other times they shared the same eye glances - encouraged them to go ahead, to take it ‘till the end.

And Dean did it, burying himself completely in Castiel. The hunter's chest puffed out wildly in a loud sigh, and Cas’s back arched removing his waist from the mattress. While his hands gripped Dean’s shoulders forcing him to remain in that arrangement - totally sunk inside as he always belonged there.

They hugged each other. The former angel shouted incoherent while climbing Dean’s back. He laid his head on the hunter’s shoulder breathing close to his ear. Dean already panted heavy, resting the side of his forehead in the top of Cas’s head just enjoying the puckering hole that sucked him, leaving his entire cock to enlarge inside Castiel.

Dean breathed rushed in need to compose himself for a few moments before moving his waist backwards, pulling his cock together. However he could barely move, for Cas drunk him back, not giving space for his motions.

He sucked air through his teeth, being forced to hold firmly the pelvis of the former angel, keeping it fixed in his hands; and his length dug up to the base in a tremendous rejoicing. He felt Cas’s nails scratch further on his biceps as a muffled roar escaped from his throat, and even still he didn’t stop.

“Tight…” – He murmured more as a certain to himself than a question.

In every second spent in Cas, Dean swollen more and more, the burning muscle filling Castiel wantonly. When the legs of the former angel entwined in his waist, Dean grasped Cas’s hips just above the bone and, remaining firm in place, he began to move, rather than himself, Castiel's own body forward and back, forcing him to feel his cock throbbing every time the pressure was relieved in his interior to be pierced again, always going to the base of his length in fast thrusts.

Castiel quivered unable to unite all the emotions into one that was not delirium. Dean was inside him, exploring, expanding, making part of his body gradually - every minute - making them one; and even that was not enough. And may God throw him in hell! Because if this is a sin, Castiel will drown in it.

Dean thrusts in, opening his way in Cas’s body and spreading himself there; the hard flesh pounding on each pull, as Castiel allowed his body to be used and abused by the hunter. Dean buried the scorching cock mercilessly in Castiel, being wrapped by the former angel the deeper he shoves.

He went in unhurriedly as Cas’s tight opening tried to pull him back, causing Dean to moan in guttural sounds when feeling the muscle of his dick going back to that scorching place.

It hurt at first, but Castiel ignored this pain preventing the tears to come down, for he could only think of how he had Dean, how he can finally join the hunter, and this was enough to let him gladly endure this new pain. Because humans completed themselves in this way: between thoughtless and perfect carnal acts, which said nothing and at the same time said it all. Cas could endure this pain turning it into something desired.

Then in a swift plunge, Dean hit that spot, deep, making him roll his eyes with a wave of pleasure running through his nerves. Because who could prepare Castiel for that? Wasn’t it enough the teeming river of his sensations for finally being together with the hunter, but that?! Such a distinguished pleasure in this mortal action?! It was too much; marvelous!

“Dean! Ah-Dean! Yes!”

He began to shout, unsure of what he was saying or why. He just felt an urge to express his feelings in cries. He continued, stammering and whimpering, shaking Dean’s ribs while the hunter girded his pelvis.

“Dammit; shut up, Cas!” – He yelled in the middle of a push.

The former angel looked at him incredulous with the harsh words; however Dean continued preventing him to argue.

“I’m gonna… Be done now if you… Your voice; Urgh!”

And Dean just kept shoving in, then again and again, somewhat violent, pressing his fingers on Cas’s hipbone, pulling his waist where surely bruises would appear later.

However Castiel feared nothing. That was how the hunter operated when something or someone meant too much: with anger; hate. And with that Castiel could cope, he could accept and understand even better than Dean how he indulged in these impulsive actions. Between a grunt and another of pleasure, Cas smiled.

Dean did it without thinking,containing all this hatred a secret. Because yes, he hated himself for being so connected to Cas, being unable to forget the former angel in the many times he thought he lost him, because it is impossible to erase from the memory his face.

Dean hates all of this, because when he loves is always too heavy and arduous for his whole being to handle it. There is so much anger inside of him because at least anger makes sense, and the hole in his chest can be understood. This void that he could now block in those few moments with Castiel. And he hated being so desperately in need of someone else while at the same time he could not help - could not help but be rude and hard on him. And he hated himself for it too.

The hand touching his face seemed to awake Dean from the aggressive torpor, from the rough strokes within the former angel. Dean widened his eyes staring at Castiel’s face; his mien ecstatic, mixed in a contentment of a wry smile, and Dean collapsed.

Ah yes, that was Cas, the man who accepted him in every way, who understood him, knowing that underneath that hard mask there was a box locked with emotions which Dean never dared to unlock. But in that room, amidst the incontrollable and severe movements, alongside Cas's face, he could not help himself; opening the lock even if only for a moment. Dean’s eyes softened in a stunned contemplation of what they were doing, that he was fucking… No… It was not that word he should use. It had to be another, a sweeter and sincere one, but he would never say it out loud - however Dean was able to demonstrate.

Picking up in a slow stir Cas's hand over his face, Dean laced his fingers dragging the palm to his jaw, pausing it over his mouth and kissing it as his eyelids closed.

The impulses of his waist decreased for some time and the hunter stood still sunk in Castiel, just keeping his orbs clenched, kissing andloving Castiel’s gentle fingers with his lips; these hands capable of destroying an entire army of creatures, the same hand that grabbed and saved Dean from hell, the same hand that now could touch him gently.

He kissed him again, leading it to his neck where the former angel left it rested.

Eyes closed, his forehead glued to Cas’s with air wavering from Dean's chest, breathing heavily in a trembling voice.

“Cas, I...”

“I know. I know, Dean.” – He interrupted him, because he didn’t need to hear anything. Castiel already knew everything.

What he wanted, what he craved in that moment was to feel Dean, his body, his want.

Tightening his legs around Dean’s waist Castiel made the hunter immerse forward. Dean moaned understanding the message, shoving mercilessly, coming out and in, one, two, three, four times and more.

Palming one hand over Cas’s chest, Dean slides it down connecting his fingers at the former angel length. Castiel grunted in response. Dean circled his cock seeing Cas writhe, needing to take a deep breath because at the touch Cas’s hole seemed to become narrower. He gulped, trying to keep the movements of his wrist at the same rhythmic he moved into the former angel. His length pulsed in search for more space in Castiel, pressing in up ‘till his groin.

Moaning, Cas embraced Dean’s broad shoulders, tensing his body. This made the hunter groan, wincing slowly, almost falling powerless over Cas. Dean had to stop a few seconds or he would end right there - and he definitely did not want to finish this soon.

“Hey, Cas.” – He whispered – “I can’t… Ah- hold back when you do that…”

And God! When he had become such a chatterbox during sex?! Sure, he had to warn Castiel, but still! Pull yourself Winchester!

Of course, Cas had to take this time to tease him - and really, again, where did he learn this stuff?!

Opening seasick eyes Castiel’s mouth fell agape. Observing the hunter will power, the former angel contracted his abdomen knowing that it would close his interior around Dean.

At this Dean threw his head back leaving a long cry echo on the room, closing the hand around Cas’s cock.

Satisfied with his reaction, Castiel put both hands on the hunter's neck stroking his jaw with his thumbs. He smacked a kiss on his mouth saying in a hoarse, soft voice:

“Then don’t hold back.”

Stupefied, Dean no longer contained himself. Biting his lower lip, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's shoulders pushing them down, thus creating a support to their movements. The new position allowed Dean to go up and down, in and out, drowning in Cas, hearing puffed grunts in response, stuttered whispers suffocated by cries of pleasure.

“Dean! Dean” – The former angel yelled, hitting his hand on the mattress.

“Was it good?”

“Yes!”

“Where?”

“I… Don’t know! When you moved!”

“Here?”

Dean slipped again in Castiel, slowly, hitting him hard in the same place. Cas squealed slamming his hand once more on the mattress:

“YES! YES!”

Cas’s hands climbed at his back for sustenance. The legs of the former angel were suspended in the air with Dean’s waist creating a perfect fit between the bodies, the skins brushing one another.

The hunter's chest fell down against Castiel’s, and both could sense the accelerated heart beating in a rhythm tune.

The caresses were violent again, but now they sought to touch and feel each other in a ruthless need to unite in this tiny space.

The clash of muscles, the sweat dripping from the skin, the wobbly grunts screaming at each other's names as a prayer, as if to reaffirm their presence with hugs and kisses.

Panting, Dean increased the pace biting at Castiel’s shoulder. The former Angel felt his nerves in turmoil when that same delightful spot was hit. His hands closed around Dean bringing him close, wanting to climb through his skin and sink under it. The foreheads stuck together and all Cas could see were the eyes of the hunter wanting, hungry, taking him.

One of Dean's arms came down settling at the small of Castiel’s back rising it. His other hand held the grip on Cas’s cock copying his speed, and Dean tried to not lose control, to not get carried away, however it was too much for him - feel Castiel in flesh against flesh, hearing his moans, inhaling his intoxicating smell covering the room, it all made him crazy, uncontrollable, a beast caged to instinct.

“Cas! I-I’m gonna-mm! Ca-Cas! Gah!”

“Dean!” Castiel yelled. Closing his eyes as he felt the body over him tensioning and Dean’s cock engorged inside him is throbbing hot pushes.

“Fuck-Cas!”

The heat spread everywhere, filling Castiel in a hot jet flowing in all directions. Dean... Inside him completely. It was too incredible to believe, for Castiel to understand what really happened. It was so, then, the mortal act is concluded. Simple and complete. But before he got carried away by the daydream, Dean distracted him with a strong grip on his cock.

“Oh-D-Dean!”

In another push Dean submerged his still hard length in Castiel, pulling the hot liquid he had just gushed out and in again, soaking Cas’s buttocks. Castiel’s entry now received him without trouble, making Dean’s new thrusts easy to slide. Cas whimpered - hot air escaping from his mouth - moaning as his dick was grasped again. The friction from before made him sensitive and took only two more strokes on the same pleasurable point, and it was he who poured the warm liquid on Dean's fingers, moaning in shaky gasps.

Nothing was like that before, this act that mixed pleasure and emotions. A commotion so human and real that Castiel wondered how he could neglect for so long his feelings for Dean, and what they long could have been.

Yet perhaps it was better that way, in that uncontrolled wait that eventually led to one of the - likely - best nights of their lives.

Dumbfounded by what just happened Dean stretched his lips weakly, holding Castiel in a new kiss. His cock was still pointing in the former angel, deviling touching him, keeping the two inebriated.

Dean slowly drowned in a final blow feeling a final spurt escape into Cas’s boiling insides. The former angel growled closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling he had learned to love. He missed Dean when he got out, but soon after the hunter fell on his back besides him. Mesmerized, they remained gasping just catching their breaths.

Twisting his neck to the side Dean saw the blush still present in Cas's cheekbones. The redness matched so well with his pale skin, highlighting the blue orbs. Seconds later Castiel met his gaze and all that Dean can do - besides breathing irregularly - was to allow Cas’s hand to hold his fingers over his chest. Dean could freak out the next morning about what happened. Because now he just wanted to enjoy watching Castiel's face before he passes out from exhaustion.

And if Castiel’s body moved snuggling closer to him, Dean did not complain, didn’t even tried to push him away; in his mania for personal space. Because the scent of Cas’s wet hair drove him into a deep sleep immediately, with the last hours repeating like a movie in his dreams.

And if Dean's lips formed a crooked smile while he surrendered to sleep, only Castiel had seen it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was it? these two dorks in love xD
> 
> leave a kudo! make a comment! Spread the news to your friends about this amazing story (*cough, cough*)!  
> Kisses! See ya soon!
> 
> spoiler: more smut to happen! MUAHMUAHMUAH!


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